The Blessings & Depths of December

Here is the second article I had published this month. I hope that you enjoy it and that a piece of it finds a way to resonate with you:


When I hear of daylight savings, images of bright, crisp skylines are evoked with a promise of light and uplifting mornings. Then, without any pomp or circumstance, I soon realize that the darkness of the season has descended upon us and no amount of daylight savings time will save me from the darkness that blankets us during the fall and winter.

Because we depend on mother nature's natural light to keep us moving and motivated, it is no wonder that so many people fear the depths of December. Many of us already have a deep seeded regret of having to wake up in the dark and having to come home from work in the dark. In the past we have grown to expect the days to be long and short in all of the wrong ways.

What I have learned however, is that the darkness also brings blessings of its own. Where December can be quite a busy month, filled with places to go, people to see, things to buy, it also brings with it and invitation to reinvest in ourselves. I know for myself, that with each early sunset that is bestowed upon us in the autumn, I am more inclined to cocoon myself in my home and to nurture the pieces of me that are easily stretched too far and thin at this time of year.

It is as if, I focus inward and hit the 'rejuvenate' button, and I simply let the darkness of the season envelope me. I take it on as a warm hug that is allowing me to slow down, and to reenergize myself when I am not out in the world being something to someone else. I accept the depths of December to mean, that at I am allowing myself to dig deep and to being open to receive the gifts of rejuvenation prior to welcoming a new year. By preparing for the new year, and being emotionally, physically and spiritually balanced when it arrives, I am announcing to the universe that I am open and ready for all of the goodness it has coming my way.


If we do not take care of ourselves during this time of darkness, the time before the light returns, we will not be readily available to welcome all of the blessings that await us. Instead, we could still be trying to navigate our way out of a blinding sea of darkness. Perspective is a gift unto itself. If we can reframe what the darkness of autumn means to us, we can set ourselves up for a much healthier season. We set ourselves up to be successful during a time when so many of us feel like we are unable to keep up with the hectic pace that often accompanies this season.


My wish for you is to reclaim the depths of December and release what you thought you know about it.

Rejuvenate. Redefine. Reframe.Reclaim. Release.

Happy Reframing!


love & light,

t. xo

Merry Christmas… Or is it? You decide...

I have spent the past half hour looking out my front window, watching the first snow of the season, falling.

There is a quiet calm in the street, but there is an underlying excitement from the people walking by. 

There is a magic that belongs to the first snowfall. It represents that the next season is officially upon us, and it means that Christmas is not far away.

I have mentioned it before and will again, this time of year is not merry for all. For some it is a dreaded time of year filled with mixed memories. There was a time when I understood that heavy heartedness, but I would have to say that I remember the day that I made a choice. 

I was 18 years old when I was alone on Christmas morning. I spent breakfast at the Sylvia Hotel with two fellow Christmas orphans, and then we drove around all day in a limo, watching families walking by and enjoying one another. It was then it dawned on me, that my joy is where I find it. Christmas is about that feeling you get when you feel seen, heard & and that you matter. In that moment of being 18, being with Lisa Morrow and Geoffrey Last, I was in my joy. It wasn't what others counted as a traditional Christmas, but it was myChristmas and it brought me joy in all that it was, and more so for what it wasn't.

At this time of year, we walk down the street and there is always someone either asking for money,

or requiring extra patience from us. I want to invite you to give them at least, a smile. It costs you 

nothing, but it may give that person the feeling that they were seen, and maybe if you can offer them

a hello, then they get to tell you, and so they get to be heard. It is what the holiday spirit is about.

I have decided that Christmas was the singular, best time of my childhood. It was 4 or 5 days of peace, usually. So I make a point of reliving it every December. I try to invite as many people into my home and to help them feel the spirit, and to enjoy the feeling of warmth and love. It is a romantic idea, I get it, I own it, but I feel that it is my way of sharing the happiest part of myself and that is a gift I give myself.

I try to engage as many Christmas traditions as possible with my children. I want for them

to feel the riches of traditions in a way that will inspire them to take these holiday 

traditions into their own families, one day.

It's true, I send out over 125 Christmas cards. I feel like it is a beautiful and lost tradition

within itself. Everyone wants to feel remembered and missed. It is the one time of year that 

I reach out to those who have touched my heart and lifted my spirit. It is my time to reach

out and say " thank you again, I remember your love. " I believe life is too short to not remember 

those who have warmed your heart along your journey. It is a dying tradition that I will

not give up on. 

Christmas to me is all about Santa, traditions, love &  beautiful ornaments, not about Jesus or Church.

It is a time of year to give continued thanks for the blessings that have found us, and to 

hope to be a blessing to others. A blessing to you.

Wishing all of you, the love and light of the season and that it warms your heart.

With love & Light,

t.

Living As Your Authentic Self

It is with great excitement that I share with you, my first published article. I wrote last month and it has been a great experience working with new editors and writers. I hope you enjoy the article and that perhaps something within it resonates within you.

Enjoy:

Each year as October greets us with the promise of a new beginning in yet a new season–offering us another chance at creating positive changes and new routines–she also brings with her a reminder that we have but a couple months to wrap up the loose ends that are lingering around us, waiting to hold us back from finishing this calendar year with all of our goals accomplished.

October arrives out of nowhere and, before we have our flip flops put away, she demands that we pull out those cozy sweaters in preparation for the coming months that will inevitably find us preparing to cocoon our way through the fall and into the winter. Oftentimes we tend to withdraw from our social circles and adopt a more central focus as the dark months descend upon us.

This can be a time for managing those action items on our to-do lists that we have yet to see through to completion. It can be a time for setting our intentions for the coming year and deciding what we wish to manifest for ourselves in our lives. It can also be a time when we unintentionally allow ourselves to be burdened by our inner voice, reminding us of all that we have yet to accomplish.

Each year, we set forth with a list of good intentions that we convince ourselves will promote our higher well-being. For example, we decide that we are going to eat organic, that we are going to do more yoga and that we are going to connect more often with loved ones. The one thing we often forget to do, that would enable us to bring all of these wonderful goals into fruition, is commit ourselves to being truly authentic with ourselves at all times.

As a new year approaches, we create these goals that we believe are for the betterment of our lives and the lives of those around us, but we sometimes do so with judgement instead of self-compassion. We hold ourselves to these goals without an ounce of self-compassion, which is the worst thing we can do if we want to live as our authentic selves. The minute we find ourselves unable to meet a self-projected expectation, we harshly judge ourselves for not following through in that given moment. Instead, we should focus on being in the moment, acknowledging that for whatever reason we are unable to achieve our goals that day, and allowing ourselves the right to be human and to have an off-day. Often, when these types of situations arise, we tend to give up on that goal and chalk it up as a failure–chalk ourselves up as failures. As a result, we go forward not living up to our potential. All this because we did not honor the fact that we are exactly where we are meant to be right now, and we are always doing what we are meant to be doing in any given moment.

If we are going to live our best lives, and achieve great things for ourselves, we must first give ourselves permission to be in the present moment and to honor it despite it looking different than what we had originally visualized. We so easily get caught up in our to-do lists, and we forget to just "be." We need to allow ourselves the moments that we did not count on coming our way. Life is always full of surprises. Surprises that sometimes leave us feeling overwhelmed, bewildered and down. Human nature predicts that we will not prepare for these moments, regardless of if they arrive on our doorstep month after month or year after year. We only seem to plan for the easy, cheerful moments that nurture our spirit; rather than the ones that challenge our self-compassion.

As we head out of 2013, and embark on what is sure to be a blessed 2014, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Move forward with the intention of completing the goals that you set for yourself in 2013, but work to accept the fact that a few of those items may be carried over to 2014. Acknowledge that some of these goals, that you will carry forward with you, are in fact worthy of a little more effort. Treat them with the respect that they deserve–the respect that you deserve.

We all have a reel of "negative speak" that runs inside our heads. It has a mind of its own and it plays on repeat when we need it the least. I hope that one of your goals for the coming year is to hit the delete button on that recording. That once and for all, you become conscious of the havoc it plays on your ability to be kind to yourself. I hope that you learn that hitting the delete button will allow you to achieve your dreams and to live as your most authentic self.

My wish for you as you embark on the next leg of your amazing journey in 2014 is that, when that reel of negative self talk begins to run inside of your head, you THINK. That you ask yourself the following questions with love and compassion:

T - is it true?

H - is it helpful? 

I - is it inspiring?

N - is it necessary?

K - is it kind?

Wishing you light and love in a world where your beauty shines.

love & light,

t.

ThanksLiving.

As you know, I love autumn. I love everything about it. I especially love Thanksgiving. It seems to me that we all slow down and take a sort of personal inventory of the blessings in our lives. We stop to be grateful for so much of what we often take for granted.

Life is so precious and fragile. Everyday we hear stories on the news that should remind us how blessed we are, but somehow the insulation of the bubble that many of us live in, protects us from realizing how close to home these heart wrenching stories, actually are.

This Thanksgiving, one of my children was seriously ill. It took away my ability to be grateful for my family's health. It made me stop and look around and to really notice that other than my family and friends and the beautiful life my husband and I have manifested, nothing else matters when you have an ill loved one.

Today marks the 8 year anniversary of my husband's best friend's passing. Not a day goes by that we do not think of him, talk about him, or benefit from having him in our lives. Having had a such an amazing person in our lives was such a gift. He taught us, and everyone around him how to live in the present moment. He taught us how to live life to the fullest and to not make apologies for being true to ourselves. Randy was the epitome of an adventurer. He was such a good person and he had such a love for life. It breaks my heart to this day that cancer took him away at such a young age.

Although saying good bye to loved ones, and I have said good bye to a few very dear loved ones in the  past decade... I must say, I am so grateful for having known them and for having them in my life for the short time that we shared together. At this time of year, I am always brought back to the questions - Am I thankful enough? Am I grateful enough? Am I using my life to the fullest? Am I wasting any time, talent or opportunities? I ask myself these questions at this time of year because I am faced with the fact that in order to be truly grateful, I must use the gifts and blessings in my life to their fullest, in order to be as grateful as possible.

I recently saw something that read: "Thanksgiving is a holiday, ThanksLiving is a way of life." I must say that this quote has really resonated with me. It is a beautiful reminder that living in gratitude is the easiest way to live life without taking the little things for granted. I do try to live mindfully; however, being human allows me to get caught up in the mundane and I sometimes lose sight that without gratitude, no other blessings will find me. It is just a belief that I carry.

ThanksLiving, gives us the gift of the feeling we experience around Thanksgiving, all year long. I do not think that we can ever be too grateful or too appreciative of the many, many blessings that surround us. Most of the people I know, need for not. They love, and they are loved. After health and home, there really isn't much else to be grateful for, nothing else really matters.

Wishing you all the blessings that come with a ThanksLiving attitude.

love & light,
t.

Affirmations are Everywhere

It never ceases to amaze me how the universe works. I know that often speak to the fact that put what you want out into the universe and then prepare to receive it. I just am always floored when it happens in record time.

No sooner did I announce that I was writing a book, did I receive positive affirmation from the universe that I am indeed on the right track, at the exact right time in my life.

For years I have been a closet writer. I write in my journals, I write poetry,  and don't judge me, but I have often helped friends write difficult or emotional letters that they were struggling with. I have written articles and submitted them to many magazines and publications. I was happy to do it for the sake of satiating my need to write and I have had absolutely no ego about having my articles published or graciously rejected. Up until recently, I have experienced a whole lot of the latter.

I never really had the need or urge to pursue my writing as I was, and have been completely nurtured by the creative process that designing jewelry has offered me. I didn't need to pursue a deeper creative outlet.

Although my jewelry is still very inspiring to me, I have felt a growing need to write a story based on my own story. I would love to write my own story word for word, but I have been advised by some dear lawyer friends of mine, that I would be opening up myself to possible litigation if I chose to write that way. Needless to say, I will be writing a story based on my life experiences. It is just a safer way to go.

 I knew that when I put it out to the world that I would be writing my book, that some people would be very supportive, while others would be skeptical. I was not however,  prepared for the universe to send instant affirmation of my mission.

A few weeks after I posted about my intentions to write my book, did I hear back from one of my favorite publications that they are going to run an article that I had submitted a couple of months earlier! I was  and am beyond delighted. I knew in that moment that I was living my best life, and doing what I am meant to be doing with my life at this time in my life.

For the most part, not entirely, but for the most part, my inner circle of beloveds has been very supportive. Many have been checking in to find out when they can read my article. I am unable to publish my article on here, prior to it being published with the magazine. I will share it as soon as I can. I am excited to share my first publication that is in a global publication that reaches 2.5 million readers per month.  I cannot wait to share more with you.

My wish for you is that you make the choice to revisit that *little idea* that you have tucked away in the back of your mind, and shine a little light on it. Dust off the cobwebs and invite it to come out to play.

What if you did? What if, you announced to the universe that you were ready to take the leap of faith and walk a while with your idea and feel what it is like to have it come to fruition? What if now is the time to breathe life into that corner of  your mind that is waiting to be debuted. What if?

Life is so fragile and far too short. We need to make our dreams come true. There is no promise of tomorrow, there is only today, only now. You deserve to live your potential, and to bring your deepest desires to reality.

Today is your day... live it.

love & light,

t.

Once In A Blue Moon

It seems only fitting that I would leave one decade and move into another, all by the light of a blue moon. As August 20th moved into the 21st, the light of blue moon shone and the full moon lit up my world like some sort of magic wand. It was epic, in the way that my last decade was.

A great friend of mine, Kristine from Victoria called me yesterday to wish me beautiful birthday blessings, and we discussed what this next decade represents to me. I have to say that in the past few days I have had the lovely opportunity to spend some quality time with some of the quality women in my life. The discussions have all been around this next ten years that I am embarking on. As I have mentioned in a previous post, the past ten years have been so good to me, that it has been difficult to really start exploring the possibilities of the next ten, until I explain to everyone how intertwined the decades really will be.

I think the best way to describe it is the way one of my 'besties', Lianne and I discussed it... we agreed that you spend your 30's doing amazing things. For me, personally, I settled into married life, I began my career, I had my children, I moved into my second home, I bought vehicles, toys, furniture, I grew an enormous amount as an individual. A great deal of major hard work went into creating this beautiful life that I love and cherish. I personally feel that my 40's should be spent enjoying the fruits of my labour.

Now that the Silver Fox and I are a bit older, we are a little bit more comfortable financially, we have our home, our children are at an age where they are enjoying a little bit more independence and so there for, so are we. Our marriage is solid, our friendships are deep, our careers are established, and we are in the process of de-cluttering our lives of the 'things' we have collected over the past decade, that we had to have then and need not for now.

I see the coming ten years as the time to really soak up the beauty that we have manifested in our lives. There is a great quote that reads, "Our happiness is based on the choices that we have made." I think that The Silver Fox and I have made some great choices along the way. Of course like anyone, there are some choices we look back on and see them strictly as the necessary vehicle to learn an important lesson, but nonetheless, an important choice all the same. I can say that our daily happiness rating is extremely satisfying, and largely due to our attitude that everything happens for a reason and in the divine timing that it should.

Being 40 to me, feels like I have arrived. I have gracefully landed in a place where I am comfortable in my own skin. I accept my imperfections as character and I welcome meaningful growth and challenge as a means to further pursue the person I authentically am. I have friends who feel like it goes down hill from here. I choose to have the opposite attitude, again, largely because I believe that every thought becomes your future reality. I am very careful with my thought process and I am very careful with the visualization that I know will become my life.

40 means enjoying my children and husband. Creating deeper, stronger roots in our community. Building beauty on the strong foundation that our family continues to grow on and to really focus on things that truly matter. Life is too short to bother with anything that doesn't promote the betterment of yourself and or the betterment of others. I am so over getting caught up in the gossip train that constantly has someone's mouth running. I done with caring what someone else thinks of me, quite frankly it is none of my business and it does not effect who I think I am anyway. I am finished with the fantasy that is perception. My only perception from here on in, is that life is a blessing and I am grateful for one more day on this planet with my family and true friends. Life is such a blessing, and I am afraid to admit that there have been moments in the past where I may have taken that for granted.

I have decided as of yesterday, that I will spend part of this next decade writing a memoir. I have attempted to do this in the past, but I came to a point where I felt that the negativity conveyed in the book would only perpetuate further negativity and I felt that I did not want to burden anyone with having to read some of the harsher happenings in my younger years. So, I went ahead and deleted 6 months worth of work. It was difficult to hit the delete buttons, but at the time it was the right thing for me to do. Today, I sit with the idea much differently. I feel like if someone is meant to read it, they will find it and read it, and hopefully if nothing else, they may take a lesson in resilience. Those who are meant to read it will find it and so I have been recalled to write it. It will be challenging to write the book as it is obviously deeply personal, but when you tell a story, especially your own, you release any power it ever had over you, so it can be very therapeutic. I am not saying or insinuating that my story is anymore interesting and important than anyone else's, but I do believe that from where my life began to where I have landed is quite remarkable. Anyone who knows my story only knows the pretty parts of the darker details, and for that reason I am eager to shed light on those shadows and release them forever.

So far that has been the biggest decision I have made in my 40's. Go big or stay home, I say. So who knows what will come of the book when it is completed. Perhaps it will stay in our safe forever, perhaps I will shop it to different publishers. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that it will take me years to do it and I am up for the task.

Other than being open to sharing, spreading and receiving the love and light that  40 has to offer, I am open to all that is meant for me in the next leg of this amazing journey.

Thank you to each of you reading this. The fact that this blog has found you means that somehow you have been a part of my journey and I thank you for the light and lessons you have brought my way.

light & love,

t.

Jackie & Sharon

Each summer my family takes our annual pilgrimage to Nitinat. Nitinat is one of the only ocean fed lakes in the world. Due to the location of the lake, there is a daily wind that moves in around noon and creates a mecca for kite boarding and wind surfers alike. When not kiting, you can enjoy the amazing old growth forest, shell laden beaches and like minded folk.

The greatest gift I have taken from Nitinat has been the friendships I have created. Although we as a family travel to Nitinat with dear friends in July, we also return solo in August. Several years ago, when we were there in August, I met a soul sister named Jackie. She was also camping with her brood and like me, finds solace on the beaches there on the west coast of Vancouver Island. A windsurfer, a now, kiter, a professional stand up paddle board instructor and an amazing skier, and an all around exceptional human being, Jack has also become one of my dearest friends. Although our visits are infrequent durning the year, our phone calls are regular and our conversations always nourishing.

This year, Jack and I managed to meet at Nitinat in July. Our children reunited as though no time had past and our husbands enjoyed kiting together, while we shared our heart to hearts atop of of our stand up paddle boards at 6am each morning that the wind would allow us to. This year the gift of Nitinat, above and beyond the precious moments with Jackie, was the amazing friend she introduced me to. Sharon was this year's favourite new find. Sharon is a MRI tech from the island who has the most beautiful spirit. Her presence is great and her tone and intonation is absolutely calming which is why I am so positive that she is excellent in her career.

On our morning paddles the three of us would venture out onto the lake on our boards. We would paddle slowly, as if to be in a meditation in motion. As we paddled, not one of us could resist commenting on the natural beauty that surrounded us. When we spoke it was meaningful, not wasting our breath on anything that wasn't going to deepen the true nature of our present action. We shared the deeper thoughts, the truer stories of our life's journeys and we connected on a level that was as natural and authentic as the scenery around us.

Life's gifts come to us when we least expect them. Anytime I connect with another spirit on a deeper level, I feel that my life has meaning and that I am living my best life. Anytime I am able to instantly open my inner vault to someone who should be considered a stranger, it is a sign that I am among the people that are meant to be in my life.

I was recently told by my friend Chruss, that I am considered a 'connector'. When I inquired what he meant by that, he explained that I am someone who is relatable, that keeps a bounty of friends and keeps an extensive list of closer friends. I have to admit that although I have my very small group of 'besties', I do nurture quite a few friendships. I feel that I have enough love to go around and I feel that each different friendship that I nurture, nurtures a different part of my spirit. This list of friends gets tightened and expanded each year as I tighten and expand my own personal growth. My nearest, dearest and oldest friends know this of me and know that they have pole position in my heart as they know me better than anyone.

I wanted to acknowledge Jackie and Sharon because they are two people who selflessly nurtured me and allowed me to take a week of majestic paddles and transformed them into sacred moments for me. They were only ever loving, positive, supportive and inclusive. By nature they were fellow paddlers, by spirit they were weaving their way into my heart.

My wish for you is to open yourself into recognizing and acknowledging the Jackie and Sharons in your life, in your day and in your heart. When someone touches your spirit and creates a sacred moment for you, you should gift them with the knowledge. Life is too short not to say thank you when someone lifts your light.

light & love,

t.

Thank You 39

Recently I was having coffee with a friend when the topic of my upcoming birthday came up.

I am one of the few people I know who is actually excited to welcome their 40th birthday.

Although I am eager to welcome this next chapter in my life, I have come to realize that the 

real celebration that will arrive on my birthday will be that of my 39th year, completed.

I have to say that 39 was the most remarkable year of my life to date. I learned more

about myself and life, than all of my other years combined. It was not an easy year per sé,

but it was a personally rewarding year. It covered the emotional spectrum, and it brought

with it a load of learning that I was not seeking. It was as though for the first time ever,

all of life's pieces fell into line and the puzzle for the first time was no longer… it all came together.

For the first time in my life, recently, the great mystery of that missing piece in life, was actually

gone. The longing, the wondering, the unknown of that missing piece was finally unveiled. It

is not like I have unravelled life's great mystery, just mine. It seemed that through out my life 

there has always been a question that has surrounded my heart, there was always something

missing. I could never pin point it and I could never articulate what it was, which part of my life

it belonged to or if it was just some idealism that I was grasping after… it was untouchable but

I knew it was there.

These past few months I have been involved in some deep soul searching and through

the hard questions, the authentic moments of clarity and the unashamed truths, I was met 

face to face with a harsh reality… I have never, ever been accepting of myself, ever.

I have until now, always had  secret shame. I was burdened by my horrendous childhood,

that was not really even a childhood for the most part. I was shamed that I do not have 

parents. I was shamed by the molestation that I was victim to by not one but three different

abusers. I felt shame because I didn't have the opportunity to complete my education to the 

level that I wanted to. I felt shame because of my weight… when I was 96 lbs at 18 yrs old

and suffering with bulimia and now, being at my heaviest… shame. It was all around me. None 

of what I was experiencing shame over was at all shameful.  And when I ran forgot to be ashamed 

about something, I would manifest something else to hold me down.

These past few months I have been learning about shame and how it poisons our potential.

My heart and spirit finally figured out what my mind always knew, and that is that there is no

shame in life's journey. Everything is what it is for a reason. It makes us who we are in all

it's glory and sorrow, it brings us to this point in our beings, where all is what it should be

and without one of those experiences, I would not be who I am, where I am today.

There is no easy ride. Not for you, not for me, not for one of us. There is however, a choice.

We get to choose to be a survivor instead of a victim. We get to choose to see the blessings

through the challenges and we are the ones who decides what is half full or half empty.

Choice is the most valuable thing we have in life, and we always have it, it is always ours.

This year I have let go of some very ill serving ideas. I have said good bye to some old

friendships that had come to an imbalanced  place and I have again, brought my little circle closer.

I have taken friends off pedestals which was setting those people up for a fall, and I have

quit putting expectations on friendships. I have instead looked inwards and put expectations

on myself. I expect myself to receive, achieve and believe in everyone I love. I want what is best

for my beloveds and I want to be of service to their greater good when the time calls.

I have learned that coming to my children from a loving place isn't enough. I need to meet them

where they are, wherever they are. They need me to come to them at their level with a peaceful

heart even when they are not peaceful. They need me at peace the most when they are 

restless. This small adjustment in my being has allowed for a deeper closeness than we 

have ever experienced before. It has given my children a deeper trust in me, and so I 

innately am a more solid place for them to land.

Being a wife to such an extraordinary man can also trigger me into feeling less than. To know

the Silver Fox is to know that he is the epitome of integrity, hilarity and athleticism. He can 

is a steady eddie that never waivers and he is fair, and calm and just. He gives people

more than the benefit of the doubt and he never compromises what he believes in or stands for.

It can be difficult to be partnered with someone so beautifully imperfect. But as far as perfection

he is the closest thing I have ever found. It can be intimidating to compare myself to someone life

him, especially because I am emotional, and fiery at the best of times. The one thing that is in 

my favour is that being married to such an epic individual makes me strive to be a better person.

I have finally accepted that I must not be so bad, if this lovely creature chose to marry me… that must

say something good about me, non? lol

I have accepted myself for who I am, where I am and why I am. I know that because I have

come through this journey with the experiences I have, I now have a value to those

who are not yet prepared to accept themselves. I can be of service to those who are in 

transition from one emotional place to another. I can be of service to others. That is my life's

calling. I knew when I worked with children for several years that that was apart of my

life's work, but ultimately I know now, with beautiful clarity that I am exactly where

I am meant to be, doing exactly what I am meant to do. What more can a girl ask for.

I was recently asked what I would change in my life, and where before I would come

up with a few major adjustments, now I am perfectly content with exactly where I am.

There is such a brilliant freedom in feeling this way. Life is good. Life is great. Life is

a gorgeous choice that gives you the power to decide in every moment how you are.

That is my life's magic answer to the missing piece in my life… I am in control and I have

the choice in my life to be absolutely fine, better than fine. I accept myself. I accept where

my path has led me, and I have landed where I am today because of the choices that I have made.

I always reflect on the fact that no, life is not perfect. I am greeted with challenges, trials and

tribulations constantly, but they are just a challenge to myself, a challenge that will find me

staying true to my self awareness and my new found freedom. I am going to fumble towards

my ecstasy and I am going to fall and face plant into the ground from time to time, I get it,

I am only human, but the difference now is that I am a softer place to land. In those moments

where I forget to greet myself with compassion, I know my best friend, my Silver Fox, will

catch me, on my way down, dust me off and remind me that we are in this together

and that tomorrow is a new day and we can greet it together, a team, our love,

stronger than ever.

For all of the above reasons, I am not going to celebrate being 40 on August 21st, rather,

I am going to celebrate having been 39. She was a year full of beautiful gifts that have

left me a better version of myself and I am forever grateful. Maybe next August I will

give thanks for 40… in the meantime, I am honoured to have been 39 and I highly 

recommend it to anyone.

love & light,

t.

When One Door Closes, Two More Open...

For the past few months I have been actively preparing to co chair my children's school PAC (parent advisory committee). It is no small job, rather, enough hours per week to equate a part time job. I was not initially eager to take on the role; however, the current chair asked me to do the job and I felt that I had the time and the desire to support my children and their school.

To make a long story very short, there had been some untruths told, and one individual was found to be playing the games that rule the grade 9 hallways of any given high school. To know me is to know that I do not appreciate such games and I do not take lightly to anyone being less than forthright with me. I speak my truth at all costs and I appreciate those who do the same.

I have never been one to avoid healthy, respectful confrontation, as I see it as a direct way to eliminate  confusion and to achieve clarity when something isn't adding up. Some others however, feel that confrontation is only ever out of aggression, and this is just not the case. I do not understand those who believe this, and refuse to try to understand a mentality that does not support personal growth and living outside your comfort zone. No one likes any kind of confrontation, but I would rather grow than stagnate under potential falseness. I speak to confrontation, because I did confront the person who was not being upfront, and that person was forced to own their words. I personally see that as an opportunity at growth. Will the friendship ever be the same? No. Will I always be courteous and polite? Absolutely. You cannot control how others behave but you can control how you respond.

Needless to say, after a great deal of drama and after thought, I made the decision to take myself out of the running for co chair. I figured with great certainty that the current PAC needs to find someone with a greater tolerance for such behaviour. In the meantime, I will complete my current commitment of sitting on the PAC's Social/Fundraising Committee, and do my best to serve the students and the school just as I have this entire past year.

If I didn't say I was somewhat disappointed with the way it all played out, I would not be speaking the truth. I was disappointed because the idea of committing that kind of time to the school grew on me. The idea of having a part time job, mind you, unpaid, was also appealing. But I stood strong in my belief that everything happens for a reason, and as it should be and in the divine timing that it should.
That set of beliefs served me well and actually made me feel better about the situation. You just never know how or why things happen they way they do, but you have to trust that it is for your greater good.

When all of this was happening last week, I was feeling a slightly dimmer than normal, but I had perspective. Last week, on the high of finding out that my precious Sean is cancer free, I learned that a dear friend of mine, my age, and a mother of 4, one being a new born preemie, has just found out that the cancer she beat last year is back... perspective people, perspective.

So with this fresh perspective, I went into a meeting last week, where I was clinging to this perspective. Where I was challenged by the way the PAC things went down, I was at peace with the outcome. So, I  began to ask myself, how else could I make use of those 20 + hours per week that I was formerly devoted to giving to the PAC? In what way could I use my time to benefit people that I care about? What cause? What other community do I belong to that deserves my time, energy and love?

No sooner did the meeting I was in come to a close, did I find myself being offered 2 new possible jobs. One would be for pay and the other a volunteer position. Both would compliment each other, both would be helping people in my community and both would allow me to grow, give and live in gratitude
knowing that I was helping people in the way that I can, with what I have.

When one door closes, sometimes two more open. I really believe because I was being present, with perspective and with an open heart, I attracted these opportunities. I just spoke to my children's principal last Friday and I quoted to him a powerful quote that speaks to me, and it turned out he has had on his wall at home since he was 13 years old... " Luck is when opportunity meets preparation."
I love that quote and I believe it to be true. Maybe the earlier drama in the week helped to prepare me for this greater opportunity? I believe.

As these new opportunities unfold and become more clear as they morph into reality, I will share with you as I always do. In the meantime, I am ever grateful for the way life unfolds in it's mysterious ways with huge and sometimes painful lessons along the way. I am grateful for the things that originally do not appear as gifts but allow me the room to grow into the person I am. I have a great deal of growing to do and the lessons keep on coming, but I go forward with perspective and the willingness to fall down in order to stand back up with a better clarity.


love & light,

t.

100% Cancer Free

This is a wonderful feeling to sit down and to inform you that with nearly a year of chemotherapy under his belt, my amazing, superhero of a nephew has just been given the two thumbs up and a positive report that his now 15 year old body is 100% cancer free.

It has been a long road and a tiresome journey. There is all sorts of healing left to do. Our family is worn in a hundred different ways, but we are alive and well and able to look back and say that our young hero, did it!

Sean has shown us what true courage is. He has proven to all of us that where there is hope there is chance and where there are prayers there are miracles.

Life is so precious and so fragile. Please embrace your life and your loved ones with unabashed passion. Protect each other with a fierceness greater than you know, and remember that when we sweat the small stuff, we do a disservice to that which is really important in the world... love, health and each other.

Sending love to all of you who have prayed for our family throughout this ordeal. Thank you and may the bright light of blessings that you have sent our way, come back to find you.

love & light,

t.

Spring & Simplicity

I often reflect on the beauty of a new season and all of the promise that comes along with it. Spring is one of my favorite seasons of all. I love the renewal, the fresh, clean promise that you feel when you hear the birds return to our forests.

I recently returned home from 2 weeks on the Baja. I love the warmth, the dry blue skies on a daily basis. I love the beautiful smell that permeates the air and the ever present lightness of the days; however, coming home to my West Coast gets sweeter each time that I do it.

At this time of year, returning home to the North Shore when the weather is as sunny and warm as it has been, it is just a pleasure. Besides the glorious weather, I am grateful for the feeling of being happy to come home. Home really is my sanctuary and I truly do love my home and the community in which I belong to.

The spring is a time when people begin to find a little pep in their step and I find that in general people find it easier to share a smile with a stranger. One of the things that I find with the Mexican people and that I appreciate so much about them, is that they are so warm and giving of themselves. For the most part they would never dream of walking past you without looking you in the eye and offering a heartfelt smile.

It has been my experience that many people here find it no problem to walk past a stranger and to ignore them entirely. It seems so foreign to me. How can we be so cold? Now granted, I am far more touchy feely than most people, so I am told, but  then again, I am also the girl who hugs you when I greet you and when I leave your presence. Regardless, I would never dream of walking by someone with out acknowledging their existence and I cannot venture into that mind set for even a moment to try and understand the mentality.

I have a good friend that moved down to Cabo 3 years ago. To give you an idea of who Carlene is, let me tell you that she is a gorgeous person from the inside out. She is beautiful, charming, and sincere. She is a straight shooter that is business savvy and the kind of friend anyone would be lucky to have. Anyway, she and her husband decided to take their 3 young children out of the hustle and bustle of West Vancouver and they have never looked back since.

I had the privilege of enjoying an entire day with this lovely lady while I as down in Cabo last week. To know her before and after moving to Cabo you would believe that she was an entirely different person. She is calmer, more centered and more joyful than ever. There is an ease in her spirit that was not there before. There is a light in her eyes that is new. When I questioned her about her obvious transformation, she was pleased to share with me her evolution.

Basically my girlfriend explained to me how Mexico has offered she and her family a laid back life style where they are surrounded by people, a community that experiences Spring all year long. People are getting plenty of vitamin D and they are very family focused rather than worrying about what their neighbours are doing, if you know what I mean. Everything that is important to the Mexican people, they find within their family and within their own home.

It sounded so simple to hear this amazing recipe for this new found balance and happiness, but the more I sit with it the more obvious it seems. Of course there is a

serenity that prevails when we have our priorities straight and have all of our focus on our immediate family. It is only when we venture beyond our own family and home that we find ourselves taking on too much, worrying about other people’s journeys, that is when we find ourselves in a position to feel overwhelmed and therefore a vulnerable place to be personally.

Returning home as I said was a beautiful thing, but I brought with me the lesson that my girlfriend gifted me. I came home committed to being more joyful and by using her basic but powerful recipe in my day to day life. Just a few days in and I have already been challenged to keep my life simple and to keep my focus directly on my own immediate family.

Now, when I say that I am keeping my eyes on my own backyard, what I mean is, I am not allowing myself to over extend my mind or heart on those that are not apart of my immediate circle of family and friends. I have been notorious for giving more than was in my well to give, and often to those that really have no business taking my attention away from my true beloveds.

What does that look like, you ask? Well, it means that I stopped myself from emailing that friend I have not spoke to in 6 months to see how she is. Instead I choose to trust that she is fine, and instead I read my daughter a book. It means that instead of going for coffee with an acquaintance that I usually find to be an energy vampire, I called a good friend and connected in a way that left us both feeling nourished and full. Instead of replacing all of the lamps in my house today, I spent 4 hours cleaning out my garage. Simplicity. 

After being away on a family holiday, people always notice the tan and ask where have you been and what was the highlight. Clearly, to know me is to know that having that family focused time with my amazing husband and brilliant children was by far the greatest highlight of the trip for me, but a very close second goes to my girlfriend Carlene who gifted me with the idea of simplicity. She has successfully and joyfully been modeling the life I wish to live.

Don’t get me wrong… Car and her husband still have the heavy responsibilities that we all carry day in and day out, the difference is that they go about their days with a sense of peace that is rare to find here in this beautiful place that I live, where beauty is everywhere, and so you would think peace would be also, yet you actually have to look a little more deeply to find it as often.

So, what do I do with this new found perspective? I go into my days with a brighter heart, spreading the joy and peace I have found with each person I meet, by simply sharing an authentic smile with the intention of modeling what Carlene modeled for me. I want to live a simple life in away that keeps me grounded yet still provides plenty of room for amazing opportunities and serendipity to find me.

I never take for granted that my family has the privilege of taking a two week holiday in a tropical place. I am very thankful for the opportunities that our hard work lends to us, but I am also grateful for having people like Carlene in my life to remind me of how easily joy can be found. Happiness is a choice, in each and every moment. Living life with an open heart and a pure intention will attract beauty beyond our wildest dreams. I know this for sure. I have seen it with my own two eyes.

Wishing you a beautiful spring that brings you a true happiness, Mexican style.

Love & Light,

Xo t.

Our Miracle Happened.

I write with huge joy in my heart. This week, after seven months of waiting for my nephew to be strong enough, he underwent his double lung surgery to find out how many different 'spots' were in his lungs.

It has not been an easy journey for Sean. Cancer isn't an easy journey for anyone, but in Sean's case there have been a great deal of little set backs along the way. After his leg surgery where they were forced to take a part of his leg, he was plagued by a severe infection that made it impossible for the doctors to go through with his lung surgery as planned at the time. This darn lung surgery has been pushed back since September. September! There have been weeks where the medical team could not follow through with his Sean's scheduled course of Chemo due to Sean's low blood counts. There were days when the reality of his situation was just too much for one young man to swallow.

As I look back at the several set backs, it obviously makes me very sad. That said, as I look back at this week, I am filled with joy and am elated to share our many little victories that we have been waiting for since June when Sean was first diagnosed.

This week the doctors were finally able to go in and remove the 'nodules' in Sean's lungs. We were calling them nodules, because we were hopeful that the last 6 months of Chemo had worked and that those spots were no longer cancer, rather unspecified nodules. Our prayers were answered.

After a very long, 8 hour surgery, Sean came out of the operation with flying colours. The team of doctors that were involved were all equally ecstatic with how the surgery went and how Sean faired through the surgery. We were all relieved and gave thanks to God for the outcome that we had all prayed for.

The night after the surgery there were some critical complications, but thanks to the team of doctors and nurses in the ICU, Sean pulled through and he is better than we could have hoped for!

It was just the other day that we got the results of the biopsied nodules from the lungs. The results came back that the nodules were 100% CANCER FREE. Cancer free. Cancer free. It just means so much to me to say that. The cancer spots on Sean's lungs were dried up from the Chemo. The only concern that the doctors had initially, was that they found 3 additional spots that they were unaware of and were not necessarily looking for. None of that matters now because they were all benign.

So what does all of this mean? Where do we go from here? Well, it means that all of the aggressive medical intervention has worked. We were unable to save his knee, but whatever it takes to save his life, all makes it worth it. It means that we have 6 more months of Chemo to kill the existing cycle of cancer cells that continue to reside in Sean's system.

Sean is winning! Where we were being prepared for a grim picture 6 months ago, now we are faced with the beautiful future that awaits Sean. It is because of all your prayers that Sean is alive and well. Several times over the past 6 months, all we had was hope and prayer. We had to rely on blind faith and the prayers of everyone, family, friends, & strangers across the globe.

Whatever it was, or wasn't. Whether it was the semi precious stones we laid across Sean's body in hopes that their energies would cleanse his weak body. Whether it was the hands of prayer we laid on Sean's leg or whether it was Country singer Paul Brandt who went to visit Sean and raised his spirits and energy... whatever, so far it has worked.

I am not naive. I know we have a long road ahead of us and that we are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We can feel that overwhelming grace that comes with what it is we are experiencing. We are grateful.

Please continue to pray for Sean's full recovery. We are more than half way there and we are so grateful to all of you have been with us along the way.

God is great. Miracles do happen. We have Sean to prove it!

love & light,
t.

My Evening With Oprah

A few days ago I had the chance of a lifetime to go and see my mentor/mother/sister/friend, Oprah. Like every woman in the building, I consider Oprah to be all of these things to me. I have been watching her since I was a child and as a motherless daughter, Oprah truly did mother me in many ways. She has unknowingly guided me throughout my life and has given me dozens of tools to use to navigate through this life.

Oprah has mentored me, spoken words that a sister would speak and she has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Although I did not have the privilege to meet O in person, I did have a dear friend who did get to meet her, and that is close enough for me. Truly.

The evening consisted of 16,000 women and a few random men, getting together at Rogers Arena here in Vancouver. Everyone was dressed to the nines in honour of our Oprah. Although I drove downtown with a handful of lovely friends, I chose to purchase a single ticket. You see, I did not want to sit with anyone I knew. I didn't want to be tempted to talk to those around me. I wanted to savour every word Oprah spoke. I wanted to internalize each word. It turned out to be the perfect decision for me because I did hang on her every word and I am still in deep process- trying to make sense of her messages.

The evening began with her dear friend, and her fellow billionaire, Jimmy Pattison introducing a surprise guest who would then be introducing Oprah. It was none other than Stedman Graham. Oprah's life partner of 29 yrs. This was a huge deal as O does not like surprises, and also because Stedman has never stepped into Oprah's work life. So to have him there was such a great honour and privilege. He spoke from the heart and his speech was deep and meaningful and explained who Oprah was to him.

Oprah was hilarious when Stedman was speaking. I could see her off stage from my seat and could hear her telling Stedman to hurry up and get off the stage as his sweet introduction was lengthy and not with out reciting poetry, nonetheless. She was just like one of us and getting restless waiting to take her stage.

When O finally took the stage she was in a gorgeous gown, her hair swept off her face and she looked like she always has. Beautiful. I noticed and took in every square inch of her. From her thick mink eye lashes that she is know for, all the way down to the red soles of her shoes that she took off for the second half of her show. To know her is to know that she doesn't like to wear shoes when she doesn't need to. All of these little nuances that I knew about, tickled me.

Her presentation began with her humour. Expressing how cold Edmonton and Calgary had been and how happy she was to see the warm rain of Vancouver. She went on to ask us all the one question, her one reason for being with us, which was to make us inquire within ourselves, as to "Why Are You Here? What is your life's purpose?" Oprah acknowledged that we were all here in this building because we had answered "the call". The evening really was about her explaining her calling, her purpose and when she first answered the call and what it has meant to her in her lifetime to know her purpose.

The first hour of the presentation was filled with her prancing across the stage, speaking to the audience and even singing a quick hymn. She spoke of Gayle, Sherri & Andre. 3 very important people in her life and if you are an O admirer the way I am, you know exactly who those people are and the roles they play in her life. She spoke about her show, then and now. She spoke to her challenges, her homes across the world and she spoke to me.

It may sound airy fairy, but Oprah's words went from her mouth to my heart. I was grateful to not be sitting with those that know me because I was crying for a fair portion the time. I was just so moved to be in the same space with this woman who has meant so much to me. Yes, I know that I don't know her nor does she know me, but that does not mean she has not meant the world to my world.

Funny, a few weeks ago I had a friend who expressed that she wasn't going to see Oprah and would't be excited if she were going anyway, because it is not like she was going to be seeing her one on one or in an intimate setting.  Well, I have a different view on life obviously, and Oprah proved this friend of mine so wrong. There was such a think veil of intimacy that seeped deep into everyone's soul. You could just tell how moved everyone was. The emotion was palpable.

I had planned on writing about this experience earlier, but I am still deeply processing all that I took in. Considering Oprah did not speak to much that I hadn't heard from her before, I am surprised that I am still processing. But it is true what they say about timing, when you are ready to receive a message, you will hear it. It will find you. Timing is everything.

As my fortieth birthday nears, I have been evaluating and reevaluating who I am, who I want to be and what is my purpose. I was recently at one of my best friend's 40th birthday celebrations and the experience offered me more insight on some of the changes I want to make within myself. The event was gorgeous, my friends are gorgeous, and we all have so much to be grateful for in each other. But I am going on 40... I know there are ways for me to be a bigger blessing to my friends. I know I can be a better me. I know that I am growing and evolving and with that sometimes you have to open yourself up to change that you didn't see coming. Being open to the process as you process.

After an hour of Oprah speaking. She sat down with George Strombolopolous. There was a seating area at the back of the stage that moved forward when George took the stage with Oprah. George joined us all and went on to interview Oprah on what she had shared with us. He also went on to ask her interesting questions like "What do you think of Lance Armstrong." I was so proud of Oprah and grateful that she stayed in her grace and said "I think he is human and perfectly flawed. He was this great icon that took a great fall and because of this, he will be able to live a more authentic life. That's what I think of Lance Armstrong. I never wanted to apart of this witch hunt." George went on to ask her about her school and she didn't shy away from the abuse scandal. Oprah shared with us that seven of the girls from her school are living with her and Stedman while they are at university. She really let us 'in'. I love her for her candidness.

By the time it was time to say good-bye, I felt nourished, invested in, and grateful. I have had friends ask me about what my 'take aways' were, and I have to say that when she spoke to us about gratitude and writing down and speaking 5 things a day that we were grateful for that this practice will serve our life's purpose, was a great gift and another tool that will assist me in my life. That is one great take away. The other thing that was deeply moving for me was when she said "You are not your ancestors mistakes, you are your own future." This meaning that no matter what or how you came to be, regardless of who has hurt you or neglected you in your lifetime, you are not that mistake. You are not a victim when you are in the moment. You are here now and you are the choices you make." I know this to be true but to hear it from her lips to my ears was a powerful gift that I cannot explain.

As the lights came up, and the tears dried, women all around me were silent. There was no sound except that of shuffling feet. Everyone was in awe. The word reverence comes to mind. There were lots of smiling eyes and just a sense of universal gratitude. Oprah had spoken of her friends,
The Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela, Deepak Chopra and more, and the same way you would leave their company with a deep sense that you have just been in the company of greatness, so were we as we left this stadium of like minded people that are the light and love of this world. To even recall the memory brings me to a humble place.

So the question remains, where do I go from here. I think I just sink deeper into my gratitude. I make the changes that I can see coming and I commit to be a truer version of myself. I take Oprah's words and slowly but steadily make them my mantra.

Hands down, this experience was in the top ten of my lifetime.

Life is good and we are our choices. What choices am I making? Are they serving me? That is how I go forward. I encourage you to ask yourself these questions. They are life changers.

love & light,

t.

Until We Meet Again

This week my family experienced another great lesson in saying good-bye.
After nearly sixteen years together we had to bid farewell to our 'first child' our Siberian Husky. Indulge me as I write with a heavy heart today...

For several years we had been watching our beautiful Nakina gradually slow down and in the past year, watching each day age her by a month. It has recently been a rapid decline and we were faced with the question whether we were keeping her around for ourselves or was she actually still enjoying life. Clearly this past week it was obvious that the her fun in life was no longer.

All sadness and tears aside, looking back I have to say that this dog who was much more like a cat in her aloof and feline ways, and she was in fact a great teacher to me believe it or not.

When we first got her she was this little ball of fur that was cheeky, she made sport of biting me and she would not let us ever, ever cuddle her unless she was in the mood that was a rare occasion. Her name was Nakina. She was beyond beautiful and she was quite a bitch when she felt like it. :) She pranced around like she owned the place and she was agility rivalled that of those in the Circ. She could and would run like the wind and do back flips off the backs of other dogs. She truly was a gymnist. She also knew she was beautiful and she knew how to play the boys... especially one boy... my husband.

I often referred to 'Kina as 'The Other Woman'. She had my husband wrapped around her finger. In his eyes, from the day we got her, she could do no wrong. She knew it too. She would flaunt her power over him in front of me every chance she got. She had swagger, serious swagger.

The lessons she brought were simple. She never settled for less than what she was after. Whether it was walk, a scratch or a face full of love... she got it, in her time, on time and for a perfect amount of time.

Nakina was protective of her space. She made time for herself, she had her space and she protected it. She would not compromise what she felt was right for her in any given moment and would defend her choices and was vocal about it. She would literally stamp her feet and talk to you while doing it. She would tell you right off if you didn't listen to her.

'Kina taught me how to be selfless. I cannot tell you how many trips to the island I have missed and missed seeing my girls over there because I had this dog to care for. I have had this dog since I was 23 years old. That may sound irrelevant but those are prime years of bonding for a woman. I literally used to have to miss girls trips... ask my best friends... they'll back me on this... that feline of a dog taught me to get over myself and my own needs in a hurry.

Honestly, she taught me how to love on a level a didn't know I had in me at that young age. She showed me that there was more to life than just me... in the same way my children did but on a different scale.  She prepared me for motherhood. Sounds funny but she truly did. I cannot tell you what it was like to have my first child and bring her home to meet Kina. From the first moment they met, Nakina would stand between anyone and my daughter when they came to meet her. She acted like another mother for my daughter the way she protected her. I never worried as some people do when they bring babies home to meet their animals. You see, Kina was never an animal to us. She was a teacher, a protector and a privilege to have as a part of our family. She was a privilege.

Finally, she has taught my children how to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is never easy, especially when you are trying to teach young children about death. But when you have 16 years with someone, and they have taught you as much as Nakina has taught and given to us, it is easy to step aside and appreciate all that we shared and to be able to give her the gift of peace. Pain free, challenge free, peace. She deserves to not have to suffer. She deserved a loving and peaceful passing, and after giving all of us so much love and many life lessons, it was our turn to bless her with love and light as she transitioned.

Always loved, never forgotten. Rest in Peace our sweet Princess Kina.

Love & Light,

t.