Happy Mother’s Day?

With Mother’s Day only a couple of days away, there are advertisements, commercials and reminders that prompt us to give thanks for our amazing mothers. I am always happy for the
people out there that are blessed to have mother’s worthy of thanks; however, what about the rest of us who cringe at the sentiment, who aren’t as fortunate?

There is an unsung community of us who are motherless children.
Whether it is because of dysfunctional and abusive childhoods that carried through until we left home, or because of toxic relationships, there is a subculture of adults who do not have the privilege of enjoying
happy memories of our mother’s love and tender care. Many of us don’t even know what tender care from a maternal figure would feel like. Perhaps it was just never to be? Is it possible that some of us were never meant to know that particular brand of love?

Prior to having my own children, I would dread Mother’s Day. I would avoid going out in public. I would not engage in media of any sort. I simply did not want or need to see the fairytale that would
never be mine. Whether it is all a facade or not, watching people celebrating this matriarch who represented love, protection and unconditional love, was all too heavy for my heart, which carried this specific weight all year long regardless.

You would think at a certain point or age it would get easier or less painful to live without having a mother to turn to, to trade recipes with or to get pedicures with. The truth is, it never gets easier. The older you get the more you realize how important family is and how important having a mother is or would be.

Once having my own children, I was horrified to know how my mother was able to mistreat me and how foreign that concept is to me, especially after experiencing the love that I have for my own children. I could never bestow that kind of reckless abuse upon anyone, never mind my own innocent children.

When I was pregnant with my first child I longed to have a healthy, vibrant, peaceful mother who would share in my pregnancy journey. When my child arrived, I yearned to have a mother to help guide me through the early days. More than anything though, I wanted to have a grandmother to dote upon my child, a grandmother to offer my children who would love and adore them, like I do. Was I to assume that It was not meant to be?

One day after having my second child I had this amazing epiphany. I realized that having my own children had gifted me the opportunity to reparent myself, byway of parenting my children in a way that I knew they deserved.
I didn’t know how to be a great parent, except to parent in a way I wished I had been parented. By loving my children so fully and completely, I have brought the maternal love I’ve always needed and craved, into my life. I have personally benefited from simply and innately loving my own children. It was not by design but rather, as a result of the copious amounts of love that I effortlessly bestow upon my children.

My children have been incredible gifts to me, to my life. I never knew though how they would heal my heart and free it from the weight of wanting.

Now, when people wish me a Happy Mother’s Day, I finally feel the blessing in the statement because I am no longer reminded of my motherless self, rather, I organically think about the maternal love that fills my life and my home. It doesn’t matter that it is a love that I have created. What matters and what I choose to focus on is that it is a true love that envelops my family, and that is where the blessing lives. My family has a matriarch. My family is showered in this love every single day. 

This year and every year going forward it will be a Happy Mother’s Day, because I now know a maternal love worth celebrating.

Happy Mother’s Day? Absolutely!


love & light,

t.

Recollection & Renewal

On the eve of 2015, I find my thoughts wandering back into the year behind us, reflecting on all
of the teachers and challenges that found me and that I found this year. Looking back is always bittersweet. Each year there are always unexpected treasures and delights that you could never have dreamed of for yourself and then there are the heartaches that you could not have fathomed would ever darken your doorstep. In both instances, we surface the other side with a greater capacity for love and endurance.

Although, I will always choose love and light and to focus on the gifts and the blessings. This year
did offer so much beauty to focus on, but it did not come without challenging my commitment to remain positive in the face of fear and change.

While 2014 hosted a multitude of absolutely amazing opportunities and adventures, it also presented
several life altering situations. On the side of beauty, we had three new babies in our family both
immediate and extended, with a couple more on the way. We were privileged enough to visit some of our family’s favourite places and were lucky enough to be there with our dear friends and loved ones.
We enjoyed the luxuries of many epic concert experiences, traveling in our motor home,
hosting visiting family and friends, birthday celebrations, accomplished goals, creating new bonds with great friends, experiencing and witnessing the successes in our home and of our beloveds and having opportunities to further nourish life long friendships.

We have had our share of true joy this year but as I mentioned, the joy was even more wonderful when it enveloped us because we were also visited by several challenges that had us counting our blessings and praying for more to come. I have to think that we are coming to an age where health issues are more prevalent amongst our parents and their friends, but also in our own circle of friends.

The year was quite smooth until the summer arrived and one of my dearest friends moved out of province. It is always difficult when a loved one moves away, but it is especially difficult to face when it is someone who is in your day to day life. All of a sudden you wake up one morning and your
living your life without seeing or hearing from that person in the same way that once provided you
a constant sounding board, comrade and partner in coffee and crime. It was a huge adjustment which
took a larger toll than I had anticipated.

My heart was healing when word arrived that a dear friend had suddenly passed away. There
was no warning. It was a freak accident. They were here one day and gone the next. It was shocking, horrifying and totally blindsiding. It was another loss that took a large toll and left a huge hole in our community of friends.  There are no words I can call on to convey how gutted we all were.

This summer was lovely and then again, all hell broke loose. This past fall, in as many weeks, I found out that three of my very dear, beloved girl friends are fighting cancer. Just when you think that you can handle the fear that follows the journey of cancer treatment with one of your nearest and dearest, you find out that wait, you have two friends fighting the fight, but then you wake up one morning to that phone call you just want to believe is a dream or nightmare… but you realize that the reality is that you have three of your own fighting for their lives. Except for the grace of deep rooted strength and not having a choice, you muster up the courage and put on your game face and you go into battle leading the charge. That old saying ‘never let them see you sweat’ should be revamped to say ‘never let them see you sweat, cry, worry or your fear’.

When it comes to life, nothing is as important as good health. Of course there is never a good time to
get this kind of news, but on the heals of these revelations, I was kicked hard when I was down, and was literally disowned by someone I had considered more than a best friend. My family was her family and vice versa, until one day she decided she was ‘done’. You can imagine the emotional challenge; however, there is something very amazing about divine timing. When you are dealing with life and death in such a major way, and then forced to deal with someone’s fickle and flakey dismissal of your love and friendship, it is all put into perspective in a major way, really fast. That said, loss is loss any loss requires and deserves an appropriate amount of grieving. It is what it is and it was what it was… just not what I thought it was. My bad.

With friends coming and going, fighting for their lives, dying, divorcing, moving away, moving closer, losing loved ones, aging parents, launching businesses, buying and selling vehicles and vacation investments with the added blessings and stresses of everyday struggles that are all apart of daily life, to say the least it was an interesting year by any standards, which had me constantly battling the urge to leave the present moment rather than relishing the comfort that one can find when living in the moment.

As individuals we know ourselves. We know what we are capable of handling. By autumn I knew I was about at my limit when even more news of poor health arrived to us, surrounding other loved ones. I knew that I had to stay in the light and focus on the facts and not the what ifs. That is precisely where I have forced myself to remain until treatment strategies and surgeries are behind us. We are still presently in that holding pattern. It makes one feel weak and
useless while literally several of you close loved ones are battling for their life and quality of life, and you are stranded on the sidelines, unable to do anything of consequence.

With all of the goodness of 2014 and the challenges that arrived on the heels of so many blessings, it made it very easy to give deep gratitude for our health, the health of our children and the life that has given us so much to enjoy. Where this past year was so lovely and joyful, it was also extremely emotional and has left us in a state of limbo in many ways. While we hang on for many happy endings, we wait with bated breath as the uncertainty that crept up upon us in 2014 is grandfathered into 2015, despite the lack of invitation.

My hope and focus for 2015 is for good health, not just for myself and my immediate family, but for all of my loved ones and for all of yours. In light of this year and the lessons it brought, I am recommitted more than ever to bring health to the forefront of my life and that of my family’s. It pains me to admit it, but I have not made overall health in every aspect of our lives, the priority that it needs and deserves to be. I try hard and often succeed in being a positive role model for the children in my life, but I know I can do better.

With all of the above information laid out there, it goes without saying that my goal for 2015 is to bring my health to where it needs to be. With all of the details above comes a responsibility to know better and to do better. Life is such a gift but in no way is it a given. There is a fine line between living and being alive, but once you cross that line into living fully, the rewards are ample and they provide a greater experience in an already miraculous world.

My wish for you is to always remain focussed on the light that causes any shadow that finds you. Remember that there are gifts in every challenge despite the anchor of pain that might keep you from immediately realizing it. The gifts are always worth the trials that you sometimes have to endure.

Wishing you love & light in 2015,

t.

ThanksLiving.

As you know, I love autumn. I love everything about it. I especially love Thanksgiving. It seems to me that we all slow down and take a sort of personal inventory of the blessings in our lives. We stop to be grateful for so much of what we often take for granted.

Life is so precious and fragile. Everyday we hear stories on the news that should remind us how blessed we are, but somehow the insulation of the bubble that many of us live in, protects us from realizing how close to home these heart wrenching stories, actually are.

This Thanksgiving, one of my children was seriously ill. It took away my ability to be grateful for my family's health. It made me stop and look around and to really notice that other than my family and friends and the beautiful life my husband and I have manifested, nothing else matters when you have an ill loved one.

Today marks the 8 year anniversary of my husband's best friend's passing. Not a day goes by that we do not think of him, talk about him, or benefit from having him in our lives. Having had a such an amazing person in our lives was such a gift. He taught us, and everyone around him how to live in the present moment. He taught us how to live life to the fullest and to not make apologies for being true to ourselves. Randy was the epitome of an adventurer. He was such a good person and he had such a love for life. It breaks my heart to this day that cancer took him away at such a young age.

Although saying good bye to loved ones, and I have said good bye to a few very dear loved ones in the  past decade... I must say, I am so grateful for having known them and for having them in my life for the short time that we shared together. At this time of year, I am always brought back to the questions - Am I thankful enough? Am I grateful enough? Am I using my life to the fullest? Am I wasting any time, talent or opportunities? I ask myself these questions at this time of year because I am faced with the fact that in order to be truly grateful, I must use the gifts and blessings in my life to their fullest, in order to be as grateful as possible.

I recently saw something that read: "Thanksgiving is a holiday, ThanksLiving is a way of life." I must say that this quote has really resonated with me. It is a beautiful reminder that living in gratitude is the easiest way to live life without taking the little things for granted. I do try to live mindfully; however, being human allows me to get caught up in the mundane and I sometimes lose sight that without gratitude, no other blessings will find me. It is just a belief that I carry.

ThanksLiving, gives us the gift of the feeling we experience around Thanksgiving, all year long. I do not think that we can ever be too grateful or too appreciative of the many, many blessings that surround us. Most of the people I know, need for not. They love, and they are loved. After health and home, there really isn't much else to be grateful for, nothing else really matters.

Wishing you all the blessings that come with a ThanksLiving attitude.

love & light,
t.

Until We Meet Again

This week my family experienced another great lesson in saying good-bye.
After nearly sixteen years together we had to bid farewell to our 'first child' our Siberian Husky. Indulge me as I write with a heavy heart today...

For several years we had been watching our beautiful Nakina gradually slow down and in the past year, watching each day age her by a month. It has recently been a rapid decline and we were faced with the question whether we were keeping her around for ourselves or was she actually still enjoying life. Clearly this past week it was obvious that the her fun in life was no longer.

All sadness and tears aside, looking back I have to say that this dog who was much more like a cat in her aloof and feline ways, and she was in fact a great teacher to me believe it or not.

When we first got her she was this little ball of fur that was cheeky, she made sport of biting me and she would not let us ever, ever cuddle her unless she was in the mood that was a rare occasion. Her name was Nakina. She was beyond beautiful and she was quite a bitch when she felt like it. :) She pranced around like she owned the place and she was agility rivalled that of those in the Circ. She could and would run like the wind and do back flips off the backs of other dogs. She truly was a gymnist. She also knew she was beautiful and she knew how to play the boys... especially one boy... my husband.

I often referred to 'Kina as 'The Other Woman'. She had my husband wrapped around her finger. In his eyes, from the day we got her, she could do no wrong. She knew it too. She would flaunt her power over him in front of me every chance she got. She had swagger, serious swagger.

The lessons she brought were simple. She never settled for less than what she was after. Whether it was walk, a scratch or a face full of love... she got it, in her time, on time and for a perfect amount of time.

Nakina was protective of her space. She made time for herself, she had her space and she protected it. She would not compromise what she felt was right for her in any given moment and would defend her choices and was vocal about it. She would literally stamp her feet and talk to you while doing it. She would tell you right off if you didn't listen to her.

'Kina taught me how to be selfless. I cannot tell you how many trips to the island I have missed and missed seeing my girls over there because I had this dog to care for. I have had this dog since I was 23 years old. That may sound irrelevant but those are prime years of bonding for a woman. I literally used to have to miss girls trips... ask my best friends... they'll back me on this... that feline of a dog taught me to get over myself and my own needs in a hurry.

Honestly, she taught me how to love on a level a didn't know I had in me at that young age. She showed me that there was more to life than just me... in the same way my children did but on a different scale.  She prepared me for motherhood. Sounds funny but she truly did. I cannot tell you what it was like to have my first child and bring her home to meet Kina. From the first moment they met, Nakina would stand between anyone and my daughter when they came to meet her. She acted like another mother for my daughter the way she protected her. I never worried as some people do when they bring babies home to meet their animals. You see, Kina was never an animal to us. She was a teacher, a protector and a privilege to have as a part of our family. She was a privilege.

Finally, she has taught my children how to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is never easy, especially when you are trying to teach young children about death. But when you have 16 years with someone, and they have taught you as much as Nakina has taught and given to us, it is easy to step aside and appreciate all that we shared and to be able to give her the gift of peace. Pain free, challenge free, peace. She deserves to not have to suffer. She deserved a loving and peaceful passing, and after giving all of us so much love and many life lessons, it was our turn to bless her with love and light as she transitioned.

Always loved, never forgotten. Rest in Peace our sweet Princess Kina.

Love & Light,

t.

Thank You 2012

Being up the Sunshine Coast here, resting in our family’s cabin, it is easy to forget the hectic schedule that December delivers. Here, from a cozy chair I can gaze out the window and watch boats sail by, eagles soar and I am easily enveloped by the tranquility that this sacred place offers .

Sharing this peaceful time with my family,  including my husband’s parents has been a beautiful reprieve. It is lovely to hunker down and just be. The children are in their element. There is no place that they love more, or people that they adore more, so being up here has been the perfect medicine for all of us.

My in-laws left today and were only here for a quick overnighter. So it returns as it is each year at this time, there are just the four of us and our dogs up here to say good bye to the year and to welcome in the new one. It gives me great joy to spend this quiet time reflecting on the year and revisiting the lessons and blessings while sending out thoughtful intentions out for the new year.

I usually write out some goals and revisit past ones and do an inventory of the successes and do some reconsidering of the ones that did not come to fruition and then giving a good hard look at why that might be and what lessons came from it. Half the time the lessons of the failures were the whole point rather than the completion of the goal. Besides, you can always have a retry at the goals that were unfulfilled, at least I believe so.

2012 was quite the year. I think that if you read my blog, you know of my blessings and lessons so I need not go into detail here. It’s safe to say that it was a big year of

great things, and of great extremes.  Our family saw great adventure and greater adversity in the way of ailing health and wellness. Please keep my family in your prayers as we head into 2013.

If I were to sum up 2012 I would have to focus on Faith. This year I found that I turned to faith in a bigger way than I ever have before. That will happen to you when someone you love’s health is in jeopardy. You will turn to faith to keep you in the light when the shadows come calling.

I have always enjoyed having that solid belief system in something bigger than me. After several years of losing people that I loved very much, I turned from my faith and began to question all things related. I have always been a spiritual person. But in the face of great loss, and great questions surrounding the why that comes along with it, I have paid little attention to the God in things. I have focused on the light and love more and ignored the source you could say. Losing so many important people in such a small period of time was just too much pain, and I had a hard time believing that there was a God that would orchestrate such darkness. And then with the arrival of my nephew’s illness, I had no where else to turn but to God. The doctors do not have all of the answers and the ones that they do have are not serving my nephew’s health in the way that we need right now.

People always balk at the word God. I am not talking about Jesus or the other prophets that make many people cringe, I am talking about the life source in the world. There are so many questions I have regarding God, but what I do know, is that I have spent dozens of hours praying for my young nephew this year and each time I have finished, I have honestly felt better. There is something to be said for that.

I have high hopes for 2013. I have a long list of hopes and dreams that I plan on meeting along the road to fruition. First and foremost, a cure for my precious nephew and for all those out there fighting for their lives. I have a wish to see my beautiful children grow strong and healthy and to prosper in all they do. I hope that my husband continues to feel loved and to find solace in his work and play. I want my friends and family to love and be loved, to find fortune of heart and spirit where ever they go and to find the peace in spirit as I have this year.

I want to continue to live a generous life where I put others before myself and I want to be a role model to my children that no matter what happens to you in any given day, your happiness is directly linked to your attitude. With a positive attitude and a healthy outlook, anything is possible and nothing is quite that bad.

In 2013 I want to continue 2012’s theme of simplifying. I want to simplify on a grand scale of small things. Everything from the linen closet to the circle of people I share my life with. I want to just bring everything to a cleaner more user friendly state of being that supports a healthy and happy existence for my immediate family and myself and that will further solidify the amazing foundation I have built with my nearest and dearest, including those whom I wish to build one with.

2013 promises to bring many blessings, but this year I don’t have a long wish list of gifts I want to ask of her, I just want more of the same and I want to need less of it.

I feel that I have been so blessed, that I just want to have a quiet, low maintenance year where I find all of my gifts are in the giving. A place and a way of life I have come to have deep appreciation for.

Being up here at the cabin and away from our daily routine, I am offered a clarity that I would not otherwise have. At home there is always a chore list, jewelry to make, friends to call back, where up here, the world stops and the quiet moves in.

There is a stillness here that allows you to catch up with your inner voice and to really stop and listen to what the universe has put in front of you.

Since I have been up here, the word that keeps coming to mind in my head is gratitude. I am just so grateful for a blessed year of life long memories and lessons that will re-gift them selves to me for as long as I live. I have beloved friends and family that make me feel loved and appreciated and I have you, a crew of people that somehow find some value in hearing about my journey through this crazy life.

Thank you for continuing to read my blog, and I continue to hope that you find a small piece that speaks to your heart and that somehow inspires you. I hope that there is a little piece of me that resonates with you and that makes you feel heard, understood or at the very least that there is a kindred spirit out there that is learning some of the same lessons as you.

From my heart to yours,

Happy New Year.

love & light,

t.

'Tis The Season...

As I sit here and type this by the warmth of the fire and with Christmas lights shining on, there is no doubt that I am blessed. I try to live a life of gratitude everyday, but this time of year offers many shocking reminders of just how blessed you and I are.

With the ostentatious nature of the consumerism that so many of us fall into at this time of year, I find it more important than ever to remember those who are less fortunate and unable to partake in the kind of holiday season that they would like to. I am guilty as charged. I am a consumer at this time of year. I cannot imagine not being in a position to give my children the kind of Christmas that all children deserve. Perhaps this is why I fall victim to the consumerism this time of year. I do try to balance the gifts we give our kids equally with merry experiences also, it can be challenging not to over do the presents and beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree.

This year along with several friends and different families, we are sponsoring a few local families that are on hard times. It brings home that sense of community and brings to life the true meaning of Christmas. It is hard to think of our own neighbours in need, but the reality is that it is a neighbour in need and it could just as easily be ourselves one day. There are great teachable moments in lending an anonymous hand to those who need it. Our children are listening and watching, learning that this is how a healthy community functions, and that you give what you can, when you need to.

Today we took our children on the Bright Lights Christmas Train at Stanley Park. The Silver Fox and I surprised the kids and they were delighted by the gorgeous displays of lights and holiday cheer. They were innocently unaware of the huge expense that came along with that experience, but we work hard to afford such luxuries for our family. The heart wrenching part comes when you realize what we spent on that experience could have fed a family at Christmas. This is where the fine balance enters the picture. Where you realize that you do what you can for others with what you have and sacrifice where you need to and still be able to afford such sacred experiences with your own family.

So we took the kids to the train and we skipped the sushi dinner out afterwards. It was our compromise. The money we would have spent on the Sushi dinner for four, we instead have set aside to donate to the North Shore Family Services. It was another great lesson for our kids, and a way to teach them how you can be a good neighbour and live your life in a brilliant way.

We are fortunate in that between the Silver Fox and I  we both know how it feels to have enough and to need. It makes giving that much easier, especially at this time of year. For myself, growing up with a feeling of need sometimes, it has helped me to realize one of the greatest lessons of my life, which is that the gift is always in the giving. My favorite part of Christmas is giving. I love knowing and feeling the joy that someone else is experiencing. I love that.

Recently, a group of people, some I know and some I do not, have come together for 31 days of random acts of kindness. As I have said, I try to live a life of gratitude daily and random acts of kindness plays a big part in that, but to come together with others to spread joy and love like this with the intention of sharing them and inspiring one another, it takes it to another level where the acts become more sought after and deliberate.

I won't go into the acts of random kindness that we have done, given and achieved, that is not as important as the invitation for you to join us. Start tomorrow. It is as easy as giving someone the parking spot you are both after, or letting that elderly person behind you in line, go first. It can also be as grand as giving to the food bank or buying a meal for a person who appears to be in need. You can decide, but I encourage you to join us and for no other reason than it feels good and because you can.

They always say Tis the season... to be jolly? I think not. I think it Tis the season to reach out and give someone the gift of your cheer and generosity at what can be a challenging time of year for so many of us. I know many of us are generous all year long. We give to charities, we ride for cancer, we put ourselves in harms way for the greater good of another... again, all things we do for the greater good, but this Christmas, lets go that extra mile in honour of humanity and the beauty that lies in the loving of another.

Love & Light and a very Merry Christmas. As this is Hanukkah's first night, Happy Hanukkah!

xo t.

Warmest Winter Wishes

This time of year, while being mighty cold and darker than what I prefer, also brings one of my favorite times of year. Christmas. That's right, I said it! I said it!
C h R i S t M a S...

Let me be clear... Christmas to me is about Santa and Snowflakes and less about religion and consumerism. I love decorating my home ( which I do on November 12th fyi- I pay my respects on November 11th first), I host ornament exchanges, winter teas, xmas parties... I even bake. I love opening my home in all of it's holiday beauty and sharing the bounty of love and light that has been entrusted to me through out the year.

The spirit of the season really is not lost on me. I wait all year to celebrate the magic of believing. Believing in Santa, believing in the spirit that takes over those in a position to reach out and help those in need, believing in the promise that January is yet another fresh start and a chance to get 'it' right one more time. I believe that there is more gratitude at this time of year than at any other. On the heels of Thanksgiving which is also a favorite holiday of mine, which rolls into Remembrance Day and then extends a welcome to winter, all of these events create a warm light of gratitude that just continues to grow and give life to the spirit which to me is the peace that is created by and is Christmas.

I regularly extend light and love in my greetings to people. Some people get it, most don't. Most think of it as an airy fairy token of my spiritual side, but what it actually is, is an extension of my wish of love and peace. We all have spiritual beliefs of some sort, and for some that means no belief at all. We all have a way of thinking of the universe and of where we fit into it. I believe that white light is the greatest gift of healing energy. That is why I send it to people whenever possible. Whatever you need healed in your life, body, spirit, relationships, whatever, I hope that people receive the light and allow the healing to envelope them. I extend my sincere love to people because first and foremost I am a lover and not a fighter and I believe that love is where we all begin and end. I want everyone who crosses my path and I do mean everyone,d to feel love every single day. I am sadly aware that many people go without love on a daily basis and I try to extend what I can.

The spirit of Christmas is in the love and light that I extend, and what I find the most beautiful is that I know that I am not alone. If you are reading this, then I believe that you also share your own light and love in the way that you know how. We all come to this earth with different gifts and generosities. I suppose what I am trying to get at is that it is this time of year that many of us really are able to share this love and light and have it received more easily.

I am well aware that the holidays are very difficult for many, many people. Emotions run high and can present very raw. The holidays for many bring up difficult memories and emotion that are only compounded by this time of year. To those people I find a great deal of compassion for and I try especially hard to share in the goodness of the season. It is not always well received so I try to respectfully allow them to stay where they are at, but I continue to celebrate in a way that is not as outwardly obvious when I am around them. The last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt someone further with my joy.

As we head into the last stretch before Christmas, I am eager with the full on excitement of a 5 & 8 yr old. I can't wait to have my house full of people that I love and want to know better. I can't wait to hang my stockings on the chimney. I can't wait to share what I have with those around me.

I always find the gift is in the giving, and I always find that more people give at this time of year, when others really need it the most. I find that the love and light that I love so much is gifted and received by those who normally reserve these gifts for their chosen few.

My wish for you, is that while the season gains on us, and the world begins to spin faster and our time is feeling lessened, and our chores seem to multiply, that you remember to slow down and feel the joy in the air. I hope that if you experience any sadness at this time of year, that you become open to allowing more joy to take over those spots of sadness and that you allow yourself to welcome the joy that is in the air to take over your spirit and offer you the levity that is light and love to encompass you.

Warmest Winter Wishes,

love & light,

t.

The Creativity Is Flowing...

It has been several months since I had been working on my jewelry. I had turned my focus on my family and our few months abroad. I had missed my work but I did not know how much until I prepared my Fall 2012 line. I have had so much fun getting the line together and the creative rush that has come with it.

Being a creative person,  I am always, easily inspired by my surroundings. Living on the West Coast and in the rain forest that is Beautiful British Columbia, I am inspired on a daily basis. The colours, the textures and the essence that is the West Coast can be found in my latest work.

The past few weeks have been so much fun as I have unveiled my line slowly over social media. The response has been overwhelming and it has been so much fun getting to share in the excitement that jewelry often evokes in people. Male or female, jewelry often gets a response from people whether it is emotional or physical. I know when I look at jewelry, my blood pressure rises and I get excited. I feel the same way when I look at other forms of art, also.

I get excited seeing the people around me being bejewelled in my wares, and it creates a platform for people to share in the creative energy that surrounds my work. Other people start acknowledging their own creative ideas and talents and it is just a beautiful thing.

One of my favourite things about being an artist, is being surrounded by other creative spirits. We all have some sort of creativity within us, even if you think you don't, there is a vein of artistry in you, believe me. We all have something we are good at and it may not be a form of art that we see in the mainstream, but trust me, we all own something unique and creative.

Now that my fall line has been launched, I am now focussing on my gift card line which will be on shelves at Thomas Haas Patisseries as of November 15th. I create a custom line of Holiday Cards for Thomas and his wife Lisa to sell. I will also be selling cards off of my website and at my Trunk Shows in the next two months. I love working with paper and my cards are the greatest expression of that.

To see my latest work, please visit my website: www.buddhaandtheraven.com

With all of this excitement going on, please remember to keep my sweet nephew Sean in your prayers. His personal battle with cancer has been nothing less than challenging. Unfortunately, there have been complications and set backs along his way which has kept him from feeling any relief in this journey. We have come along way but we have a long way to go and we cannot make the trip without the love and prayers from family, friends and strangers alike. We need copious amounts of white light to envelope this young spirit and lift him up while he is too weak to lift himself. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Please keep them coming.

I know that there is never a good time to bring up awkward topics, but I would not be speaking my truth if I did not bring up Amanda Todd. Her story has resonated deeply with me and I think that her loss of life has created a platform in which we can use to have those uncomfortable conversations that surround bullying. I know that our schools are discussing bullying as a result of Amanda, but she also needs to be a reminder that we need to be discussing bullying with our young kids.

There is a way to have the conversation while protecting the innocence of childhood ideologies. Even as adults we forget that gossiping is a form of bullying. It is a daily occurrence that perpetuates a negative energy that eventually costs someone their right to privacy and or peace. If we are not speaking from that authentic place of love and good will, then maybe we should not be speaking in that moment. Amanda's loss has made me recheck myself and where I can be a kinder individual. As some one who has experienced bullying both in my childhood and as an adult, I know that the power of intention when speaking is powerful and needs to be thought of when speaking.

I will leave you with love and light and with the prayer for you that everyone that crosses your path, treats you with more kindness than you expect.

xo t.

A Ray of Sunshine on a Gloomy Day

As I eluded to in my previous blog post, our family has recently been dealt a low blow. One of our youngest members has been diagnosed with cancer. I explain to everyone as it being the same cancer that Terry Fox had.You would naturally go to that place of deep regret and despair, and where we have all experienced those very feelings and reactions, I have to convey too,  the deep beauty that has also found us.

To begin, I should mention that I have shaved my head as a sign of solidarity in this fight against cancer. I actually did it simply to make my nephew smile, and that it did. The other thing that has come as a result of my hairless head is the fact that it has raised awareness of my family's situation, in my own community. I have had people that I barely know approach me, inquiring whether or not I have cancer. When they learn that it is a young boy, they are eager to hear details and developments regarding his treatment. All of which I am grateful for. As far as I am concerned the more people I can have sending my nephew positive thoughts and white light, the better for all of us.

What I did not count on however is what happened last Wednesday. I was standing outside my daughters school waiting for her to be dismissed on what was the last day of the school year. This woman I have seen before and briefly said hello to once or twice, approached me. She had heard about my family's struggle and was inquiring about what kind of cancer my nephew had. When I told her it was a sarcoma, she tilted her head and smiled. What came next took me down at my knees and once again made me believe in guardian angels. She said to me in the most beautiful and gentle voice, " My husband, Torsten Neilsen, is one of the world's leading specialists in Sarcomas and works here in Vancouver. If he can be of any assistance to your family byway of advice or second opinions, please call on him. I know he would be happy to help you."

As I write this, it brings tears to my eyes. Could you imagine if I had not shaved my head and not inspired this woman to approach me, what kind of loss that would be. It makes it all the sweeter. We would not have the guidance of this world renowned specialist in our  back pocket. I am just so grateful and in awe of she and her family's sweet offer. I have already put her in touch with my brother and they have embarked on what will prove to be a very unique relationship.

The second scene of beauty that happened yesterday happened solely over email but was years in the making. This is really my brother's story to tell but he is always willing to share his life when it is as serendipitous as this. So, about 5 years ago my brother was doing some life coaching. After serving 25 years on the police force and finishing his career in the Tactical Unit, he was preparing for his retirement by going back to Royal Roads University and studying to become a teacher. Life coaching found him and he in turn found himself coaching a wide range of individuals on wide spectrum of subjects.

Fast forward to yesterday: my brother was at his computer when a message showed up in his inbox. The email was from a former client that he had coached. Her name is Judith and she had heard that my brothers son is ill with osteosarcoma. She wanted to extend her thoughts and prayers and to share with my brother how deeply she understood what he was going through and that he could count on her to 'coach' him through this coming months of unknowns and trials. This amazingly lovely woman was reaching out to him to dismiss whatever stress and heaviness she could in the way that she knew she could. It is a testament to the natural ebb and flow of life. When we give with love and care, we can count on receiving love and care. We do not always know in what form or which direction it will arrive from, but what goes around comes around and this lovely lady was giving back in the way that she could.

It is the next part of the email that rocked me to my core. Judith went on to explain how she knew so much about osteosarcoma. She signed off with a beautiful comment about her late brother who bravely fought the disease. (get ready for it)  ... her brother Terry, Terry Fox. In our family Terry Fox has always been all of our hero, so to have one of his immediate family members come to us with love and support has meant the world to us. More than anyone could ever know.

Again, it just goes to show you, that you never know who or when you will touch someone's life and when or if they will have the chance to repay your love and thoughtfulness. It makes me feel like I want to go into the world with softer words and kinder thoughts at all costs... you just never know what someone is going through. What they have lost, loved or fought. We all have a story and many times the scars to prove it. What I want to emphasize most though, is that we also all have beauty in our lives, even in these times when shadows are also at play. Beauty is where you find it and many times it is found in the space where you least expect it. God Bless Judith and her family and Torsten and his.

Wishing you a beautiful day.

xo t.

Perception Meets Reality

It seems that it was just yesterday that I sat down to welcome 2012, and now
I find myself preparing for February. I am amazed at just how fast time flies.

This year has already provided a valuable lesson. Have you ever had a trip
planned and been so excited about it that you imagined just how awesome it
was going to be? Such is the case with me. I had, had a trip planned for
nearly a year. It was for my sweet, young cousin's destination wedding.

I was going to travel solo and the thought it was a brilliant idea. No kids
to watch after, a loving husband staying home to love them up. What
could be more perfect? Well, if you are anything like me, you are
likely capable of romancing an idea to the max. I had built this
trip up to be epic and it really was in every way until day 6, that is.

Day 6 came with a big dose of reality. I missed my family terribly. The
original idea of traveling without them was more than fine, but the reality
made it less than fine. I had not anticipated getting nearly as home sick
as I became. It may have had something to do with all of the great people
I met and wanting to share them with my best friend and partner in life...
or it may have had to do that all of those great people were also there
with their better halves.

So, the lesson for me was to be careful how perception does not always
meet reality. Again, the trip was epic, the wedding was epic and I could
not have been happier that my sweet cousin Megan had the wedding of her dreams
and I was so honoured to be apart of her dream day.

There were so many amazing people I met, Poc, Kourtnee, Kristin, Ashley, etc...
these are now friends that I would not have otherwise met that eased the pain
of missing my family. These amazing women were the gift my cousin gave to
me- by simply inviting me with her to the Mayan Riviera. I love it
when my sisterhood grows with strong, fierce and lovely women.

I was able to gift some of my jewelry while away. It inspires me
to create new work. Even though I am on a hiatus from Buddha & The Raven,
I am still allowing myself to be inspired and to create personal pieces
for personal friends. One charity I am honoured to be donating to is for the iconquer
team which is apart for the Ride to End Cancer Foundation. I love the
opportunity to chip in and support my friends and pay homage to those
I have loved that are fighting cancer and for those who didn't win
the battle.

If you ever have a cause that needs a charitable donation, don't
ever pause to contact me. You can count on me to donate in some
capacity.

My personal charity of choice is in memory of our beautiful Kerry Kirstiuk.

www.campkerry.com


Sending you all love & light,

t.

Welcome 2012

So, here we are. In a blink of the eye 2011 was here and gone, and we find ourselves a little wiser and a little worn but we survived with successes just in time to greet a new year. It is amazing how incredibly full this past year was. So many blessings and so many heartfelt lessons. I wish I could say that they were all enjoyable, but I can say they all left me for the better. I love a new year. I love the fresh slate and the gift of a second chance to get 'it' right. The new year is the promise of a new day. I have such a good feeling about this coming twelve months and the adventure and love that it has in store for all of us. Embarking on uncharted territory can make us cautious and reserved; however, if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that jumping in with both feet makes for a less shocking entry. The more timid we are, the less invested we become. It is my hope that I and everyone that is reading this finds it within them to dive in to whatever and wherever their hearts lead them. (while being responsible and considerate) This year my sole purpose is to focus on my family. I have made the thoughtful decision to step away from my business and to direct that energy on the three people who mean the most to me. On the heels of a year where jewelry took up my every spare moment, whether it be in creating, sourcing, or designing... this year I am taking my life back and giving thanks to the amazing opportunities that Buddha & The Raven allowed me. I am not shutting down the business, I am simply taking a year hiatus. If last year taught me one thing, it is that it is impossible for me personally to do 7 things really well. It is not a lack of effort, it is a lack of ability. I am capable of kicking ass if I limit my plate to a couple of things. Funny how it took me 30 something years to figure that one out. So, as I head out in to this amazing year I give thanks to my friends and family for the love and support that I know I will have with me. I only hope they know that I am right behind them all the way. Wishing you all your highest and the greatest good for your own wishes for 2012. You deserve every joy your heart desires. Go get it! Love & Light, t.

Winter Solstice

Soon the Winter Solstice will arrive and with it the return of brighter, longer days in time for the end 2011. I wish there were words to convey all that learned in this year. Very possibly the most heartbreaking and breathtaking year of my life. So many highs, so many lows and everything in between. Meeting new friends and loving old friends, and then having to let go of both of them... oh, the lessons. Life lessons come in all shapes and sizes and within their own time lines. I wish I could reach out and change part of the landscape of this year, while in the same breath I fully understand that we should also be grateful for unanswered prayers. If I had sum up what this year has meant to me, it would be that a massive chapter in my life has come to an end while a new one has been revealed. We all have the peaks and valleys that create our life's story and it fascinates me to no end to be present and in the moment while it all unfolds. There have been so many amazing people that have taught me so much this year. Watching loved ones achieve their dreams. Whether it has been having children, landing their dream job or simply finding it within themselves to live, take and own their lives and to allow themselves to grow into their 'best selves'. I have a lot to learn from them and I honour those friends for being so courageous. This year I have faced some truths about myself and I am proud to stand up, stand tall and to admit to myself my flaws. It must have something to do with growing up and realizing all of the ways I am still evolving. I can also own that I have done some amazing things too. Firstly and foremost, I have surrounded myself with amazing people. I am proud of my circle of loved ones and what they have taught me, how they have supported me and loved me every step of the way this year. I owe a deeply humble debt of gratitude to all of them. I realize that this is a far more personal blog entry than I usually post. I normally write about the jewelry business at some point, but today I wanted to acknowledge my friends. From Halifax to Vancouver Island and right here in my own home. I want to say thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for sharing your love and compassion and I hope you have been able to find some nurturing in our friendship also. Life has become more than ever about the dance of intimacy in my friendships. The trust, the lessons, the vulnerability that comes with being open and honest. Whether it be in our moments of triumph or in those moments where our ugly bits surface. It is all about the fancy foot work that creates a forgiving flow in our closest relationships. Thank you for loving me through all of the above. With 2012 fast approaching, I want to extend a warm winter wish to each of you reading this. My wish for your new year is that you allow yourself to be cared for. So often we are the caregivers. I hope that you find it in yourself to be cared for. Whether it is a friend who offers you a heartfelt compliment or a stranger that offers to buy you a coffee... accept it. What goes around comes around and you have love and light coming your way. Allow yourself to give the gift of giving to someone else. This has been my greatest lesson this year and it has taught me more about myself than anything else in my lifetime. It has been an amazing journey this year. Thank you for being apart of it. Thank you for being your beautiful self. Gratitude. It is where I will be in 2012. Love, Tiffany

" When Someone Shows You Who They Really Are, Believe Them." - Maya Angelou

I use this quote often. I have a few people have asked me what it means.

Well, when I went to see Dr. Angelou speak, she explained the quote as meaning

that when you have known someone for years and years, decades or just days, regardless, when the shiny situations fade and the rust begins to show and someone has the chance to react to something gracefully or react with jealousy or ill intention, believe that is who they are. People are only good as the worst that they treat you personally.

She also goes on to say that when you have rough patch in your life which we all go through or you face a crisis, you are meant to notice who shows up and who doesn't.

Life is full of opportunities to show people who you really are. We are all human, we all make mistakes and miss opportunities, but who is routinely, constantly missing the boat. Are you always missing the boat for certain people, then this means that you are not truly keeping their best interests in your heart.

Maya Angelou is such an eloquent speaker. Her words are gospel to me and her delivery is like poetry in motion. My favorite work of hers is "Phenomenal Woman." I encourage you all to google that!

Love & Light,

t.

Balance...

To know me is to know that I live a life surrounded by love, while loving the things that surround me. Life is so interesting in so many ways. With so much love there had to be Balance along the way.My life is full of gifts and blessings are boundless and of course with them come the lessons that make us grow. I wish I could say that they were painless but today I can tell you that they are not always. It is so hard to find something, an outlet whether it be creative or otherwise that inspires you, drives you or reminds you of who you are or who you are capable of being. It is more difficult when you have to let it go. Whether it be a drumming circle you love to be apart of, yet your back cannot handle the weight of the drum, whether it be a friend that invokes a part of your spirit that is unavailable, or whether it be an experience which you cannot afford or whether it is knowing that someone you love is ill and the remedy seems unattainable. It doesn't matter the circumstance, rather, it is the feeling of letting go something that had once made you dream. On this dreary Vancouver day, the exact kind of day that usually inspires me to dance naked in the rain, I am in a place of contemplation. Giving thanks for all, grieving the things that weren't meant to be, and wrestling with the things that I wish I could control. After spending yesterday on such a high, surrounded by people who are battling cancer and those who have survived, I spend today humbled by their spirit and courage, and feel shameful for feeling anything but gratitude for the blessings in my life. Tears have been my constant companion today- this year has brought me so much beauty and I am overwhelmed in away that finds my cheeks soaked as I type. With everything there is Balance, and today is the day where the shadows have creeped in and I only have energy to welcome them. Balance. The shadows arrive so that we may remember how glorious the light feels when it finds us. Today is a day of reckoning. A day of remembering who we are, who we want to be, and what we are modeling for our children. It can be so difficult to remember that when we choose these roles as friends, mothers, wives, daughters and mavericks. When we sign on to take these roles we are committing to sacrifice what is necessary for the greater good of those roles in our life. It is one of those small details that can smack you in the face when you find yourself on a path that you have arrived upon too soon in your journey or on a path that was never meant for you. Having to turn around and navigate back to your authentic self's path can be staggering, confusing and a real exercise in blind faith in our karmic belief of our destiny. This journey we so often talk about is the grandest display of Balance that we could possibly ask for. So many of my beloveds are facing real life issues right now, everything from cancer, divorce, unemployment, deaths, breakdowns and more. On the flip side, I have beloveds expecting babies, getting promotions, building new houses, planning weddings and having life changing breakthroughs. There is that word again, Balance. Our journeys may seem so different yet there really aren't. We just take turns exploring the peaks and valleys of this life. I have said that we come into this world alone, and we leave the same way. I take it back. I have seen and felt things in people that I cannot explain yet they have made me believe that we are never alone. Some kindred spirits find us again- remind us that they are here in our hearts and before we know it they are gone again- though their presence may be brief it is there long enough to remind us in this lifetime that we are not without them and vise versa. Letting go would be intolerable without this gift of remembering. On days where the tears just won't dry, at some point you just have to welcome them and let them cleanse your spirit. Let them wash away any misguided regret and allow these moments to be the ones where you reground yourself and rest so that you may wake up tomorrow able to brush yourself off and start fresh with the promise that each new day offers. Today is one of those days I find comfort in tragic beauty. The video I have attached is one of those tragically beautiful songs, where most of the words speak to my spirit and speak of good byes my spirit cannot say. Never say good bye, just say until we meet again. xo t.

Nothing Stays The Same

Before I even launch into writing what I really want to say, I need to acknowledge that this darn blogger site has somehow changed a setting that allows breaks between my paragraphs. When I am composing my post I use paragraphs and they do appear on my draft but once I publish they disappear. Forgive me- I am still trying to resolve it. I am constantly trying to create balance in my day to day life. Aren't we all? There are times when the challenge is greater than my ability to manifest it. These are the moments when I usually allow for myself to engage a little bit of auto pilot. What I mean by that is that I have come to expect certain people in my life to participate and behave a certain way. I know ideally we should expect nothing from anyone ever in life; however, when someone has been in your life for several years or decades even, you innately choreograph a certain dance that you engage in. We all represent a certain 'role' in one another's lives. The complication in this scenario is when we do not allow for the acknowledgment that we are constantly evolving and morphing into who we are meant to be. It is difficult to look at someone one you have known for your entire adult life and to see them with fresh eyes, especially when who you see is not who you remember them to be. There are always allowances we give to our nearest and dearest friends. When friend 'X' is always late, you think to yourself 'Ah, well she has been late for all of our lunch dates since we were 21, that's just her.' Well, my recent revelation is that I am no longer okay with these 'allowances'. My attitude now is that we are nearly 40 now, get a watch. It's one thing to be chronically late and it's another to disrespect someone else's time. Let me say, I do not have an issue with any of my friends being chronically late, it is just a great example. Recently, 'Princess' was in the heart of the Christchurch earthquake. If you have followed my blog you know that she is more like a sister to me than anything else. Needless to say, having her there was heart wrenching for all of us who love her. Luckily, by the time I knew of the situation there had already been word that she and 'The Aunty' were fine. Traumatized, but physically unharmed. My heart continues to go out to those who live in and have lost in New Zealand and to all of those who love them. I feel selfish to even say it considering I was not involved in the quake, but it was life changing to be here and helpless while 'Princess' was there. When you face the thought of losing someone so close to you, you naturally reevaluate your life's meaning and those within it. Hence the fact that I am now looking at all of my relationships and viewing them with fresh eyes. Life and time is so precious and so fleeting. What behaviors are no longer feeding my spirit? Which ones are draining my limited supply of energy and time? It can be difficult to face the reality of who your beloveds are vs. who you thought they still were. That said, check yourself while you are at it. I experienced a huge revelation in this regard a few years ago. There was one girl who had been in the peripheral of my social circle. We used to have this repetitive courtship where we would try to engage in a friendly way but it always ended in drama. She blames me, I held her accountable and it just was not becoming for either of us. It was after I read 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle that I realized that we were both feeding off the drama of it all. We both subconsciously knew that the other would engage in the drama and we learned to expect it from one another. It was a humbling experience to realize that I was equally responsible for this childish, exhausting behaviour that I had always given her credit for. It was amazing to realize that we were playing roles. We had created this dance of drama that we learned to count on the other one to engage with us in. Since then I have freed her and myself from any contact. It's just better that way. We really don't have to be friends with everybody. We really only need to be polite and gracious. Amen! It is okay even to not like someone, that's right! I said it! I said it! Wish them well and see yah! A friend sent me the link I have attached to this blog post. It speaks to this very subject and I love the way it is written. I encourage you to take a look at it. It really makes you think. Life is short. Make sure the people who you are giving your love to are mirroring it back to you. We are all busy, we all have lives and responsibilities there is never an excuse to take friendships for granted, nor should we. We risk the chance of being 'reevaluated'. On that note, go call your 'nears and dears' and tell them how much you love them! Love & Light, t.

A Lotus Grows In The Mud...

What a week it has been. I have had the pleasure of meeting with many reporters, signing off on images, being contacted by future clients, old friends and all the while, creating jewelry steeped in heart warming intention. I know many of you saw the cover of the Vancouver Sun. I am still in awe of the honour and deeply touched by the out pouring of love and well wishes by so many. I cannot articulate how much I appreciate the warm sentiments from loved ones and strangers alike. Thank you seems less than the gratitude I hope to convey. Yesterday morning I was invited to share a seat on the couch at Global T.V. with News Anchor Steve Darling. Where I had been warned that many anchors are dismissive and will not engage you unless the cameras are hot, Steve lived up to his name. He was so warm and welcoming. He was authentic and made me feel very comfortable. Mark Madryga was very animated also. On a side note, the week after I was married to 'The Silver Fox', I was walking around in Kits with my sweet friend 'Al' and she and I were walking up to Mark who was about to do a segment on the weather. Long and short of it, I walked up to him and told him that I am a newlywed and I wanted to show my new bling of a wedding ring to the world. He fit me into his segment and alas, I come the the long winded review of how I first encountered Mark M. Anyway, as I was saying, Mark was also engaging and Arran Henn the lovely traffic reporter was equally warm and hospitable. I dare to say that Global T.V has the most charming reporters I have dealt with so far. Knowing that I would be doing interviews, a few weeks ago I made my way to the Vancouver Island to do a little shopping at my number one, absolutely, hands down favorite clothing store. If you have not been there, you must go. If you live on the island, you already know what a haven it is, and for those of you who go into Nanaimo or need a one stop fashion go-to this is it! SARTORIAL- 295 Wallace Street. No, I am not getting kick backs. No, I am not related to the owner. No, I don't get discounts for referring people to her. What I do get, is the thrill to know that all of my beloveds are getting the same kick ass service I do when I go there. Here is what I do know about Sartorial. If I owned a shop, it would be this shop. It is the size of the amazing walk-in closet that Carrie Bradshaw has in her and 'Big's' new Upper Eastside apartment in the first SATC movie. It is large enough to host a party with you and your bff's but quaint enough that it feels exclusive and elegant. The wallpaper, the front door, the location, all of it feels like someone has created this little oasis and the only way to get in is to know somebody who knows somebody. I love it. Now the gal who owns it who you will usually find there... her name is Tashe. Not Tasha. Not Natasha. Tashe. Simple, strong, straight to the point and very fashionable. This girl suits her name and her store is a clear reflection of her business and buying sense. You see, Tashe, knows her inventory and she knows her body types. She can look out you with her peripheral vision alone and pull out the exact pieces that are going to compliment your curves for you, or rather, create the illusion of curves for those less fortunate 'skinny types'. We all have our crosses to bear... :) lol So, yes going to Sartorial you get free with entry, the expertise of a humble but talented personal stylist named Tashe. You get the most unique and beautiful collections of clothing to choose from. AND, get ready for it... her prices are not ridiculous. They are absolutely no more or less than the industry standard. Hence, I find taking a ferry to the island good value for a personal shopping experience. The other fun fact is that the lines she carries are also the brands that we see some of our favorite celebs wearing. If you friend her on Facebook you will get her fashion updates which are amazing. If you do sign up- write on the wall that you read about her on my blog. For that matter, follow my Buddha & The Raven Page and I will collect the names of those who mention this blog entry and I will put all the names into a hat and on March 15th I will pull a name and whoever that is will receive one of my Oscar Bound Lariats. Tell your friends. But you have to follow Sartorial & Buddha & The Raven and mention this blog on both walls. The piece I will be drawing for is valued at $120.00. You can only have your name entered once. Okay- so the point of telling you about Sartorial was to mention that everything I have worn in my interviews and in photos and on T.V. has been from Sartorial. Hand picked for me by Tashe. I have received so many compliments. One of the more exciting moments I had about my latest purchases was that one of the pieces that Tashe deemed was a must have on me, was this black little number that was cute and flattering but more important to me was that it was uber-comfortable. Crazy comfy. Anyway- I was watching Oprah the other day and sure enough one of her must haves for the spring was from Fluxus, which is the brand Tashe insisted I buy! Well, if Tashe and Oprah tell me it's a must have... then it is a must freakin' have! Hollah! lol Oprah, I heart Oprah. I learned a very valuable lesson from 'my sista from anutha mista' this past week. I was watching when she revealed that she and her family wanted to share some personal news, their way and on their terms. I took note and am about to do the same. I recently was interviewed by Justin Beddall. He is the Editor of the North Shore Outlook, and by far the most talented reporter I have come across yet. He is kind and polite. He has a warmth that makes you trust him, and he has integrity. I was interviewed by Justin earlier this week and the article comes out in tomorrows paper. Look for it! Anyway- in the process of our interview, I felt safe enough to disclose some personal details about where I have come from. Not super detailed, but super personal. Here is where his integrity outshines his warmth... he called me back yesterday and wanted to double check that I was still feeling good about sharing so much. I couldn't believe my ears. In a time where scandal and dirt sell papers, he wanted to know if I was still comfortable with opening myself up to becoming a bit more vulnerable. Hats off to this man. I just cannot speak highly enough to this gesture of humanism. Kudos. ( I did say to run with it) I just want to acknowledge what was said and how it came up. Basically, Justin asked me if I was proud of this latest accomplishment involving the Oscars. He asked if I had dreamed this dream since childhood and what had I wanted to be when I grew up. I told Justin that I never had those dreams as a child. My dreams were about surviving and about moving far, far away from my then home life, and all those within. Without getting into sordid details and creating drama where the drama has long been over, what I will say is that no I didn't enjoy the carefree childhood my children and their friends do today. I still catch myself stunned when they are playing with imaginary unicorns and having tea parties where I, me, a mommy am invited AND graciously accept and together we eat crumpets and design jewelry together! Rather, my childhood ended before it really began. My happiest childhood memories are the ones that my husband and I have given to our children. Do I have a mom & dad that support me and love me, who I get to share these success... Yes! They are my husband's parents who have loved me unconditionally in a whole, and beautiful way since the day they met me. Do I bring any grandparents to the table for my own children? No. I have not had a relationship with my bio/mother since I was 19 yrs old. I left home at 14 when I knew that I was emotionally, physically, spiritually, totally safer on my own than staying where I was. I gave it five years for her to do right by me, and that day never came and as a result the early years in my life were a struggle. I went to school with kids that knew a strong foundation at home. None of them could figure out what was different about me, not until the day I finally came to school with bruises on me that were actually visible and not hidden by my clothing. Save your pity. Really, it is misplaced with me. Please... To know me is to know that working two jobs, finishing school and having to muster all of the strength and courage I could at 14 yrs old was what got me to this place now. I am loved. I am strong. I have what few of you might have... I have 'Princess', 'Big City', 'Bean', 'The Writer', 'The Marnster' Lil' g', 'Rox' ' & a few other treasures. I have these sisters who I love, and I love to hate in a good way. The point is... sounds like a family huh? We can throw down some good one liners at one another but when real life is happening- we show up. A baby, a funeral, a dream lost, a dream realized... we are on each other's door steps. Food in hand, to- do lists, husbands in tow with jobs to do, we take over each other's lives so that the one in need can just 'be'. We lift each other up, kick each other off pedestals we haven't earned and we verbally ass kick anyone who dares to do any of the above - only family has those kind of rights. We share our families with one another, so that despite our own lack of blood relatives, our family trees are sprawling and diverse and no one, and I mean no one puts the FUN in dysfunctional like we do. I do have a few siblings. I am fiercely protective of their privacy. The one thing I will say about them is that they are all around ten yrs older than me and were long gone, kicked out of the house by the time I was 8. Their stories are their own. Not one of them happier than my own. Now that I have said that, let me say this. My husband, my children, my extended/self selected family are the most beautiful creatures a girl could hand pick... and funnily enough, I did hand pick them! LOL ahhh, the silver lining of the unhappier bits. It is only in the past 48 months that I have reconnected with a few of my aunts and uncles. It has been a journey in courage and understanding, and a realization that the love I have in my own home is the only love my heart will ever need. Everything else is a bonus. I have no expectations in life, except that my home remains a safe, loving haven that is enriched by respect and unconditional love. My husband and I are best friends... I know, I know, gag... but it is sooo true. Our children are an obvious manifestation of that bond we have and they are the most grounded, secure little spirits. I say with certainty that I paid my dues for this beautiful life I live, I paid those dues early, and for the love of my children and their continued bliss, I would repay those dues over and over again if that is the cost of breaking the cycle that I escaped. All my peeps are constantly laughing at me because of my connection with Oprah. But we are connected I am telling you. She left home at 15 from an abusive childhood and home. I did the same at 14. No one thought she would make it. Likewise. She created her own family: Gayle, Bob, Jay, John, Jen, Stedman, Me too, Princess, Big City, The Writer etc... The Silver Fox. We both are living our passions and spreading light and love into the world with the platforms we have... Oprah builds schools for girls in Africa, I bless and meditate over beads for women in Canada... see we are practically twins. LOL ;) The one last thought of the day for you to ponder, which I heard a year or so ago, that I ABSOLUTELY love and wish I could say to ten different people everyday is a quote by my other main man... Dr. Phil. Who doesn't love this guy? I use his "... and how's that working for yah?" all the time. Anyway the one that I love that resonates with me that I think should be printed on our national currency is this one: " after the age of 36, you can't blame your parents anymore!" How many adults do you know that are still hung up on their childhood. Snap out of it. Life's a choice. Choose, would yah!? LOL Seriously... we all know those people. I always say that there is ONE difference between a victim and a survivor... the way you tell your story. And on that note, quit telling the same old story that happened 25, 35, 45 years ago. You are a grown up, start taking responsibility for yourself... really.Really! Now that we have that clear. LOL Anyway- that is enough honesty for one night. I had a root canal yesterday so speaking is a challange... if my bff's were around they would be high fiving one another chanting ' finally we can get a little peace around here'! Love at it's finest. And finally, yes, a lotus grows from the crude mud and still it is a beautiful creation worthy of love and light. Sometimes muddy starts still have beautiful endings. So on behalf of Oprah and I and our new found sister... :) thank you and good night. I would like to dedicate this blog post to 'Mic'. "Sorry Mic." LOL Love, Light & Laughter to you all, t.

I Lied... I Do Judge You...

Last week I met with my accountant to review a few protocols now that I am selling my jewelry internationally. I should say not only is ' My $ Man' just that, over the past decade he has become a great friend but also a trusted confident. I went in to see him and we began talking about some of the colourful neighbours he has. 'My $ Man' has his office in a slightly industrial area where there is a recycling depot not far from his office. It somehow came up that there were a lot of 'recyclers' ie: ' homeless' fellas around when I drove up. He launched into what a blessing they were to have around. I thought he was being sarcastic and that is when he explained the reality of the situation. This area of town we were in is their 'hood'. They feel as much pride and ownership in their backyard as we do our own personal addresses. 'My $ Man' said that they park their business vehicles in the public access parking lot for weeks on end. Never a problem with anyone ever messing with them. In fact, their business park has an unusually low crime rate. No break ins. No vandalism. No one is ever harassed. In his ten years of working there no one, not one of those colourful locals has ever, ever, ever asked him for money. Not only was I stunned, I was shamed. I assumed that those folks would have been a thorn in the neighbourhood's side. In fact, I was exactly wrong. I had exactly judged them, and judged them wrong. In fact, they are appreciated in that neighbourhood for being the security force. They protect the area and in turn the local businessmen/women, repay the thanks by bringing their domestic recycling to work and paying it forward to these guys. It was such a lesson for me. How often do I go through my day claiming not to judge others, rather, it seems I may have masked my judgment in a cloak of assumption. I am not proud of this but I am grateful for 'My $ Man' and his candid and accurate portrayal of an unorthodox society that may not look like mine; however, functions the same way mine does, with consideration, respect and community. I wonder what kind of assumptions people make about you and I? How are we judged for things that don't have any business being applied to us? It reminds me again, to look EVERYONE in the eye and smile when I walk past them. Every spirit deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated regardless of their present situation. If we are honest, how many of those local homeless people that we come across actually receive heartfelt smiles from people that are experiencing better fortune than themselves? Join me, lets spread the love by giving them the respect of eye contact and a simple smile. Can you imagine what that ripple effect might translate into? love & light to all, t.