Recollection & Renewal

On the eve of 2015, I find my thoughts wandering back into the year behind us, reflecting on all
of the teachers and challenges that found me and that I found this year. Looking back is always bittersweet. Each year there are always unexpected treasures and delights that you could never have dreamed of for yourself and then there are the heartaches that you could not have fathomed would ever darken your doorstep. In both instances, we surface the other side with a greater capacity for love and endurance.

Although, I will always choose love and light and to focus on the gifts and the blessings. This year
did offer so much beauty to focus on, but it did not come without challenging my commitment to remain positive in the face of fear and change.

While 2014 hosted a multitude of absolutely amazing opportunities and adventures, it also presented
several life altering situations. On the side of beauty, we had three new babies in our family both
immediate and extended, with a couple more on the way. We were privileged enough to visit some of our family’s favourite places and were lucky enough to be there with our dear friends and loved ones.
We enjoyed the luxuries of many epic concert experiences, traveling in our motor home,
hosting visiting family and friends, birthday celebrations, accomplished goals, creating new bonds with great friends, experiencing and witnessing the successes in our home and of our beloveds and having opportunities to further nourish life long friendships.

We have had our share of true joy this year but as I mentioned, the joy was even more wonderful when it enveloped us because we were also visited by several challenges that had us counting our blessings and praying for more to come. I have to think that we are coming to an age where health issues are more prevalent amongst our parents and their friends, but also in our own circle of friends.

The year was quite smooth until the summer arrived and one of my dearest friends moved out of province. It is always difficult when a loved one moves away, but it is especially difficult to face when it is someone who is in your day to day life. All of a sudden you wake up one morning and your
living your life without seeing or hearing from that person in the same way that once provided you
a constant sounding board, comrade and partner in coffee and crime. It was a huge adjustment which
took a larger toll than I had anticipated.

My heart was healing when word arrived that a dear friend had suddenly passed away. There
was no warning. It was a freak accident. They were here one day and gone the next. It was shocking, horrifying and totally blindsiding. It was another loss that took a large toll and left a huge hole in our community of friends.  There are no words I can call on to convey how gutted we all were.

This summer was lovely and then again, all hell broke loose. This past fall, in as many weeks, I found out that three of my very dear, beloved girl friends are fighting cancer. Just when you think that you can handle the fear that follows the journey of cancer treatment with one of your nearest and dearest, you find out that wait, you have two friends fighting the fight, but then you wake up one morning to that phone call you just want to believe is a dream or nightmare… but you realize that the reality is that you have three of your own fighting for their lives. Except for the grace of deep rooted strength and not having a choice, you muster up the courage and put on your game face and you go into battle leading the charge. That old saying ‘never let them see you sweat’ should be revamped to say ‘never let them see you sweat, cry, worry or your fear’.

When it comes to life, nothing is as important as good health. Of course there is never a good time to
get this kind of news, but on the heals of these revelations, I was kicked hard when I was down, and was literally disowned by someone I had considered more than a best friend. My family was her family and vice versa, until one day she decided she was ‘done’. You can imagine the emotional challenge; however, there is something very amazing about divine timing. When you are dealing with life and death in such a major way, and then forced to deal with someone’s fickle and flakey dismissal of your love and friendship, it is all put into perspective in a major way, really fast. That said, loss is loss any loss requires and deserves an appropriate amount of grieving. It is what it is and it was what it was… just not what I thought it was. My bad.

With friends coming and going, fighting for their lives, dying, divorcing, moving away, moving closer, losing loved ones, aging parents, launching businesses, buying and selling vehicles and vacation investments with the added blessings and stresses of everyday struggles that are all apart of daily life, to say the least it was an interesting year by any standards, which had me constantly battling the urge to leave the present moment rather than relishing the comfort that one can find when living in the moment.

As individuals we know ourselves. We know what we are capable of handling. By autumn I knew I was about at my limit when even more news of poor health arrived to us, surrounding other loved ones. I knew that I had to stay in the light and focus on the facts and not the what ifs. That is precisely where I have forced myself to remain until treatment strategies and surgeries are behind us. We are still presently in that holding pattern. It makes one feel weak and
useless while literally several of you close loved ones are battling for their life and quality of life, and you are stranded on the sidelines, unable to do anything of consequence.

With all of the goodness of 2014 and the challenges that arrived on the heels of so many blessings, it made it very easy to give deep gratitude for our health, the health of our children and the life that has given us so much to enjoy. Where this past year was so lovely and joyful, it was also extremely emotional and has left us in a state of limbo in many ways. While we hang on for many happy endings, we wait with bated breath as the uncertainty that crept up upon us in 2014 is grandfathered into 2015, despite the lack of invitation.

My hope and focus for 2015 is for good health, not just for myself and my immediate family, but for all of my loved ones and for all of yours. In light of this year and the lessons it brought, I am recommitted more than ever to bring health to the forefront of my life and that of my family’s. It pains me to admit it, but I have not made overall health in every aspect of our lives, the priority that it needs and deserves to be. I try hard and often succeed in being a positive role model for the children in my life, but I know I can do better.

With all of the above information laid out there, it goes without saying that my goal for 2015 is to bring my health to where it needs to be. With all of the details above comes a responsibility to know better and to do better. Life is such a gift but in no way is it a given. There is a fine line between living and being alive, but once you cross that line into living fully, the rewards are ample and they provide a greater experience in an already miraculous world.

My wish for you is to always remain focussed on the light that causes any shadow that finds you. Remember that there are gifts in every challenge despite the anchor of pain that might keep you from immediately realizing it. The gifts are always worth the trials that you sometimes have to endure.

Wishing you love & light in 2015,

t.

Our Miracle Happened.

I write with huge joy in my heart. This week, after seven months of waiting for my nephew to be strong enough, he underwent his double lung surgery to find out how many different 'spots' were in his lungs.

It has not been an easy journey for Sean. Cancer isn't an easy journey for anyone, but in Sean's case there have been a great deal of little set backs along the way. After his leg surgery where they were forced to take a part of his leg, he was plagued by a severe infection that made it impossible for the doctors to go through with his lung surgery as planned at the time. This darn lung surgery has been pushed back since September. September! There have been weeks where the medical team could not follow through with his Sean's scheduled course of Chemo due to Sean's low blood counts. There were days when the reality of his situation was just too much for one young man to swallow.

As I look back at the several set backs, it obviously makes me very sad. That said, as I look back at this week, I am filled with joy and am elated to share our many little victories that we have been waiting for since June when Sean was first diagnosed.

This week the doctors were finally able to go in and remove the 'nodules' in Sean's lungs. We were calling them nodules, because we were hopeful that the last 6 months of Chemo had worked and that those spots were no longer cancer, rather unspecified nodules. Our prayers were answered.

After a very long, 8 hour surgery, Sean came out of the operation with flying colours. The team of doctors that were involved were all equally ecstatic with how the surgery went and how Sean faired through the surgery. We were all relieved and gave thanks to God for the outcome that we had all prayed for.

The night after the surgery there were some critical complications, but thanks to the team of doctors and nurses in the ICU, Sean pulled through and he is better than we could have hoped for!

It was just the other day that we got the results of the biopsied nodules from the lungs. The results came back that the nodules were 100% CANCER FREE. Cancer free. Cancer free. It just means so much to me to say that. The cancer spots on Sean's lungs were dried up from the Chemo. The only concern that the doctors had initially, was that they found 3 additional spots that they were unaware of and were not necessarily looking for. None of that matters now because they were all benign.

So what does all of this mean? Where do we go from here? Well, it means that all of the aggressive medical intervention has worked. We were unable to save his knee, but whatever it takes to save his life, all makes it worth it. It means that we have 6 more months of Chemo to kill the existing cycle of cancer cells that continue to reside in Sean's system.

Sean is winning! Where we were being prepared for a grim picture 6 months ago, now we are faced with the beautiful future that awaits Sean. It is because of all your prayers that Sean is alive and well. Several times over the past 6 months, all we had was hope and prayer. We had to rely on blind faith and the prayers of everyone, family, friends, & strangers across the globe.

Whatever it was, or wasn't. Whether it was the semi precious stones we laid across Sean's body in hopes that their energies would cleanse his weak body. Whether it was the hands of prayer we laid on Sean's leg or whether it was Country singer Paul Brandt who went to visit Sean and raised his spirits and energy... whatever, so far it has worked.

I am not naive. I know we have a long road ahead of us and that we are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We can feel that overwhelming grace that comes with what it is we are experiencing. We are grateful.

Please continue to pray for Sean's full recovery. We are more than half way there and we are so grateful to all of you have been with us along the way.

God is great. Miracles do happen. We have Sean to prove it!

love & light,
t.

The Creativity Is Flowing...

It has been several months since I had been working on my jewelry. I had turned my focus on my family and our few months abroad. I had missed my work but I did not know how much until I prepared my Fall 2012 line. I have had so much fun getting the line together and the creative rush that has come with it.

Being a creative person,  I am always, easily inspired by my surroundings. Living on the West Coast and in the rain forest that is Beautiful British Columbia, I am inspired on a daily basis. The colours, the textures and the essence that is the West Coast can be found in my latest work.

The past few weeks have been so much fun as I have unveiled my line slowly over social media. The response has been overwhelming and it has been so much fun getting to share in the excitement that jewelry often evokes in people. Male or female, jewelry often gets a response from people whether it is emotional or physical. I know when I look at jewelry, my blood pressure rises and I get excited. I feel the same way when I look at other forms of art, also.

I get excited seeing the people around me being bejewelled in my wares, and it creates a platform for people to share in the creative energy that surrounds my work. Other people start acknowledging their own creative ideas and talents and it is just a beautiful thing.

One of my favourite things about being an artist, is being surrounded by other creative spirits. We all have some sort of creativity within us, even if you think you don't, there is a vein of artistry in you, believe me. We all have something we are good at and it may not be a form of art that we see in the mainstream, but trust me, we all own something unique and creative.

Now that my fall line has been launched, I am now focussing on my gift card line which will be on shelves at Thomas Haas Patisseries as of November 15th. I create a custom line of Holiday Cards for Thomas and his wife Lisa to sell. I will also be selling cards off of my website and at my Trunk Shows in the next two months. I love working with paper and my cards are the greatest expression of that.

To see my latest work, please visit my website: www.buddhaandtheraven.com

With all of this excitement going on, please remember to keep my sweet nephew Sean in your prayers. His personal battle with cancer has been nothing less than challenging. Unfortunately, there have been complications and set backs along his way which has kept him from feeling any relief in this journey. We have come along way but we have a long way to go and we cannot make the trip without the love and prayers from family, friends and strangers alike. We need copious amounts of white light to envelope this young spirit and lift him up while he is too weak to lift himself. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Please keep them coming.

I know that there is never a good time to bring up awkward topics, but I would not be speaking my truth if I did not bring up Amanda Todd. Her story has resonated deeply with me and I think that her loss of life has created a platform in which we can use to have those uncomfortable conversations that surround bullying. I know that our schools are discussing bullying as a result of Amanda, but she also needs to be a reminder that we need to be discussing bullying with our young kids.

There is a way to have the conversation while protecting the innocence of childhood ideologies. Even as adults we forget that gossiping is a form of bullying. It is a daily occurrence that perpetuates a negative energy that eventually costs someone their right to privacy and or peace. If we are not speaking from that authentic place of love and good will, then maybe we should not be speaking in that moment. Amanda's loss has made me recheck myself and where I can be a kinder individual. As some one who has experienced bullying both in my childhood and as an adult, I know that the power of intention when speaking is powerful and needs to be thought of when speaking.

I will leave you with love and light and with the prayer for you that everyone that crosses your path, treats you with more kindness than you expect.

xo t.

The Power of Prayer

By now you have come to realize that my family's life has stopped in it's tracks and that the mundane rhythm that propels our daily lives no longer matters. What matters is that we have a young, inspiring young member of our clan in the hospital fighting for his life.

Recently, my sister and I made the 1000 km journey through the beautiful and majestic mountains to go and spend several days with our nephew. While we naively made the trek towards him, we somehow thought that we had prepared ourselves for what we were about to encounter. Let me tell you this with all certainty... nothing could or will ever prepare you for spending long days on a children's oncology unit.

We had told ourselves that we were going in with love guns blazing ready to spread love and light in every corner of our family and that entire children's ward. When we arrived into the city after a 12 hour drive, we headed straight for the Children's Hospital. We arrived just before 8pm and the hospital had clearly wound down for the night. The halls were sparse and there was a serenity about the place. It was a little bit of an out of body experience walking toward our nephew's room. I couldn't wait to get in there and wrap my arms around him, all the while, I wanted to be anywhere for any other reason than walking down that hall toward room #1160.

When we got to the room, there Sean was. Sitting up and open arms, happy to greet his aunties. We had a brief visit as he was tired and the chemo treatment of the day had really socked it to him. Both my sister and I shared some love, let Sean show us the care package that Terry Fox's sister had personally sent to him and then we were on our way back to where my brother was staying.

The next day we had an early breakfast and headed back to the hospital. Mind blowing. The difference between the day and night within those walls, really was that... day and night. This time upon our arrival, the halls were buzzing. People coming and going. Children with tubes and drips and their entourage of care givers. There were people that were just bringing their children in for the first time and sadly, heart wrenching as it is, their were parents that were leaving the hospital for the last time, without their beloved children. My sister and I are extremely close and have a bit of a sixth sense with each other... we walked into the hospital, looked at each other and nodded. We knew that we had to suck it up and bring love and much needed levity to our sweet family.

I could go on an tell you how we spent each day distracting Sean and our brother and his family with rounds of crib and other games and stories told, but really it was my sister and I who were distracted.
We learned more about composure and grace from this 14 year old nephew of ours than anyone else could have ever taught us. His courage and strength was overwhelming and his knowledge of his course of treatment was astounding. He schooled us in the ins and outs of his therapy in a way that only further solidified his status of hero in our books.

My brother and his wife taught us about coping in the face of fear and the unknown. They definately have their own unique ways of dealing with this blow that has been dealt to them but they also have a strong united front in the face of this putrid disease called cancer.

Our other nephew Quinn, he taught us that it was okay to laugh and be comical when your family is in crisis. Not only did he laugh but he brought us all to tears constantly by way of his awesome and completely hysterical comedic self. It was clear to see that comedy is his coping mechanism and really it is his gift to all of us. Laughter heals. It's just that simple.

The nurses, the friends that visited the calls that came in,  all of it, everyone made such a difference in this journey. You never know how a simple phone call can change the entire course of someone's day. Or in this case, someone's journey through treatment.

What I also found incredibly interesting was how many of my brother and his wife's close friends were sort of staying away. Whether it is because they are just so sad or not sure what to say, let me say this loud and clear, when someone you know is in crisis, you do not need to know what to say. It is okay to just show up and say hello and that you just wanted to be with them. That is enough. Just your presence is the gift. It broke my heart that not more of their besties were showing up for them in their time of need. My brother, the nicest man on the planet, explains it that they are just waiting their turn to show up when it is the right time... I say show up people, it's okay to come and cry with us.

If you ever need a reminder how precious life is, spend a day at a Children's Hospital. There are a million reasons why we are blessed, but somehow seeing sick kids just puts everything into perspective real quick.

As it stands now, we really need your prayers. Please pray that my nephew Sean is healed of his cancer and that his entire body is returned to the simple mass of white light he came into this world as. We are counting on a miracle. Please be apart of that miracle through the power of prayer.

Please Pray.

love & light,

t.

A Ray of Sunshine on a Gloomy Day

As I eluded to in my previous blog post, our family has recently been dealt a low blow. One of our youngest members has been diagnosed with cancer. I explain to everyone as it being the same cancer that Terry Fox had.You would naturally go to that place of deep regret and despair, and where we have all experienced those very feelings and reactions, I have to convey too,  the deep beauty that has also found us.

To begin, I should mention that I have shaved my head as a sign of solidarity in this fight against cancer. I actually did it simply to make my nephew smile, and that it did. The other thing that has come as a result of my hairless head is the fact that it has raised awareness of my family's situation, in my own community. I have had people that I barely know approach me, inquiring whether or not I have cancer. When they learn that it is a young boy, they are eager to hear details and developments regarding his treatment. All of which I am grateful for. As far as I am concerned the more people I can have sending my nephew positive thoughts and white light, the better for all of us.

What I did not count on however is what happened last Wednesday. I was standing outside my daughters school waiting for her to be dismissed on what was the last day of the school year. This woman I have seen before and briefly said hello to once or twice, approached me. She had heard about my family's struggle and was inquiring about what kind of cancer my nephew had. When I told her it was a sarcoma, she tilted her head and smiled. What came next took me down at my knees and once again made me believe in guardian angels. She said to me in the most beautiful and gentle voice, " My husband, Torsten Neilsen, is one of the world's leading specialists in Sarcomas and works here in Vancouver. If he can be of any assistance to your family byway of advice or second opinions, please call on him. I know he would be happy to help you."

As I write this, it brings tears to my eyes. Could you imagine if I had not shaved my head and not inspired this woman to approach me, what kind of loss that would be. It makes it all the sweeter. We would not have the guidance of this world renowned specialist in our  back pocket. I am just so grateful and in awe of she and her family's sweet offer. I have already put her in touch with my brother and they have embarked on what will prove to be a very unique relationship.

The second scene of beauty that happened yesterday happened solely over email but was years in the making. This is really my brother's story to tell but he is always willing to share his life when it is as serendipitous as this. So, about 5 years ago my brother was doing some life coaching. After serving 25 years on the police force and finishing his career in the Tactical Unit, he was preparing for his retirement by going back to Royal Roads University and studying to become a teacher. Life coaching found him and he in turn found himself coaching a wide range of individuals on wide spectrum of subjects.

Fast forward to yesterday: my brother was at his computer when a message showed up in his inbox. The email was from a former client that he had coached. Her name is Judith and she had heard that my brothers son is ill with osteosarcoma. She wanted to extend her thoughts and prayers and to share with my brother how deeply she understood what he was going through and that he could count on her to 'coach' him through this coming months of unknowns and trials. This amazingly lovely woman was reaching out to him to dismiss whatever stress and heaviness she could in the way that she knew she could. It is a testament to the natural ebb and flow of life. When we give with love and care, we can count on receiving love and care. We do not always know in what form or which direction it will arrive from, but what goes around comes around and this lovely lady was giving back in the way that she could.

It is the next part of the email that rocked me to my core. Judith went on to explain how she knew so much about osteosarcoma. She signed off with a beautiful comment about her late brother who bravely fought the disease. (get ready for it)  ... her brother Terry, Terry Fox. In our family Terry Fox has always been all of our hero, so to have one of his immediate family members come to us with love and support has meant the world to us. More than anyone could ever know.

Again, it just goes to show you, that you never know who or when you will touch someone's life and when or if they will have the chance to repay your love and thoughtfulness. It makes me feel like I want to go into the world with softer words and kinder thoughts at all costs... you just never know what someone is going through. What they have lost, loved or fought. We all have a story and many times the scars to prove it. What I want to emphasize most though, is that we also all have beauty in our lives, even in these times when shadows are also at play. Beauty is where you find it and many times it is found in the space where you least expect it. God Bless Judith and her family and Torsten and his.

Wishing you a beautiful day.

xo t.

The Ride To Conquer Cancer

Today marked the first day of The Ride To Conquer Cancer. We walk through life thinking we are so small in the grand scheme of things, that it is very difficult for us to make a big difference in the fight against cancer. I beg to differ, and I have proof that, that it isn't so.

Team iConquer-Little/Kosick. This is a group of men who have combined their passion and loss for the greater good of those still fighting the fight and for the memory of those that were taken from us too soon. I could go into the detail of their losses, but I believe it is enough to say that these men have been touched by cancer in a staggering way that has inspired them to do what is within their ability in order to make a difference.

I am so proud that this team of men, who have NOT had any corporate sponsorship, have achieved an amazing fundraising goal of $150,000.00. I could not be prouder to call many of these men, my friend. I am also immensely proud of the women behind them who have supported their efforts in a very major way. For every man on the team, there is a wife and children that have shown incredible love and appreciation for the efforts spent by these men and they themselves have coordinated highly successful fundraisers on these riders behalves.

This week my own family has been faced with another fight against cancer. This Ride To Conquer Cancer has an especially deep meaning for us this year. Each participant in the ride has deep appreciation from everyone in our clan. They all have our deep gratitude as always, and in past years we have remembered those we know who are fighting cancer and those who have fought this ugly disease. This year we call on all of the angels that are watching from above, supporting the riders and ask them to work a little over time this year and to watch over our young family member who is new to the fight and needs a little extra help from above to stay brave and to heal quickly and for courage for his parents that are trying so incredibly hard to be strong at this time of transition.

Along with the help of everyone's angels, we are counting on the power of prayer to aid in the healing journey of this young person. I was delighted to sponsor a few of my friends this year on the iConquer team, never did I realize that I would be as grateful to them as I am for doing their part in a search to help my very own family again, by so selflessly fundraising for this year's ride.

Team iConquer is proof that we can all make a difference, especially when we join forces and decide that we are going to make a change and to make a difference. Thank you to each of those honourable men.

It makes me wonder... does the iconquer team accept girls?

xo t.