It has been just over a year since my last blog post. I decided that I would dedicate every ounce of my writing energy to be spent on my memoir. The commitment has proven to be a great decision and my book is making great gains.
I could almost write a novel based on the happenings of last year, alone. It seems that the older we get, the more curve balls arrive at our doorstep. I am simply grateful that with age comes the wisdom to navigate these turbulent waters and that we are better able to discern what deserves our attention and what can be observed from a distance.
I am in constant flux. I am always siting that with every lesson comes growth and hidden gifts that will eventually be revealed, yet, I am always trying to make sense of the lessons and more than once I have made it clear to the universe that I am well grown, and I am to re-gift any more 'gifts' that may find me. I am done with the lessons for now, thank you, no thank you.
It appeared that 2016 with it's gentle arrival was going to be a softer and more easy going year. It stayed true to it's impression until recently. That saying 'that when it rains it pours' is ever true. April arrived and situations that were unfortunate showed up. Relationships I had doubted, showed their fractures and loved ones with questionable health gained certain issues.
It is at times when your loved ones are enduring uncertainty and your stability as a unit is in question that you begin to evaluate and reevaluate your place in this world. You pay closer attention who shows up for you, who love you enough to pick up the phone rather than sending impersonal texts and Facebook messages, and you are blessed by those who hunt you down, only to share a brief hug. These are the kinds of things that you pay attention to when the meek happenings in a day no longer interest you because they no longer register on your radar.
When real life happens to us, and by real life, I mean things that will matter in a year's time, you realize with heartbreaking clarity just how fragile each of us are. You see who really loves you and who does not. You come to terms with the fact that some of your friendships/relationships have run their course and you can be amazed by those who you never expected to meet you where you are, find you and lend support that you never anticipated from them. I dare to say that it is a great example of the gifts that find us.
Recently, someone shared with me a saying that resonated deeply with me. They said, " Parenting is a life long, daily lesson in letting go." This is so true and it speaks to every relationship that we invest in. We are a constantly evolving species and with that the only thing that stays the same is that we are constantly changing. It is always a great experience when two people evolve in the same direction, but that is a rarity and that is when you learn about unconditional love.
The bottom line and really the point of writing this is about 'love'. It is such a basic word, an innate feeling and a concept as old as time. If you love someone, then tell them so. Reach out to those who you may not have been in touch with for a long time, re-connect with those that you may have had a misunderstanding with, the simple act of attempting to connect is an act of love in itself.
On the other hand, if you no longer feel attached or connected to someone, or if you feel that the friendship has run it's course, then let them go. Give them the opportunity to open their hearts to new people. What I mean by letting go, is to forgive them the pretense of pretending to be delighted to see them, pretending that things have not changed and that your heart feels as close to them as it once did. To be very clear, that also means to unfriend them on Facebook etc... why keep the contact? Let it go. Let them go. Let yourself go on and be open to sharing that time with new potential friendships.
I had a friend disown me a couple of years back. The circumstances involved in the unfriending were as questionable then as they remain to be today, but here it comes... it turned out to be a gift. Initially, I was heartbroken, gutted and utterly hurt at a cellular level, then I realized that the situation was largely due to her own capacity to be accepting and nonjudgmental regarding things which she herself needed to address about herself. It was a great exercise in 'owning one's shit' and 'projecting one's shit onto another'. That said, I owned my shit and I realized that sometimes when someone is trying to disguise, evade or ignore their own issues, it is easier for them to create a story that alleviates them of any responsibility in dealing with the internal work that they need to do. I get it. I have done it. I have also lost some great friendships as a result.
Ultimately, having this dear friend disown me actually allowed me a freedom that I would never have granted myself without experiencing this loss. The time that I would have spent in this one sided friendship is now invested in new, mutually respectful and appreciative relationships that nurture and grow sans secret judgement and inauthentic good will. Had this person continued the facade I would have never known that my love was not authentically being returned, nor would I have opened myself up to some of the amazing new friendships that hold and heal my heart.
So, indeed the past couple of months have been stalked with great lessons. Ultimately, the foundation of every experience is love and the lessons that are being learned are around appreciating what is true. At the end of the day, what is important is family, and by family I sometimes mean those whom are born to us, but also, those whom we choose. Our best friends are our family and they can often be found in the foundation of who we are today.
If there is one take away from this piece, please let it be that our personal freedom which is our happiness can be found in the friendships that make up our family, who are the foundation that support our journey in this lifetime. In other words, our happiness is derived from those that we love.
Love. It's all about love.
love & light,
t.
Three of my 'moons' - Andrea, Beany, Paula - missing Marnie.
I could almost write a novel based on the happenings of last year, alone. It seems that the older we get, the more curve balls arrive at our doorstep. I am simply grateful that with age comes the wisdom to navigate these turbulent waters and that we are better able to discern what deserves our attention and what can be observed from a distance.
I am in constant flux. I am always siting that with every lesson comes growth and hidden gifts that will eventually be revealed, yet, I am always trying to make sense of the lessons and more than once I have made it clear to the universe that I am well grown, and I am to re-gift any more 'gifts' that may find me. I am done with the lessons for now, thank you, no thank you.
It appeared that 2016 with it's gentle arrival was going to be a softer and more easy going year. It stayed true to it's impression until recently. That saying 'that when it rains it pours' is ever true. April arrived and situations that were unfortunate showed up. Relationships I had doubted, showed their fractures and loved ones with questionable health gained certain issues.
It is at times when your loved ones are enduring uncertainty and your stability as a unit is in question that you begin to evaluate and reevaluate your place in this world. You pay closer attention who shows up for you, who love you enough to pick up the phone rather than sending impersonal texts and Facebook messages, and you are blessed by those who hunt you down, only to share a brief hug. These are the kinds of things that you pay attention to when the meek happenings in a day no longer interest you because they no longer register on your radar.
When real life happens to us, and by real life, I mean things that will matter in a year's time, you realize with heartbreaking clarity just how fragile each of us are. You see who really loves you and who does not. You come to terms with the fact that some of your friendships/relationships have run their course and you can be amazed by those who you never expected to meet you where you are, find you and lend support that you never anticipated from them. I dare to say that it is a great example of the gifts that find us.
Recently, someone shared with me a saying that resonated deeply with me. They said, " Parenting is a life long, daily lesson in letting go." This is so true and it speaks to every relationship that we invest in. We are a constantly evolving species and with that the only thing that stays the same is that we are constantly changing. It is always a great experience when two people evolve in the same direction, but that is a rarity and that is when you learn about unconditional love.
The bottom line and really the point of writing this is about 'love'. It is such a basic word, an innate feeling and a concept as old as time. If you love someone, then tell them so. Reach out to those who you may not have been in touch with for a long time, re-connect with those that you may have had a misunderstanding with, the simple act of attempting to connect is an act of love in itself.
On the other hand, if you no longer feel attached or connected to someone, or if you feel that the friendship has run it's course, then let them go. Give them the opportunity to open their hearts to new people. What I mean by letting go, is to forgive them the pretense of pretending to be delighted to see them, pretending that things have not changed and that your heart feels as close to them as it once did. To be very clear, that also means to unfriend them on Facebook etc... why keep the contact? Let it go. Let them go. Let yourself go on and be open to sharing that time with new potential friendships.
I had a friend disown me a couple of years back. The circumstances involved in the unfriending were as questionable then as they remain to be today, but here it comes... it turned out to be a gift. Initially, I was heartbroken, gutted and utterly hurt at a cellular level, then I realized that the situation was largely due to her own capacity to be accepting and nonjudgmental regarding things which she herself needed to address about herself. It was a great exercise in 'owning one's shit' and 'projecting one's shit onto another'. That said, I owned my shit and I realized that sometimes when someone is trying to disguise, evade or ignore their own issues, it is easier for them to create a story that alleviates them of any responsibility in dealing with the internal work that they need to do. I get it. I have done it. I have also lost some great friendships as a result.
Ultimately, having this dear friend disown me actually allowed me a freedom that I would never have granted myself without experiencing this loss. The time that I would have spent in this one sided friendship is now invested in new, mutually respectful and appreciative relationships that nurture and grow sans secret judgement and inauthentic good will. Had this person continued the facade I would have never known that my love was not authentically being returned, nor would I have opened myself up to some of the amazing new friendships that hold and heal my heart.
So, indeed the past couple of months have been stalked with great lessons. Ultimately, the foundation of every experience is love and the lessons that are being learned are around appreciating what is true. At the end of the day, what is important is family, and by family I sometimes mean those whom are born to us, but also, those whom we choose. Our best friends are our family and they can often be found in the foundation of who we are today.
If there is one take away from this piece, please let it be that our personal freedom which is our happiness can be found in the friendships that make up our family, who are the foundation that support our journey in this lifetime. In other words, our happiness is derived from those that we love.
Love. It's all about love.
love & light,
t.
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