September's Promise

Looking back on what was a fantastic summer filled with friends and family, I deeply appreciate the many memories of connection and exploring. I cherish the time spent with my own children. The Silver Fox and I made a conscience decision to not put our children into summer camps this year, rather, we chose to make the most of each week by spending each day with them. We chose to do this because last summer we didn't have the same opportunity and we missed them. This year the choice was made with the fact that the youngest begins Kindergarten this year and our time together with him will be radically less. I totally support those who choose to summer camp their kids, and I will likely be among then next year, but this year was exactly what we had hoped for and made for the perfect summer for our family.

September is looming and with her she brings the promise of routine and renewed commitment to schedules and bedtimes. Soon the days will not be of my own whim, rather, I will be chained to a bell schedule that demands where my children need to be for 6 hours a day. No longer will I be the one to decide how are days are spent. This is when I have a hard time sharing... when it comes to my kids, I like to have them to myself.

I am not blind to the fact that I am also gaining a gateway into time for myself. What that means for me should be a blissful prospect, but I also acknowledge with it comes a huge responsibility. All of a sudden I am no longer a stay at home mom of 2 small children that are at home with me, it no longer applies. For sure I have my own business, but again, that is home based. I am now a free agent so to speak. I join the ranks of the veteran moms who have both children in school.

What I can say with certainty is that my time will be spent a little selfishly at first. I am going to reclaim my old gym schedule. Oh how we have missed each other. It has been far too long since I have been able to spend that kind of time on myself. I am going to finish the baby books I started for my children, or the one I meant to start for my son. Oops! I am going to connect with the friends I have lovingly ignored while raising my kids into Kindergarten. One of the most exciting prospects is that I will be able to have a  chunk of time in the day where I am not constantly looking at my watch and wondering which Pre-school I need to be at Stat! 3pm is soon to become my new best friend.

The past 8 years since my first child was born has felt like a long time, and as my second child enters to the school system I feel like I am observing a milestone and that I have earned some sort of badge. I really feel like I am about to graduate from this massive chapter in my life. I have been told by a few people that I should go for a massage the first week the kids go back to school in honour of the celebration, but what I really feel like I should be doing is getting on my knees and saying a deeply felt prayer of gratitude to the universe. We made it! All the way to Kindergarten and grade 3 with no major injuries. No major dramas. Always lots of food on the table, the roof over our head and so far no direct need that my kids should be in therapy! Whoo hoo! Success! ;) In all seriousness, I do feel totally grateful for the health and well being of my children and that so far their lives have been the kind that the Silver Fox and I have wished for them. Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for our abundance of love and light.

It is hard to believe that Christmas is merely 4 months away. You know what that means...ski season, people!
Just had to throw that in there. It is after all my fav time of the year. It will also mark the end of a remarkable year. September feels like the beginning of a new year also. The newness and refreshing of all that we have let slide for 2 months. I can't wait. Happy September. Happy New Year.

Love & Light,

t.

ps- please keep the prayers coming for Sean. we still really need them. <3

The Power of Prayer

By now you have come to realize that my family's life has stopped in it's tracks and that the mundane rhythm that propels our daily lives no longer matters. What matters is that we have a young, inspiring young member of our clan in the hospital fighting for his life.

Recently, my sister and I made the 1000 km journey through the beautiful and majestic mountains to go and spend several days with our nephew. While we naively made the trek towards him, we somehow thought that we had prepared ourselves for what we were about to encounter. Let me tell you this with all certainty... nothing could or will ever prepare you for spending long days on a children's oncology unit.

We had told ourselves that we were going in with love guns blazing ready to spread love and light in every corner of our family and that entire children's ward. When we arrived into the city after a 12 hour drive, we headed straight for the Children's Hospital. We arrived just before 8pm and the hospital had clearly wound down for the night. The halls were sparse and there was a serenity about the place. It was a little bit of an out of body experience walking toward our nephew's room. I couldn't wait to get in there and wrap my arms around him, all the while, I wanted to be anywhere for any other reason than walking down that hall toward room #1160.

When we got to the room, there Sean was. Sitting up and open arms, happy to greet his aunties. We had a brief visit as he was tired and the chemo treatment of the day had really socked it to him. Both my sister and I shared some love, let Sean show us the care package that Terry Fox's sister had personally sent to him and then we were on our way back to where my brother was staying.

The next day we had an early breakfast and headed back to the hospital. Mind blowing. The difference between the day and night within those walls, really was that... day and night. This time upon our arrival, the halls were buzzing. People coming and going. Children with tubes and drips and their entourage of care givers. There were people that were just bringing their children in for the first time and sadly, heart wrenching as it is, their were parents that were leaving the hospital for the last time, without their beloved children. My sister and I are extremely close and have a bit of a sixth sense with each other... we walked into the hospital, looked at each other and nodded. We knew that we had to suck it up and bring love and much needed levity to our sweet family.

I could go on an tell you how we spent each day distracting Sean and our brother and his family with rounds of crib and other games and stories told, but really it was my sister and I who were distracted.
We learned more about composure and grace from this 14 year old nephew of ours than anyone else could have ever taught us. His courage and strength was overwhelming and his knowledge of his course of treatment was astounding. He schooled us in the ins and outs of his therapy in a way that only further solidified his status of hero in our books.

My brother and his wife taught us about coping in the face of fear and the unknown. They definately have their own unique ways of dealing with this blow that has been dealt to them but they also have a strong united front in the face of this putrid disease called cancer.

Our other nephew Quinn, he taught us that it was okay to laugh and be comical when your family is in crisis. Not only did he laugh but he brought us all to tears constantly by way of his awesome and completely hysterical comedic self. It was clear to see that comedy is his coping mechanism and really it is his gift to all of us. Laughter heals. It's just that simple.

The nurses, the friends that visited the calls that came in,  all of it, everyone made such a difference in this journey. You never know how a simple phone call can change the entire course of someone's day. Or in this case, someone's journey through treatment.

What I also found incredibly interesting was how many of my brother and his wife's close friends were sort of staying away. Whether it is because they are just so sad or not sure what to say, let me say this loud and clear, when someone you know is in crisis, you do not need to know what to say. It is okay to just show up and say hello and that you just wanted to be with them. That is enough. Just your presence is the gift. It broke my heart that not more of their besties were showing up for them in their time of need. My brother, the nicest man on the planet, explains it that they are just waiting their turn to show up when it is the right time... I say show up people, it's okay to come and cry with us.

If you ever need a reminder how precious life is, spend a day at a Children's Hospital. There are a million reasons why we are blessed, but somehow seeing sick kids just puts everything into perspective real quick.

As it stands now, we really need your prayers. Please pray that my nephew Sean is healed of his cancer and that his entire body is returned to the simple mass of white light he came into this world as. We are counting on a miracle. Please be apart of that miracle through the power of prayer.

Please Pray.

love & light,

t.