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Thursday, August 22, 2013

Once In A Blue Moon

It seems only fitting that I would leave one decade and move into another, all by the light of a blue moon. As August 20th moved into the 21st, the light of blue moon shone and the full moon lit up my world like some sort of magic wand. It was epic, in the way that my last decade was.

A great friend of mine, Kristine from Victoria called me yesterday to wish me beautiful birthday blessings, and we discussed what this next decade represents to me. I have to say that in the past few days I have had the lovely opportunity to spend some quality time with some of the quality women in my life. The discussions have all been around this next ten years that I am embarking on. As I have mentioned in a previous post, the past ten years have been so good to me, that it has been difficult to really start exploring the possibilities of the next ten, until I explain to everyone how intertwined the decades really will be.

I think the best way to describe it is the way one of my 'besties', Lianne and I discussed it... we agreed that you spend your 30's doing amazing things. For me, personally, I settled into married life, I began my career, I had my children, I moved into my second home, I bought vehicles, toys, furniture, I grew an enormous amount as an individual. A great deal of major hard work went into creating this beautiful life that I love and cherish. I personally feel that my 40's should be spent enjoying the fruits of my labour.

Now that the Silver Fox and I are a bit older, we are a little bit more comfortable financially, we have our home, our children are at an age where they are enjoying a little bit more independence and so there for, so are we. Our marriage is solid, our friendships are deep, our careers are established, and we are in the process of de-cluttering our lives of the 'things' we have collected over the past decade, that we had to have then and need not for now.

I see the coming ten years as the time to really soak up the beauty that we have manifested in our lives. There is a great quote that reads, "Our happiness is based on the choices that we have made." I think that The Silver Fox and I have made some great choices along the way. Of course like anyone, there are some choices we look back on and see them strictly as the necessary vehicle to learn an important lesson, but nonetheless, an important choice all the same. I can say that our daily happiness rating is extremely satisfying, and largely due to our attitude that everything happens for a reason and in the divine timing that it should.

Being 40 to me, feels like I have arrived. I have gracefully landed in a place where I am comfortable in my own skin. I accept my imperfections as character and I welcome meaningful growth and challenge as a means to further pursue the person I authentically am. I have friends who feel like it goes down hill from here. I choose to have the opposite attitude, again, largely because I believe that every thought becomes your future reality. I am very careful with my thought process and I am very careful with the visualization that I know will become my life.

40 means enjoying my children and husband. Creating deeper, stronger roots in our community. Building beauty on the strong foundation that our family continues to grow on and to really focus on things that truly matter. Life is too short to bother with anything that doesn't promote the betterment of yourself and or the betterment of others. I am so over getting caught up in the gossip train that constantly has someone's mouth running. I done with caring what someone else thinks of me, quite frankly it is none of my business and it does not effect who I think I am anyway. I am finished with the fantasy that is perception. My only perception from here on in, is that life is a blessing and I am grateful for one more day on this planet with my family and true friends. Life is such a blessing, and I am afraid to admit that there have been moments in the past where I may have taken that for granted.

I have decided as of yesterday, that I will spend part of this next decade writing a memoir. I have attempted to do this in the past, but I came to a point where I felt that the negativity conveyed in the book would only perpetuate further negativity and I felt that I did not want to burden anyone with having to read some of the harsher happenings in my younger years. So, I went ahead and deleted 6 months worth of work. It was difficult to hit the delete buttons, but at the time it was the right thing for me to do. Today, I sit with the idea much differently. I feel like if someone is meant to read it, they will find it and read it, and hopefully if nothing else, they may take a lesson in resilience. Those who are meant to read it will find it and so I have been recalled to write it. It will be challenging to write the book as it is obviously deeply personal, but when you tell a story, especially your own, you release any power it ever had over you, so it can be very therapeutic. I am not saying or insinuating that my story is anymore interesting and important than anyone else's, but I do believe that from where my life began to where I have landed is quite remarkable. Anyone who knows my story only knows the pretty parts of the darker details, and for that reason I am eager to shed light on those shadows and release them forever.

So far that has been the biggest decision I have made in my 40's. Go big or stay home, I say. So who knows what will come of the book when it is completed. Perhaps it will stay in our safe forever, perhaps I will shop it to different publishers. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that it will take me years to do it and I am up for the task.

Other than being open to sharing, spreading and receiving the love and light that  40 has to offer, I am open to all that is meant for me in the next leg of this amazing journey.

Thank you to each of you reading this. The fact that this blog has found you means that somehow you have been a part of my journey and I thank you for the light and lessons you have brought my way.

light & love,

t.