Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Balance...
To know me is to know that I live a life surrounded by love, while loving the things that surround me. Life is so interesting in so many ways. With so much love there had to be Balance along the way.My life is full of gifts and blessings are boundless and of course with them come the lessons that make us grow. I wish I could say that they were painless but today I can tell you that they are not always. It is so hard to find something, an outlet whether it be creative or otherwise that inspires you, drives you or reminds you of who you are or who you are capable of being. It is more difficult when you have to let it go.
Whether it be a drumming circle you love to be apart of, yet your back cannot handle the weight of the drum, whether it be a friend that invokes a part of your spirit that is unavailable, or whether it be an experience which you cannot afford or whether it is knowing that someone you love is ill and the remedy seems unattainable. It doesn't matter the circumstance, rather, it is the feeling of letting go something that had once made you dream.
On this dreary Vancouver day, the exact kind of day that usually inspires me to dance naked in the rain, I am in a place of contemplation. Giving thanks for all, grieving the things that weren't meant to be, and wrestling with the things that I wish I could control.
After spending yesterday on such a high, surrounded by people who are battling cancer and those who have survived, I spend today humbled by their spirit and courage, and feel shameful for feeling anything but gratitude for the blessings in my life. Tears have been my constant companion today- this year has brought me so much beauty and I am overwhelmed in away that finds my cheeks soaked as I type. With everything there is Balance, and today is the day where the shadows have creeped in and I only have energy to welcome them.
Balance. The shadows arrive so that we may remember how glorious the light feels when it finds us. Today is a day of reckoning. A day of remembering who we are, who we want to be, and what we are modeling for our children. It can be so difficult to remember that when we choose these roles as friends, mothers, wives, daughters and mavericks. When we sign on to take these roles we are committing to sacrifice what is necessary for the greater good of those roles in our life. It is one of those small details that can smack you in the face when you find yourself on a path that you have arrived upon too soon in your journey or on a path that was never meant for you. Having to turn around and navigate back to your authentic self's path can be staggering, confusing and a real exercise in blind faith in our karmic belief of our destiny.
This journey we so often talk about is the grandest display of Balance that we could possibly ask for. So many of my beloveds are facing real life issues right now, everything from cancer, divorce, unemployment, deaths, breakdowns and more. On the flip side, I have beloveds expecting babies, getting promotions, building new houses, planning weddings and having life changing breakthroughs. There is that word again, Balance. Our journeys may seem so different yet there really aren't. We just take turns exploring the peaks and valleys of this life. I have said that we come into this world alone, and we leave the same way. I take it back. I have seen and felt things in people that I cannot explain yet they have made me believe that we are never alone. Some kindred spirits find us again- remind us that they are here in our hearts and before we know it they are gone again- though their presence may be brief it is there long enough to remind us in this lifetime that we are not without them and vise versa. Letting go would be intolerable without this gift of remembering.
On days where the tears just won't dry, at some point you just have to welcome them and let them cleanse your spirit. Let them wash away any misguided regret and allow these moments to be the ones where you reground yourself and rest so that you may wake up tomorrow able to brush yourself off and start fresh with the promise that each new day offers.
Today is one of those days I find comfort in tragic beauty. The video I have attached is one of those tragically beautiful songs, where most of the words speak to my spirit and speak of good byes my spirit cannot say.
Never say good bye, just say until we meet again.
xo t.
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