My Evening With Oprah

A few days ago I had the chance of a lifetime to go and see my mentor/mother/sister/friend, Oprah. Like every woman in the building, I consider Oprah to be all of these things to me. I have been watching her since I was a child and as a motherless daughter, Oprah truly did mother me in many ways. She has unknowingly guided me throughout my life and has given me dozens of tools to use to navigate through this life.

Oprah has mentored me, spoken words that a sister would speak and she has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Although I did not have the privilege to meet O in person, I did have a dear friend who did get to meet her, and that is close enough for me. Truly.

The evening consisted of 16,000 women and a few random men, getting together at Rogers Arena here in Vancouver. Everyone was dressed to the nines in honour of our Oprah. Although I drove downtown with a handful of lovely friends, I chose to purchase a single ticket. You see, I did not want to sit with anyone I knew. I didn't want to be tempted to talk to those around me. I wanted to savour every word Oprah spoke. I wanted to internalize each word. It turned out to be the perfect decision for me because I did hang on her every word and I am still in deep process- trying to make sense of her messages.

The evening began with her dear friend, and her fellow billionaire, Jimmy Pattison introducing a surprise guest who would then be introducing Oprah. It was none other than Stedman Graham. Oprah's life partner of 29 yrs. This was a huge deal as O does not like surprises, and also because Stedman has never stepped into Oprah's work life. So to have him there was such a great honour and privilege. He spoke from the heart and his speech was deep and meaningful and explained who Oprah was to him.

Oprah was hilarious when Stedman was speaking. I could see her off stage from my seat and could hear her telling Stedman to hurry up and get off the stage as his sweet introduction was lengthy and not with out reciting poetry, nonetheless. She was just like one of us and getting restless waiting to take her stage.

When O finally took the stage she was in a gorgeous gown, her hair swept off her face and she looked like she always has. Beautiful. I noticed and took in every square inch of her. From her thick mink eye lashes that she is know for, all the way down to the red soles of her shoes that she took off for the second half of her show. To know her is to know that she doesn't like to wear shoes when she doesn't need to. All of these little nuances that I knew about, tickled me.

Her presentation began with her humour. Expressing how cold Edmonton and Calgary had been and how happy she was to see the warm rain of Vancouver. She went on to ask us all the one question, her one reason for being with us, which was to make us inquire within ourselves, as to "Why Are You Here? What is your life's purpose?" Oprah acknowledged that we were all here in this building because we had answered "the call". The evening really was about her explaining her calling, her purpose and when she first answered the call and what it has meant to her in her lifetime to know her purpose.

The first hour of the presentation was filled with her prancing across the stage, speaking to the audience and even singing a quick hymn. She spoke of Gayle, Sherri & Andre. 3 very important people in her life and if you are an O admirer the way I am, you know exactly who those people are and the roles they play in her life. She spoke about her show, then and now. She spoke to her challenges, her homes across the world and she spoke to me.

It may sound airy fairy, but Oprah's words went from her mouth to my heart. I was grateful to not be sitting with those that know me because I was crying for a fair portion the time. I was just so moved to be in the same space with this woman who has meant so much to me. Yes, I know that I don't know her nor does she know me, but that does not mean she has not meant the world to my world.

Funny, a few weeks ago I had a friend who expressed that she wasn't going to see Oprah and would't be excited if she were going anyway, because it is not like she was going to be seeing her one on one or in an intimate setting.  Well, I have a different view on life obviously, and Oprah proved this friend of mine so wrong. There was such a think veil of intimacy that seeped deep into everyone's soul. You could just tell how moved everyone was. The emotion was palpable.

I had planned on writing about this experience earlier, but I am still deeply processing all that I took in. Considering Oprah did not speak to much that I hadn't heard from her before, I am surprised that I am still processing. But it is true what they say about timing, when you are ready to receive a message, you will hear it. It will find you. Timing is everything.

As my fortieth birthday nears, I have been evaluating and reevaluating who I am, who I want to be and what is my purpose. I was recently at one of my best friend's 40th birthday celebrations and the experience offered me more insight on some of the changes I want to make within myself. The event was gorgeous, my friends are gorgeous, and we all have so much to be grateful for in each other. But I am going on 40... I know there are ways for me to be a bigger blessing to my friends. I know I can be a better me. I know that I am growing and evolving and with that sometimes you have to open yourself up to change that you didn't see coming. Being open to the process as you process.

After an hour of Oprah speaking. She sat down with George Strombolopolous. There was a seating area at the back of the stage that moved forward when George took the stage with Oprah. George joined us all and went on to interview Oprah on what she had shared with us. He also went on to ask her interesting questions like "What do you think of Lance Armstrong." I was so proud of Oprah and grateful that she stayed in her grace and said "I think he is human and perfectly flawed. He was this great icon that took a great fall and because of this, he will be able to live a more authentic life. That's what I think of Lance Armstrong. I never wanted to apart of this witch hunt." George went on to ask her about her school and she didn't shy away from the abuse scandal. Oprah shared with us that seven of the girls from her school are living with her and Stedman while they are at university. She really let us 'in'. I love her for her candidness.

By the time it was time to say good-bye, I felt nourished, invested in, and grateful. I have had friends ask me about what my 'take aways' were, and I have to say that when she spoke to us about gratitude and writing down and speaking 5 things a day that we were grateful for that this practice will serve our life's purpose, was a great gift and another tool that will assist me in my life. That is one great take away. The other thing that was deeply moving for me was when she said "You are not your ancestors mistakes, you are your own future." This meaning that no matter what or how you came to be, regardless of who has hurt you or neglected you in your lifetime, you are not that mistake. You are not a victim when you are in the moment. You are here now and you are the choices you make." I know this to be true but to hear it from her lips to my ears was a powerful gift that I cannot explain.

As the lights came up, and the tears dried, women all around me were silent. There was no sound except that of shuffling feet. Everyone was in awe. The word reverence comes to mind. There were lots of smiling eyes and just a sense of universal gratitude. Oprah had spoken of her friends,
The Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela, Deepak Chopra and more, and the same way you would leave their company with a deep sense that you have just been in the company of greatness, so were we as we left this stadium of like minded people that are the light and love of this world. To even recall the memory brings me to a humble place.

So the question remains, where do I go from here. I think I just sink deeper into my gratitude. I make the changes that I can see coming and I commit to be a truer version of myself. I take Oprah's words and slowly but steadily make them my mantra.

Hands down, this experience was in the top ten of my lifetime.

Life is good and we are our choices. What choices am I making? Are they serving me? That is how I go forward. I encourage you to ask yourself these questions. They are life changers.

love & light,

t.

Until We Meet Again

This week my family experienced another great lesson in saying good-bye.
After nearly sixteen years together we had to bid farewell to our 'first child' our Siberian Husky. Indulge me as I write with a heavy heart today...

For several years we had been watching our beautiful Nakina gradually slow down and in the past year, watching each day age her by a month. It has recently been a rapid decline and we were faced with the question whether we were keeping her around for ourselves or was she actually still enjoying life. Clearly this past week it was obvious that the her fun in life was no longer.

All sadness and tears aside, looking back I have to say that this dog who was much more like a cat in her aloof and feline ways, and she was in fact a great teacher to me believe it or not.

When we first got her she was this little ball of fur that was cheeky, she made sport of biting me and she would not let us ever, ever cuddle her unless she was in the mood that was a rare occasion. Her name was Nakina. She was beyond beautiful and she was quite a bitch when she felt like it. :) She pranced around like she owned the place and she was agility rivalled that of those in the Circ. She could and would run like the wind and do back flips off the backs of other dogs. She truly was a gymnist. She also knew she was beautiful and she knew how to play the boys... especially one boy... my husband.

I often referred to 'Kina as 'The Other Woman'. She had my husband wrapped around her finger. In his eyes, from the day we got her, she could do no wrong. She knew it too. She would flaunt her power over him in front of me every chance she got. She had swagger, serious swagger.

The lessons she brought were simple. She never settled for less than what she was after. Whether it was walk, a scratch or a face full of love... she got it, in her time, on time and for a perfect amount of time.

Nakina was protective of her space. She made time for herself, she had her space and she protected it. She would not compromise what she felt was right for her in any given moment and would defend her choices and was vocal about it. She would literally stamp her feet and talk to you while doing it. She would tell you right off if you didn't listen to her.

'Kina taught me how to be selfless. I cannot tell you how many trips to the island I have missed and missed seeing my girls over there because I had this dog to care for. I have had this dog since I was 23 years old. That may sound irrelevant but those are prime years of bonding for a woman. I literally used to have to miss girls trips... ask my best friends... they'll back me on this... that feline of a dog taught me to get over myself and my own needs in a hurry.

Honestly, she taught me how to love on a level a didn't know I had in me at that young age. She showed me that there was more to life than just me... in the same way my children did but on a different scale.  She prepared me for motherhood. Sounds funny but she truly did. I cannot tell you what it was like to have my first child and bring her home to meet Kina. From the first moment they met, Nakina would stand between anyone and my daughter when they came to meet her. She acted like another mother for my daughter the way she protected her. I never worried as some people do when they bring babies home to meet their animals. You see, Kina was never an animal to us. She was a teacher, a protector and a privilege to have as a part of our family. She was a privilege.

Finally, she has taught my children how to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is never easy, especially when you are trying to teach young children about death. But when you have 16 years with someone, and they have taught you as much as Nakina has taught and given to us, it is easy to step aside and appreciate all that we shared and to be able to give her the gift of peace. Pain free, challenge free, peace. She deserves to not have to suffer. She deserved a loving and peaceful passing, and after giving all of us so much love and many life lessons, it was our turn to bless her with love and light as she transitioned.

Always loved, never forgotten. Rest in Peace our sweet Princess Kina.

Love & Light,

t.

Welcome 2013

You can often hear me say that each new month brings the promise of a new day, but nothing quite brings a bigger promise than a brand new year. January is always a welcome friend. There are few things that bring me greater joy than a fresh year and another chance to get things right. We are gifted another shot at achieving those goals, or finishing the ones we have already set.

I am over the silly ideas of new year’s resolutions. I am nearly 40 now and I know the value of intention and I know that the best way to create a new path or habit is to honour myself and I don’t wait until January to do that. I try to do that all year long. I said try... it is easy to lose sight of ourselves amidst soccer schedules, swimming camps and grocery lists.

January to me is more about remembering what I want out of my life and where I want to be and who I want to be. I can quite honestly say that for the most part I am beyond satisfied with my life and who I am but I am just very aware that there is always opportunity to grow and mature. There is so much in this world that I am not familiar with, each year I just want to expand my horizons and to set some goals that will allow me to become who I am meant to be. I don’t believe that we are ever done evolving nor do I believe that we ever come to a place where we can stop trying to become our most authentic selves. Each passing year acts as a compass that leads us one step closer to that elusive thing we refer to when we speak of our 'authentic selves'...  I can honestly say the older I get the more I understand what the term means and the more work I seem to have in front of me to get there.

Finding our authentic selves is a quest that lasts a life time, but this year that is one of my only goals, to be mindful of what that means to me and how to honour it in any given situation. This means staying in my own power and staying true to myself despite the needs of those around me. A tall order for what I feel is going to be a simple year.

2013 feels fresh. It feels clean and uncomplicated. As I embark on this month I go into it with a feeling of strength and control. I have a list of to do’s that involve simplifying my life. As I mentioned before, cleansing closets and cupboards, but I also have some inner housekeeping to do also. This past week I have had time to reflect on where I have been spending my energy and where the energy vampires as I like to call them has snuck up and in to my life. I need to pay some extra attention on righting those imbalances and staying true to honouring my authentic self as I mentioned. I feel that I owe it to those few and precious friendships that fill my well, that I pay them their due attention and unconditional love that they so effortlessly give me. Those are the friendships I choose to tend to this coming year. I seem to have some very lovely people in my lives, and indeed some of the new ones deserve some time and attention, while some of the peripheral ones can continue to stay there. I encourage you to do your own inventory... it may be time to reevaluate too...

With 2012 behind us, and what a blessed year she was, she was also very demanding and very emotionally taxing. My family enjoyed huge rewards and have also paid some high prices for the rest of the many joys. It is my hope that 2013 is a calm, easy year with no surprises and no extremes. I will pray for a laid back year where the big surprises are for someone else’s family this year. I will sit back and graciously be happy for someone else to globe trot, get the big promotion or build their new dream house. I just want to cozy on into my home with my family and to enjoy the blessings that we already have.

2013 feels like she is going to be a lamb of a year. Steady and stationed, not too dramatic yet it feels like she will carry on at a steady pace that requires you to be present and aware. Sounds like just the kind of year that I am up for. I have heard from many others that have very similar feelings. This year there seems to be a common theme, more so than usual, people just want to be happy. They just want to enjoy the lives that they have and are creating for themselves. Isn’t that what we should all be doing all the time? If only it were so easy. I know for myself, I can easily get caught up in the happenings of the day's news. I am such an empath that I end up feeling a lot of what is happening to others. I have to make an effort to not take on what is happening in other people’s worlds. Sometimes I feel guilty for not allowing myself to go there, but the reality is, that we all have our own lives that absolutely cross paths but that we, I, must remain in my own life. That has been an AHA! Moment for me this year so far… staying in my own life so that it can remain simple. That doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy other people’s successes and triumphs or offer support to their crisis, it just means that I, we, don’t need to walk in their shoes. It may prove to be more helpful to walk beside them and to help lead the way while their light has been dimmed.

I have friends who can do this very well and I have often wondered if they were callus or cold, how could they be just so disconnected from their friends, I would wonder. As it turns out I am the one out of balance and have been needing to tear a page out of their book of how to be a good friend without over spending energy in a needless way.

AHA! That only took 39 years to figure out how to step back and out  in order to step up and in...

We are back at home now from the cabin. The fire is blazing, the kids are reading their new books, and the Silver Fox and I are sharing a glass of wine and just enjoying our home and the blessings within. The first day of 2013 has proven to be a welcomed glimpse of what a beautiful year is to come.

My wish for you this year is that you find the joy you look for and that many more find you. May your hearts be filled with friendship and may you enjoy more love than your heart can handle. 

I look forward to experiencing what this year will bring to us. May it be filled with beauty and may it hold more keys to our most authentic lives.

Happy New Year!!

love & light,

t.

Thank You 2012

Being up the Sunshine Coast here, resting in our family’s cabin, it is easy to forget the hectic schedule that December delivers. Here, from a cozy chair I can gaze out the window and watch boats sail by, eagles soar and I am easily enveloped by the tranquility that this sacred place offers .

Sharing this peaceful time with my family,  including my husband’s parents has been a beautiful reprieve. It is lovely to hunker down and just be. The children are in their element. There is no place that they love more, or people that they adore more, so being up here has been the perfect medicine for all of us.

My in-laws left today and were only here for a quick overnighter. So it returns as it is each year at this time, there are just the four of us and our dogs up here to say good bye to the year and to welcome in the new one. It gives me great joy to spend this quiet time reflecting on the year and revisiting the lessons and blessings while sending out thoughtful intentions out for the new year.

I usually write out some goals and revisit past ones and do an inventory of the successes and do some reconsidering of the ones that did not come to fruition and then giving a good hard look at why that might be and what lessons came from it. Half the time the lessons of the failures were the whole point rather than the completion of the goal. Besides, you can always have a retry at the goals that were unfulfilled, at least I believe so.

2012 was quite the year. I think that if you read my blog, you know of my blessings and lessons so I need not go into detail here. It’s safe to say that it was a big year of

great things, and of great extremes.  Our family saw great adventure and greater adversity in the way of ailing health and wellness. Please keep my family in your prayers as we head into 2013.

If I were to sum up 2012 I would have to focus on Faith. This year I found that I turned to faith in a bigger way than I ever have before. That will happen to you when someone you love’s health is in jeopardy. You will turn to faith to keep you in the light when the shadows come calling.

I have always enjoyed having that solid belief system in something bigger than me. After several years of losing people that I loved very much, I turned from my faith and began to question all things related. I have always been a spiritual person. But in the face of great loss, and great questions surrounding the why that comes along with it, I have paid little attention to the God in things. I have focused on the light and love more and ignored the source you could say. Losing so many important people in such a small period of time was just too much pain, and I had a hard time believing that there was a God that would orchestrate such darkness. And then with the arrival of my nephew’s illness, I had no where else to turn but to God. The doctors do not have all of the answers and the ones that they do have are not serving my nephew’s health in the way that we need right now.

People always balk at the word God. I am not talking about Jesus or the other prophets that make many people cringe, I am talking about the life source in the world. There are so many questions I have regarding God, but what I do know, is that I have spent dozens of hours praying for my young nephew this year and each time I have finished, I have honestly felt better. There is something to be said for that.

I have high hopes for 2013. I have a long list of hopes and dreams that I plan on meeting along the road to fruition. First and foremost, a cure for my precious nephew and for all those out there fighting for their lives. I have a wish to see my beautiful children grow strong and healthy and to prosper in all they do. I hope that my husband continues to feel loved and to find solace in his work and play. I want my friends and family to love and be loved, to find fortune of heart and spirit where ever they go and to find the peace in spirit as I have this year.

I want to continue to live a generous life where I put others before myself and I want to be a role model to my children that no matter what happens to you in any given day, your happiness is directly linked to your attitude. With a positive attitude and a healthy outlook, anything is possible and nothing is quite that bad.

In 2013 I want to continue 2012’s theme of simplifying. I want to simplify on a grand scale of small things. Everything from the linen closet to the circle of people I share my life with. I want to just bring everything to a cleaner more user friendly state of being that supports a healthy and happy existence for my immediate family and myself and that will further solidify the amazing foundation I have built with my nearest and dearest, including those whom I wish to build one with.

2013 promises to bring many blessings, but this year I don’t have a long wish list of gifts I want to ask of her, I just want more of the same and I want to need less of it.

I feel that I have been so blessed, that I just want to have a quiet, low maintenance year where I find all of my gifts are in the giving. A place and a way of life I have come to have deep appreciation for.

Being up here at the cabin and away from our daily routine, I am offered a clarity that I would not otherwise have. At home there is always a chore list, jewelry to make, friends to call back, where up here, the world stops and the quiet moves in.

There is a stillness here that allows you to catch up with your inner voice and to really stop and listen to what the universe has put in front of you.

Since I have been up here, the word that keeps coming to mind in my head is gratitude. I am just so grateful for a blessed year of life long memories and lessons that will re-gift them selves to me for as long as I live. I have beloved friends and family that make me feel loved and appreciated and I have you, a crew of people that somehow find some value in hearing about my journey through this crazy life.

Thank you for continuing to read my blog, and I continue to hope that you find a small piece that speaks to your heart and that somehow inspires you. I hope that there is a little piece of me that resonates with you and that makes you feel heard, understood or at the very least that there is a kindred spirit out there that is learning some of the same lessons as you.

From my heart to yours,

Happy New Year.

love & light,

t.