Nothing Stays The Same

Before I even launch into writing what I really want to say, I need to acknowledge that this darn blogger site has somehow changed a setting that allows breaks between my paragraphs. When I am composing my post I use paragraphs and they do appear on my draft but once I publish they disappear. Forgive me- I am still trying to resolve it. I am constantly trying to create balance in my day to day life. Aren't we all? There are times when the challenge is greater than my ability to manifest it. These are the moments when I usually allow for myself to engage a little bit of auto pilot. What I mean by that is that I have come to expect certain people in my life to participate and behave a certain way. I know ideally we should expect nothing from anyone ever in life; however, when someone has been in your life for several years or decades even, you innately choreograph a certain dance that you engage in. We all represent a certain 'role' in one another's lives. The complication in this scenario is when we do not allow for the acknowledgment that we are constantly evolving and morphing into who we are meant to be. It is difficult to look at someone one you have known for your entire adult life and to see them with fresh eyes, especially when who you see is not who you remember them to be. There are always allowances we give to our nearest and dearest friends. When friend 'X' is always late, you think to yourself 'Ah, well she has been late for all of our lunch dates since we were 21, that's just her.' Well, my recent revelation is that I am no longer okay with these 'allowances'. My attitude now is that we are nearly 40 now, get a watch. It's one thing to be chronically late and it's another to disrespect someone else's time. Let me say, I do not have an issue with any of my friends being chronically late, it is just a great example. Recently, 'Princess' was in the heart of the Christchurch earthquake. If you have followed my blog you know that she is more like a sister to me than anything else. Needless to say, having her there was heart wrenching for all of us who love her. Luckily, by the time I knew of the situation there had already been word that she and 'The Aunty' were fine. Traumatized, but physically unharmed. My heart continues to go out to those who live in and have lost in New Zealand and to all of those who love them. I feel selfish to even say it considering I was not involved in the quake, but it was life changing to be here and helpless while 'Princess' was there. When you face the thought of losing someone so close to you, you naturally reevaluate your life's meaning and those within it. Hence the fact that I am now looking at all of my relationships and viewing them with fresh eyes. Life and time is so precious and so fleeting. What behaviors are no longer feeding my spirit? Which ones are draining my limited supply of energy and time? It can be difficult to face the reality of who your beloveds are vs. who you thought they still were. That said, check yourself while you are at it. I experienced a huge revelation in this regard a few years ago. There was one girl who had been in the peripheral of my social circle. We used to have this repetitive courtship where we would try to engage in a friendly way but it always ended in drama. She blames me, I held her accountable and it just was not becoming for either of us. It was after I read 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle that I realized that we were both feeding off the drama of it all. We both subconsciously knew that the other would engage in the drama and we learned to expect it from one another. It was a humbling experience to realize that I was equally responsible for this childish, exhausting behaviour that I had always given her credit for. It was amazing to realize that we were playing roles. We had created this dance of drama that we learned to count on the other one to engage with us in. Since then I have freed her and myself from any contact. It's just better that way. We really don't have to be friends with everybody. We really only need to be polite and gracious. Amen! It is okay even to not like someone, that's right! I said it! I said it! Wish them well and see yah! A friend sent me the link I have attached to this blog post. It speaks to this very subject and I love the way it is written. I encourage you to take a look at it. It really makes you think. Life is short. Make sure the people who you are giving your love to are mirroring it back to you. We are all busy, we all have lives and responsibilities there is never an excuse to take friendships for granted, nor should we. We risk the chance of being 'reevaluated'. On that note, go call your 'nears and dears' and tell them how much you love them! Love & Light, t.