Recollection & Renewal

On the eve of 2015, I find my thoughts wandering back into the year behind us, reflecting on all
of the teachers and challenges that found me and that I found this year. Looking back is always bittersweet. Each year there are always unexpected treasures and delights that you could never have dreamed of for yourself and then there are the heartaches that you could not have fathomed would ever darken your doorstep. In both instances, we surface the other side with a greater capacity for love and endurance.

Although, I will always choose love and light and to focus on the gifts and the blessings. This year
did offer so much beauty to focus on, but it did not come without challenging my commitment to remain positive in the face of fear and change.

While 2014 hosted a multitude of absolutely amazing opportunities and adventures, it also presented
several life altering situations. On the side of beauty, we had three new babies in our family both
immediate and extended, with a couple more on the way. We were privileged enough to visit some of our family’s favourite places and were lucky enough to be there with our dear friends and loved ones.
We enjoyed the luxuries of many epic concert experiences, traveling in our motor home,
hosting visiting family and friends, birthday celebrations, accomplished goals, creating new bonds with great friends, experiencing and witnessing the successes in our home and of our beloveds and having opportunities to further nourish life long friendships.

We have had our share of true joy this year but as I mentioned, the joy was even more wonderful when it enveloped us because we were also visited by several challenges that had us counting our blessings and praying for more to come. I have to think that we are coming to an age where health issues are more prevalent amongst our parents and their friends, but also in our own circle of friends.

The year was quite smooth until the summer arrived and one of my dearest friends moved out of province. It is always difficult when a loved one moves away, but it is especially difficult to face when it is someone who is in your day to day life. All of a sudden you wake up one morning and your
living your life without seeing or hearing from that person in the same way that once provided you
a constant sounding board, comrade and partner in coffee and crime. It was a huge adjustment which
took a larger toll than I had anticipated.

My heart was healing when word arrived that a dear friend had suddenly passed away. There
was no warning. It was a freak accident. They were here one day and gone the next. It was shocking, horrifying and totally blindsiding. It was another loss that took a large toll and left a huge hole in our community of friends.  There are no words I can call on to convey how gutted we all were.

This summer was lovely and then again, all hell broke loose. This past fall, in as many weeks, I found out that three of my very dear, beloved girl friends are fighting cancer. Just when you think that you can handle the fear that follows the journey of cancer treatment with one of your nearest and dearest, you find out that wait, you have two friends fighting the fight, but then you wake up one morning to that phone call you just want to believe is a dream or nightmare… but you realize that the reality is that you have three of your own fighting for their lives. Except for the grace of deep rooted strength and not having a choice, you muster up the courage and put on your game face and you go into battle leading the charge. That old saying ‘never let them see you sweat’ should be revamped to say ‘never let them see you sweat, cry, worry or your fear’.

When it comes to life, nothing is as important as good health. Of course there is never a good time to
get this kind of news, but on the heals of these revelations, I was kicked hard when I was down, and was literally disowned by someone I had considered more than a best friend. My family was her family and vice versa, until one day she decided she was ‘done’. You can imagine the emotional challenge; however, there is something very amazing about divine timing. When you are dealing with life and death in such a major way, and then forced to deal with someone’s fickle and flakey dismissal of your love and friendship, it is all put into perspective in a major way, really fast. That said, loss is loss any loss requires and deserves an appropriate amount of grieving. It is what it is and it was what it was… just not what I thought it was. My bad.

With friends coming and going, fighting for their lives, dying, divorcing, moving away, moving closer, losing loved ones, aging parents, launching businesses, buying and selling vehicles and vacation investments with the added blessings and stresses of everyday struggles that are all apart of daily life, to say the least it was an interesting year by any standards, which had me constantly battling the urge to leave the present moment rather than relishing the comfort that one can find when living in the moment.

As individuals we know ourselves. We know what we are capable of handling. By autumn I knew I was about at my limit when even more news of poor health arrived to us, surrounding other loved ones. I knew that I had to stay in the light and focus on the facts and not the what ifs. That is precisely where I have forced myself to remain until treatment strategies and surgeries are behind us. We are still presently in that holding pattern. It makes one feel weak and
useless while literally several of you close loved ones are battling for their life and quality of life, and you are stranded on the sidelines, unable to do anything of consequence.

With all of the goodness of 2014 and the challenges that arrived on the heels of so many blessings, it made it very easy to give deep gratitude for our health, the health of our children and the life that has given us so much to enjoy. Where this past year was so lovely and joyful, it was also extremely emotional and has left us in a state of limbo in many ways. While we hang on for many happy endings, we wait with bated breath as the uncertainty that crept up upon us in 2014 is grandfathered into 2015, despite the lack of invitation.

My hope and focus for 2015 is for good health, not just for myself and my immediate family, but for all of my loved ones and for all of yours. In light of this year and the lessons it brought, I am recommitted more than ever to bring health to the forefront of my life and that of my family’s. It pains me to admit it, but I have not made overall health in every aspect of our lives, the priority that it needs and deserves to be. I try hard and often succeed in being a positive role model for the children in my life, but I know I can do better.

With all of the above information laid out there, it goes without saying that my goal for 2015 is to bring my health to where it needs to be. With all of the details above comes a responsibility to know better and to do better. Life is such a gift but in no way is it a given. There is a fine line between living and being alive, but once you cross that line into living fully, the rewards are ample and they provide a greater experience in an already miraculous world.

My wish for you is to always remain focussed on the light that causes any shadow that finds you. Remember that there are gifts in every challenge despite the anchor of pain that might keep you from immediately realizing it. The gifts are always worth the trials that you sometimes have to endure.

Wishing you love & light in 2015,

t.

The Myth of Love, Friendship & Forever.

With February soon to be here, it is easy to get caught up in the ‘idea’ of love.
Love comes at us from many angles. We love our intimate partners, we love
our sisters, our brothers, we love our children, we love our friends, our pets,
our parents etc… Love. Love. Love.

To know me is to know that I love, love. I can find it in anything and I find it
in everything. I will always choose to see the good in every situation, given
enough time to process the moment. Happiness is a choice and I find joy in
love and light. I love fully or I don’t love. I don’t know half way, it is simply not
apart of my DNA. Negative, skeptical and insecure people usually find this
really annoying. Too bad for them, I say. Must bite to be so miserable, I figure.

Love truly is beautiful and necessary to have in our lives provided that
there are healthy boundaries in place. The moment a line of respect is crossed
you quickly realize that there is fine line between love and hate.

Regardless of the relationship, boundaries broken can create the perfect platform
to host a painful lesson which can and often lead to the discovery that the the way
we think of love is not necessarily a true representation of the reality of how love
actually works.

True love. Those words bring me back to a moment I witnessed this past Christmas.
It was Christmas afternoon and I had been thinking of a loved one who had passed
on, so, I decided to visit the cemetery. I entered into the gates and continued on driving
slowly to the far north end of the yard. I noticed families gathered around headstones.
I saw dozens of newly left poinsettias to honour loved ones gone. It wasn’t long before
I felt the blanket of heaviness that was hovering over the entire place.

Despite the heaviness, I was honoured to be there and to visit my loved one. Did I shed
a few tears? Did I convey how much I wished that they were still here? Of course. I brushed
off the headstone, wished them a Merry Christmas and I slowly walked back to my car saying
a prayer of thanks that I was able to represent a few of us and leave a little love there on what
was a beautiful winter’s day. I was there because I love this person.

As I drove out of the yard, slowly, on the narrow lane, I noticed a woman. She sat in a camping chair
with a child not much older 2 years old on her lap. The child was napping and she was staring off
into the distance in a stare 5 miles long. There was a picnic blanket, toys, snacks, a thermos and
several other items that conveyed to me that they had spent the morning there and that they had no
plans of leaving anytime soon. I was humbled, horrified and heart wrenchingly aware that while I
had been at home with my family, cherishing the our moments together, this woman had been there
‘spending time’ with her late husband. She was there because she is in love.

As I continued driving past, I knew in that moment that I had just witnessed ‘true love’. I have always
believed since the day I met my husband that I know what ‘true love’ is; however, in that moment I
realized that I had been sweating the small stuff a little too often. I try to keep my eye on the prize but
there are moments when I get caught up in trivial things that actually do not matter. I realized that
I am able to better honour the gift of true love that I have, by staying more present. I know that woman sitting there with babe in arms would give anything to forget the small stuff and to be with her beloved for even one minute longer in this life time. Witnessing this scene made me instantly recommit to being fully aware of how and with whom I spend my time with.

Over the past few years, I have spent a great deal of time and care ‘purging’ my friendship circle. Maintaining only the relationships which nourished me and made me a better me. I had decided last year to not allow anyone to treat me with any less respect than I feel I deserve. I made a commitment to myself that I would let people know when their words were cutting or perhaps feeling less than kind or considerate. What I didn’t count on is that by demanding respect and calling people on their words that did not reflect the standard of friendship that I believe any healthy relationship should have, that I would be on the receiving end of a purge, that I, in fact, would be purged.

Of course when this recently happened, I was dumbfounded, side swiped, gutted and deeply hurt on a cellular level when one of my best friends decided that it was time to cut ties with me. At first, I was simply heartbroken. I was sad as I had lost a family member, a sister as far as I was concerned; however, after using my inner circle as a solid sounding board who knew both sides well, I presented the facts as I know them to be true. After a great deal of discussion I  came to realize that perhaps I did not have what it takes to nourish this friend’s spirit. I love this person to this day as much as I ever have. I love her enough to realize that she deserves what makes her happy and if my friendship is not enough for her, than that is just the way it is. I also realized that sometimes, some people do not realize when they are subconsciously saying hurtful things that can only and could only ever be perceived as hurtful. That old saying ‘We know not what we say’, comes into play sometimes.

Sometimes the love you have for a friendship has a shelf life, I have learned. You can love as long as you like, but it doesn’t mean the person you are gifting that love to is always going to want to receive it. We are gifted teachers and challenges on a daily basis. Sometimes a person can qualify for both titles. I have learned a great deal about human nature, authenticity, illusions & love. In some instances, with the huge the help of birthday cards/books, written words and otherwise,
I had convinced myself that I have meant more to certain people than I actually ever did.

I have willingly and happily spent love & energy in a direction that was primarily one way, believing that down the road at some point, some year, that the tides would change and the flow would one day find balance. Well, not everything that we believe will come to fruition actually does. The relationship, one which I can honestly say, I gave my authentic self to in a routinely selfless way, was in my opinion a forever relationship. We spoke of raising our kids together. We discussed what it was going to be like when our families retired together. We annually spent holidays together. We share a lovely group of friends from both sides with whom have been very supportive in a private, ‘please don’t let on that I’ve called you, please don’t repeat this’ kind of way. We will likely find ourselves at parties, vacation spots, etc… together and ultimately we will continue to be in each others
force fields whether we want to be or not. Her friends continue to contact me and my friends remain hers, our husbands are good friends.  Our social circles are simply designed in a way that will see that happen into the future. So… it is what it is and life goes on. We are adults. We have social graces.
It will be fine.

Life goes on. Life unfolds and if witnessing that woman by her husband’s grave on Christmas Day
taught me anything, it taught me that life is too short. Life is too short to hang on to ‘what ifs’ & ‘how comes’.  Onwards and upwards, lessons under the belt and scars to prove we were there and we lived to tell about it. If seeing that woman by her husband’s grave gave me one sacred take away it is the reminder that forever does not exist. We can romanticize the notion of something, let it be love, life or friendship being forever but the truth is that tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new light which will shift the shadows that were there the day before and cast new ones where you never dreamed there would ever be one.

At the end of the day the only love you can count on is the love you give. For reasons that will make sense and sometimes won’t, love can be given, taken and redirected without notice. Forever is an illusion that comforts us in a world where the only thing that stays the same is change.

While the world and Hallmark prepares to insight mass anxiety over the need to be loved, find love, give love, I will quietly remember that love is truly about accepting yourself and those around you for who they are, where they are and why they are. Enjoy what you have, while you have it.
True love is unconditional and lame imitations need not apply. The myth about love, friendship and forever is only cruel if you forget who you are and why we are here... to love and be loved.

love & light,

t.

Letting Go

 Just those two words paired together puts a knot in my stomach. Letting. Go. Yes, they really do which is quite amazing considering I am the queen of letting go and moving on. If something isn't serving me or no longer nourishes me, I find it easy to cut it loose and not miss a beat. It's true, whether it be a pair of shoes, an idea or a relationship, watch out, I know how to let go.

I suppose I learned to let go at an early age due to the fact that our family was constantly moving around. I went to eleven elementary schools in 5 different cities and 15 different houses by the time I was 14. I learned early that nothing stays the same and to be very cautious where to lay roots or invest my love and friendship. That being said, it is clear to me why my circle of bffs is extremely small and made up of a amazing, loving women.

At this point in my life, however, I am tired of letting go. I have done it enough times now that I am quite delighted with where my life is, and who is in it. I really am done with the 'letting go' thing. I am especially not ever happy to let go of anyone that I love and adore, especially when the letting go is due to the fact that someone is relocating to a new city.



(Ugh... insert big sigh, stomach knot and eyes that are holding back tears, here.)

I know you have had a moment in life when you meet someone and the two of you just click. You both know that in that moment that other person has without any accreditation, purpose or experience, has earned a seat at your table reserved for your bffs. You just know they will earn it along the way, but you know innately that they belong there, and will always have their name on a piece of your heart.

Four years ago, this happened to me for the first time in nearly a decade. I was at Hollyburn, our local club, and I met a girl there that also had kids and was new to town, and we chatted and realized that we had a lot in common. Within a few weeks we were arranging coffee dates for us, never mind play dates for our children!

Our friendship grew and plateaued for the first couple of years, as we had children in different schools, but by the 2.5 year mark, we were as thick as thieves and we knew we shared a very unique and special connection. From that point on we grew closer and closer to the point that we made a point of talking or texting nearly everyday. There has truly never been anyone else that I have ever been so contactful with other than my husband and children.

Needless to say, both of our other bffs remained equally as special to us, but as for mine, they all either work full time or live in a different province or an island away. Having a bff in my own neighbourhood has been a new and amazing experience that I am ever so grateful for. Don't get me wrong, I have many other good friends in my community that I am very fond of and grateful for, but a BFF has seen you at your worst, your best, and your most vulnerable... and they love and accept you for all of it. That is a tall order...

Well, it was incredibly sweet while it lasted. Fortunately and unfortunately, my new dear friend, who I will call 'B', along with her awesome husband and family, made the business decision to return to the city and province in which they last moved from for the sake of a fantastic business opportunity that they simply could not turn down. I am delight for them as a family and for the opportunity that they have in front of them and I say that honestly with a heart full of hope for them. I on the other hand have a definite heartbreak going on.

 Trust me, I know change is good. I know that everything happens for a reason and I know that 'B' and I will be friends for life and there after, but it does not take away the sting of letting go of having this person in my day to day life. Distance is a funny thing... you can be a 30 minute drive from someone and that distance simply puts enough space between you that you cannot manage to be in each other's weeks. I realize skype exsists. I know the phone is there, but nothing is as nourishing as a hug from someone who truly matters to you. Nothing compares...

So, I once again am learning how to let go of something & someone incredibly special to me. I know it is not a good bye... not even a possiblity! I just know that like everything else in life, our friendship as we know it is evolving. Am I looking forward to quartly flights to Calgary? No! Am I looking forward to hanging our with her and her family watching movies and chilling on their couch... hell yes!

Life is so precious, and there are so many superficial people in the world, that when you meet one of the golden ones, it is such a gift, they are the reason we put ourselves out there to love and be loved.
Even if our good bye was for good, the blessings that I have been given by this friendship and sisterhood far surpass any gift I ever thought I would know.

So what is the lesson here? What is my take away? Well, I suppose that I remember that letting go doesn't necessarily have the finality that my past 'letting go' has had. I am able to redefine in my mind and heart that letting go simply means that our evolution is constant and as we evolve our world will look different, like it or not. I have made and received such a beautiful investment of friendship, that even if I never saw 'B' again, my heart has enough love for her and from her to sustain our friendship going forward. Now isn't that something to rejoice... Once a beloved, always a beloved.

Mostly, I have learned that letting go has not hurt me this much in decades, which proves to me that those relationships did not have the depth to deserve my sorrow. They certainly were worth the lessons I learned, but I know for certain that sometimes a little pain is actually a beautiful affirmation that you have experienced something real and truly beautiful.

There is a gift in the pain of letting go. It means that whatever is leaving mattered.


Wishing you love & light,

t.

The Gratitude Process

There is not a day go by that we as humans, do not want for something. It is often a minor thing, like a hot cup of Chai. Yet, at times it can be something that would prove to be life changing. Normally, depending on the magnitude of the want, we either attend the craving by obtaining whatever it was that we wanted; however, the larger ‘wants’ seem to go unsatiated and we go on wishing for something to come or way or to happen for us.

Many people believe in positive visualization or they believe that somethings are just not attainable for them in this lifetime. There are a multitude of reasons why people settle for going without what they want. Often times, we feel that the dream is too big or that we are somehow undeserving. There are those that truly believe that they are just not ‘lucky’ enough to get what they want.

The truth is this; there is no luck. I love the Oprah quote,  “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” I didn’t quite understand the quote at first. It took me a few weeks of processing and relating the quote to my personal experience before I was able to fully appreciate the logic. It goes without saying if you want to be a chef, you need to do the ground work and educate yourself on cooking. I get that. What took me time to grasp was how that logic applied to me.

I know plenty of people who honestly seem to have an easier ride in this life, than most. They ‘seem’ to have things and opportunities arrive at their door, seeking them out, instead of the other way around. I remember the day I sat down with one of those people and I basically interviewed them on how they managed to live and create what I can only label as a ‘charmed life.’ The answer I was given changed my life from that day forward. I took their words and advice and added some wisdom that I already had and I have employed them together, ever since. Have I lived a ‘charmed life’ as a result? Not necessarily. Do I feel that my well is full and that I am living a life that I adore and appreciate? Absolutely!

I refer to this process as the “Gratitude Process’:

There is no safe guarded secret or ancient recipe that I was given, rather, I was given a set of tools which serve me well. Do I always attract what I hope to? Not always and not exactly, but what I do attract is what is best for me and my journey at that point in my life. There is a great saying…”Thank goodness for unanswered prayers!” Sometimes what we think we want is not what will best serve our better good, and it turns out in the long run that we are grateful that what we prayed for did not find us.

The first piece of sage advice I was given was to remember that life is not perfect. Not everything will always look like we had hoped; however, if we stay true to the course, it is usually revealed that we received exactly what we needed at that time. We need to remember to go with the flow and to not get hung up on the plans we had made, rather, appreciate what we have at any given time.

The second tool that is absolutely essential to acknowledge is that if you are thinking it, you are feeding it energy, and that is where the beginning and ending of most everything starts… in your thoughts. For example, if you want a new bike, you need to start utilizing positive visualization. You need to imagine yourself at the store purchasing the bike you want. Then you need to imagine riding ‘your’ bike. Imagine how it feels under you. Picture yourself putting it away after a great ride. You truly need to experience having it in your mind.

Once you have accepted that although you wanted a blue bike, you just may have to settle with a red one. Once you have experienced the ‘feeling’ of owning it you then need to talk about it. Discuss with your friends your intentions of owning this bike. Tell them how you intend on paying for it, where your first ride is going to be and how excited you are about having it. Really by discussing it out loud, you are verbalizing it to the universe that you want this ‘thing’. You need to remember, that if you do not set your clear intention and let the universe know, how will the universe provide for you?

A major key to this powerful equation is that you need to be full of gratitude for what you do have. You cannot be hung up on not having this item that you want for. You need to first make peace with what you have has served you well and that if this other ‘want’ does not come to fruition, that you are equally at peace with that. By letting it go before you even have it is such an important part of obtaining what you want. If you were to get obsessed with the want, it will become a negative experience for you and you will end up surrounded by your own negative energy which will not only repel what you ‘want’ but also the people around you.

Finally, you need to go after what you want. You need to seek out whatever it is that you need to achieve in order to have the wanted thing. You need to do the preparation in order to be in a good place to receive the thing when it comes along. Preparation meets Opportunity. Be prepared. What I find incredibly beautiful about this step, is that half the time, you have done the preparation without even knowing it or you completed it years ago without giving it any thought how it would benefit you in your future!

So to recap; you want to accept that what you wish for may look different than what you think you want. You need to positively visualize and imagine what it will be like to have the think that you are after. You need to share your intentions with the universe so that the universe can help to provide you with what would be of service to you and finally you need to be absolutely grateful and humble for what you do have and you must accept that perhaps the thing you think you want, may not be in line with what is best for you at this time in your life. Once you have completed your preparation, you are ready to receive. That may sound like many steps, but I cannot explain to you, how easy this process is or how often it has worked for me personally.

To give you an idea of what I am talking about, here is a recent example of how ‘the process’ has served me.

Besides owning my own jewelry design company, I have otherwise been out of the work force for exactly 10 years. A whole decade has passed and I have not been on anyone else’s payroll, except my own. Ten years is a long time to be out of the work force. Things have changed in my previous field of work. I have spent that past decade having children and nurturing them into the school system where they are presently flourishing. I, on the other hand have been craving to wet my feet again and rejoin the work force in some capacity. I have been toying with the idea for about a year now.

Six months ago, I spoke about my intention to seek some sort of employment for the first time. Since then I have inquired a few times about a few different jobs but at the end of the day, their needs did not match up to my availability. I have school aged children. I need to be there to drop them off at school and there to pick them up after school. There are stat holidays, easter and spring breaks, and then of course the two months off each summer where they of course are 100% my priority. I kept thinking to myself that I would love to find a part time job, but I was very doubtful about someone hiring me with my limited availability.  Then of course there was is my need for financial benefit. Unless I feel like I am making decent money, why would I work somewhere part time? It would make no fiscal sense.

Fast forward to one month ago. I was sitting on my deck, designing jewelry when I remembered my ‘Gratitude Process’. I felt like kicking myself for taking so long to remember how important it is to me and how well it has served me over the years. I immediately put down what I was doing. I pulled out my yoga mat. I went through some poses and began to meditate. I focussed on the perfect job. I decided in that moment that I wanted to be someone’s ‘girl friday’, a professional assistant, an executive assistant with a strong personal assistant gear. I began to imagine how valuable I could be to the right person. I focussed on what I could do for someone, rather than what they could do for me. I considered the multifaceted nature of my experience and skill set and I imagined how beneficial that could be to someone. I made the decision right there that I was going to approach two different people that I knew and pitch them my offer to work for them. Both individuals I knew well and respected. I had also decided that I needed to know the person I was going to work for because I knew I only wanted to invest my time, energy and love into someone that I could sincerely care for. The first person I approached took no time to shut me down. They simply did not have the room on their payroll for anyone else at this point. So, I went to the second person on my list and they were gracious to hear me out. They were thoughtful while I pitched my idea and they actually were intrigued and agreed that at some point in the near future they would call on me and we could set up an arrangement. A month later and I had heard nothing from them. I took that as a time to let go and let the universe provide me if and when this ‘want’ was going to be in my best interest.

I had let the idea go last Saturday, and on this past Thursday is when I saw one of my friend’s twitter feeds. She was advertising that she needed a part time Executive Assistant who could also cross over into a little personal assistant work. I could not believe my eyes. There it was! Someone I knew, liked and respected, needing exactly what I want to do in the capacity in which I was available to do it. I applied right then and there. I heard from her the next day. We arranged to go for a walk to discuss the position and both of our different sets of needs. Today was the day we walked. I found her needs were within my realm of knowledge and my needs which were mostly about the time I needed to be with my children. On every count that I was concerned was going to put a wedge between me and this job, it actually was a none issue and in fact worked well with this person’s schedule. I could not believe my ears. The more this amazing women spoke about what her hopes were for the position the more excited I became. Right there in front of me was the person and the job I had been visualizing. Once again the ‘Gratitude Process’ worked. Again, it did not come to fruition in the way I had planned or in the timing I had originally wanted, but it arrived in it’s own divine timing.

As it turned out, I was one of a dozen different applicants, and I was told that I was one of a couple that were actually in the running for the job. Both the other applicants and I had a different set of skills, and what I thought was going to be hurting my cause actually helped me to get the job. My age… Forty years old and out of the work force for ten years… instead of seeing me as out of the work force, it was seen as ready for a challenge after a good rest. My age was seen as a mature and responsible person. The time off I needed was also time off that my new employer also needs. Money was not an issue and I feel fabulous and appreciated by my new salary.

You simply never know what is around the corner waiting for you. You never know how you or what you think are issues, will actually be perceived. Here I had this great
process and I spent 6 months forgetting about it. Then I allowed negative chat to enter my head which worked against me for another 6 months. Not until I remembered to value myself and all that I bring to the table, was the universe able to provide for me. Half of the experience that makes me valuable to this position are tools and experience I gained between 10 & 15 years ago. I was preparing for this job without even knowing it.

I cannot help but wonder what this new job will be preparing me for. I don’t know. What I do know is that I am excited to step out into this new chapter of my journey.
I can hardly wait for tomorrow to get here so that I can jump in with two feet and begin to hopefully inspire and to be inspired.

I encourage and invite you to give some thought to the process you evoke when you want something. Does it work for you? Do you have an ‘attitude of gratitude’?
Do you think that perhaps you have room in your repertoire to try out the ‘Gratitude Process’? I promise you that life feels lighter and brighter when you are thankful for what you have, where you are and who you are with.

Namaste,

Tiffany

Time Waits For No One

Do you ever find yourself in a moment when it seems like 6 months has passed and you have barely surfaced to breathe?

Life just gets so busy, so routined that before you realize it several months have passed and you are in an entirely different place since the last time you ‘checked in’ with yourself.

I had that moment today. I was chatting with my daughter who is not quite ten years old yet, and I had to stop our conversation, look at her, and then look again. At some point in the past year she has solidly arrived as a pre-teen. Her thoughts and her contribution to our discussion
were far beyond the capability and credit I had been giving her. Her wisdom and depth were thoughtful and thought provoking. At some point when I wasn’t looking she has transformed into this incredible person, and less the child that I thought I was still speaking to, rather than with.

After the conversation I had with ‘B’, I went directly to my husband to share my experience and so that he could help me to help me process the revelation I had just had and to try to fathom the ramifications of this newly discovered person I had stumbled upon. The range of emotions were vast.
I felt cheated. I felt cheated that the little girl I have loved, adored and raised, had exited without any pomp or circumstance, and this new young adult had arrived in her place with nothing more than a chance unveiling. I felt elated that this new found person was articulate, wise and thoughtful, yet, I was stricken with fear that the chapter as a parent I have spent the past decade cultivating was now done. There is a belief that who your children are by the age of 5 years old is whothey will ultimately be. The jokesters will be the jokers, the princesses will be the princesses, the serious ones will remain serious and so on…

Well, judging by my experience today and upon further reflection, I can see truth in that theory. I am delighted by my handy work and who ‘B’ has become, but I still thought that I had more time. I thought I had more time to polish and buff, to ignite and nourish, but today I learned somewhere
along the last few lines, the chapter has changed, and I never even noticed.

I suppose that is the biggest misconception we humans invest in, that we have more time. The truth is that our time is up. Our time is now. What we think we will have time for, make time for, or what we will enjoy later, is actually never going to manifest. The truth, our truth, is that if we do not stay present and make what we want apart of our ‘now’, it will likely not see the light of day, or worse, it will happen and we will not even notice, until the joy of the experience is but a reflected on memory.

We have all heard the elderly tell us to take the time we need to listen more to the young and the old, as that is where the world’s wisdom lies. I believe this now more than ever. Of course, I cannot get the past decade back, but I can listen and be more present with each day that arrives. Having turned forty years old several months ago, I have found a place where I do enjoy listening more, speaking less and just watching. I watch what people say vs. what their actions say.
I listen to my intuition more, and I have learned to disregard fear more than ever before. I have been actively trying to live more and fear less, but what I have ignored is the need for balance.

Today I learned that I have been so preoccupied with listening and watching the bigger picture, that I have overlooked the daily lessons and learnings that are happening right in front of me. I learned that no, I don’t have time to do ‘things’ later, and that I now have a new role in this next chapter of parenting. I am excited and anxious about the new task at hand, but I am ready, and I have two beautiful little spirits to discover this new journey with and a loving and supportive partner
to share the learning curve with. I have learned that I need to balance ‘now’ with the bigger picture.

So what is next? Well, we will all be putting down the electronics a bit more often. We will interrupt each other a little less, and we will create more time for one another a lot more often. We will fumble and fall. We will help each other up and we laugh while we do it all. Will it always be delightful, no, but that is real life. Not every day is going to be rainbows and butterflies, it will be challenging and filled with compromise. The one thing I can say for sure, is that we will do it together as a family.

I invite you to take a long, hard look at all of the relationships in your life. Do you need to take a new snapshot of who those people are and what they mean to you?
Do those relationships still nurture you, and do you still nurture them? Is it time to reevaluate the purpose of yourself or others in those relationships? Is it time to let go, dig in or give more appreciation where some is lacking?

Today I learned life truly is short. If we are not actively taking inventory in our day to day life, it will not call you in, rather, it will pass you by…


love & light,

t.

A New Year, A Fresh Perspective

There is something sacred about the different calendars that the world follows. Our calendar here in the West holds a great deal of power and tradition.We follow the calendar through the months, by the seasons and by where and when the light of the sun touches our earth, and we do so with great respect as the solstices come and go. It truly is amazing that the ancient rhythms, that guided our ancestors, continue to guide us today.

At this time of year especially, we put a great deal of pressure on what the new year will provide for us, and we raise our own personal expectations to match the heightened energy that surrounds us. Many of us tend to focus on all of the different things that we either didn't accomplish during the last year, or on the things that we need to "fix" in this new year. We create lists of resolutions and make pacts that we will do better, be better and live fuller lives. The disconnect occurs when we spend little to no time basking either in our accomplishments or enjoying the fruits of all that we did well or achieved during the prior year. We forget to welcome those accomplishments into the
new year with us. We seem to fool ourselves into thinking that, with a new calendar, we must move on, move ahead and face the new day with little thought of the previous twelve months.

The truth is that we actually deserve to relish in the goodness that we've manifested, and with an open heart. It would serve us well to bring the joy created by our achievements into the new year with us, so that we become able to further nurture and grow those things that served us so well before. Naturally, it is important to create and pursue new goals, but it is also important to continue to celebrate the goals that we have already realized. There is, in fact, something very refreshing about a new year. January brings with it a fresh start and a clean slate. During this month we want and need to aim higher and invite new challenges and experiences into our journey; however, we must remember to honor all of our hard work from yester-year and build on any momentum that will further our personal growth going forward.


There is a fine balance at play that requires us to use impeccable discernment when deciding how to begin a new year. We can charge into it with great hope and excitement, or we can greet the new year with the pressure to redefine ourselves with unachievable expectations (which may only lead to failure). We must remember that turning a page on a calendar, however freeing that ritual may feel, does not change who we authentically are. But it also doesn't hold us back from who we are destined to become. The new year simply acts as a reminder of where we are in our journey. It highlights all that brings us joy, and it reminds us that there is no time like the present to change that which is not working for us. It invites us to take inventory of our bucket lists and it allows us to adjust the many lists in our lives accordingly.


While you are making renewed promises to yourself to practice yoga with regularity, to meditate daily, and to eat local organics whenever possible, remember that you are exactly where you are meant to be and doing exactly as you are meant to be doing right now. You are perfectly imperfect this year… just as you were last year. Any improvements you employ will be worth celebrating, and any moments that remind you that you are (after all) human are all as exquisitely amazing.

If you make yourself any promises in honor of the new year, allow it to be this: That you will be as kind to yourself as you are to the strangers that you meet. That you will find as much compassion for yourself in your perfection and imperfection, as you do for your friends and family. And, most of all, even as you spread your light and love into the world through your thoughts and gestures, remember to surround yourself in the same white light that you so generously give to others.

If we as a society could manage to keep this promise to ourselves, imagine the world we would live in! But it's not necessary to try to manage the world, because you can only (and only need to) manage yourself. By allowing yourself to tread into 2014 with an open heart and self-compassion, accepting yourself exactly as you are, you are setting the intention that this will be a year filled with love and light… which we all innately deserve, we truly can affect our community in this way, and perpetuate our light in ways that we cannot even fathom.


Happy New Year!

love & light,

t.