The Power of Prayer

By now you have come to realize that my family's life has stopped in it's tracks and that the mundane rhythm that propels our daily lives no longer matters. What matters is that we have a young, inspiring young member of our clan in the hospital fighting for his life.

Recently, my sister and I made the 1000 km journey through the beautiful and majestic mountains to go and spend several days with our nephew. While we naively made the trek towards him, we somehow thought that we had prepared ourselves for what we were about to encounter. Let me tell you this with all certainty... nothing could or will ever prepare you for spending long days on a children's oncology unit.

We had told ourselves that we were going in with love guns blazing ready to spread love and light in every corner of our family and that entire children's ward. When we arrived into the city after a 12 hour drive, we headed straight for the Children's Hospital. We arrived just before 8pm and the hospital had clearly wound down for the night. The halls were sparse and there was a serenity about the place. It was a little bit of an out of body experience walking toward our nephew's room. I couldn't wait to get in there and wrap my arms around him, all the while, I wanted to be anywhere for any other reason than walking down that hall toward room #1160.

When we got to the room, there Sean was. Sitting up and open arms, happy to greet his aunties. We had a brief visit as he was tired and the chemo treatment of the day had really socked it to him. Both my sister and I shared some love, let Sean show us the care package that Terry Fox's sister had personally sent to him and then we were on our way back to where my brother was staying.

The next day we had an early breakfast and headed back to the hospital. Mind blowing. The difference between the day and night within those walls, really was that... day and night. This time upon our arrival, the halls were buzzing. People coming and going. Children with tubes and drips and their entourage of care givers. There were people that were just bringing their children in for the first time and sadly, heart wrenching as it is, their were parents that were leaving the hospital for the last time, without their beloved children. My sister and I are extremely close and have a bit of a sixth sense with each other... we walked into the hospital, looked at each other and nodded. We knew that we had to suck it up and bring love and much needed levity to our sweet family.

I could go on an tell you how we spent each day distracting Sean and our brother and his family with rounds of crib and other games and stories told, but really it was my sister and I who were distracted.
We learned more about composure and grace from this 14 year old nephew of ours than anyone else could have ever taught us. His courage and strength was overwhelming and his knowledge of his course of treatment was astounding. He schooled us in the ins and outs of his therapy in a way that only further solidified his status of hero in our books.

My brother and his wife taught us about coping in the face of fear and the unknown. They definately have their own unique ways of dealing with this blow that has been dealt to them but they also have a strong united front in the face of this putrid disease called cancer.

Our other nephew Quinn, he taught us that it was okay to laugh and be comical when your family is in crisis. Not only did he laugh but he brought us all to tears constantly by way of his awesome and completely hysterical comedic self. It was clear to see that comedy is his coping mechanism and really it is his gift to all of us. Laughter heals. It's just that simple.

The nurses, the friends that visited the calls that came in,  all of it, everyone made such a difference in this journey. You never know how a simple phone call can change the entire course of someone's day. Or in this case, someone's journey through treatment.

What I also found incredibly interesting was how many of my brother and his wife's close friends were sort of staying away. Whether it is because they are just so sad or not sure what to say, let me say this loud and clear, when someone you know is in crisis, you do not need to know what to say. It is okay to just show up and say hello and that you just wanted to be with them. That is enough. Just your presence is the gift. It broke my heart that not more of their besties were showing up for them in their time of need. My brother, the nicest man on the planet, explains it that they are just waiting their turn to show up when it is the right time... I say show up people, it's okay to come and cry with us.

If you ever need a reminder how precious life is, spend a day at a Children's Hospital. There are a million reasons why we are blessed, but somehow seeing sick kids just puts everything into perspective real quick.

As it stands now, we really need your prayers. Please pray that my nephew Sean is healed of his cancer and that his entire body is returned to the simple mass of white light he came into this world as. We are counting on a miracle. Please be apart of that miracle through the power of prayer.

Please Pray.

love & light,

t.

A Ray of Sunshine on a Gloomy Day

As I eluded to in my previous blog post, our family has recently been dealt a low blow. One of our youngest members has been diagnosed with cancer. I explain to everyone as it being the same cancer that Terry Fox had.You would naturally go to that place of deep regret and despair, and where we have all experienced those very feelings and reactions, I have to convey too,  the deep beauty that has also found us.

To begin, I should mention that I have shaved my head as a sign of solidarity in this fight against cancer. I actually did it simply to make my nephew smile, and that it did. The other thing that has come as a result of my hairless head is the fact that it has raised awareness of my family's situation, in my own community. I have had people that I barely know approach me, inquiring whether or not I have cancer. When they learn that it is a young boy, they are eager to hear details and developments regarding his treatment. All of which I am grateful for. As far as I am concerned the more people I can have sending my nephew positive thoughts and white light, the better for all of us.

What I did not count on however is what happened last Wednesday. I was standing outside my daughters school waiting for her to be dismissed on what was the last day of the school year. This woman I have seen before and briefly said hello to once or twice, approached me. She had heard about my family's struggle and was inquiring about what kind of cancer my nephew had. When I told her it was a sarcoma, she tilted her head and smiled. What came next took me down at my knees and once again made me believe in guardian angels. She said to me in the most beautiful and gentle voice, " My husband, Torsten Neilsen, is one of the world's leading specialists in Sarcomas and works here in Vancouver. If he can be of any assistance to your family byway of advice or second opinions, please call on him. I know he would be happy to help you."

As I write this, it brings tears to my eyes. Could you imagine if I had not shaved my head and not inspired this woman to approach me, what kind of loss that would be. It makes it all the sweeter. We would not have the guidance of this world renowned specialist in our  back pocket. I am just so grateful and in awe of she and her family's sweet offer. I have already put her in touch with my brother and they have embarked on what will prove to be a very unique relationship.

The second scene of beauty that happened yesterday happened solely over email but was years in the making. This is really my brother's story to tell but he is always willing to share his life when it is as serendipitous as this. So, about 5 years ago my brother was doing some life coaching. After serving 25 years on the police force and finishing his career in the Tactical Unit, he was preparing for his retirement by going back to Royal Roads University and studying to become a teacher. Life coaching found him and he in turn found himself coaching a wide range of individuals on wide spectrum of subjects.

Fast forward to yesterday: my brother was at his computer when a message showed up in his inbox. The email was from a former client that he had coached. Her name is Judith and she had heard that my brothers son is ill with osteosarcoma. She wanted to extend her thoughts and prayers and to share with my brother how deeply she understood what he was going through and that he could count on her to 'coach' him through this coming months of unknowns and trials. This amazingly lovely woman was reaching out to him to dismiss whatever stress and heaviness she could in the way that she knew she could. It is a testament to the natural ebb and flow of life. When we give with love and care, we can count on receiving love and care. We do not always know in what form or which direction it will arrive from, but what goes around comes around and this lovely lady was giving back in the way that she could.

It is the next part of the email that rocked me to my core. Judith went on to explain how she knew so much about osteosarcoma. She signed off with a beautiful comment about her late brother who bravely fought the disease. (get ready for it)  ... her brother Terry, Terry Fox. In our family Terry Fox has always been all of our hero, so to have one of his immediate family members come to us with love and support has meant the world to us. More than anyone could ever know.

Again, it just goes to show you, that you never know who or when you will touch someone's life and when or if they will have the chance to repay your love and thoughtfulness. It makes me feel like I want to go into the world with softer words and kinder thoughts at all costs... you just never know what someone is going through. What they have lost, loved or fought. We all have a story and many times the scars to prove it. What I want to emphasize most though, is that we also all have beauty in our lives, even in these times when shadows are also at play. Beauty is where you find it and many times it is found in the space where you least expect it. God Bless Judith and her family and Torsten and his.

Wishing you a beautiful day.

xo t.

The Ride To Conquer Cancer

Today marked the first day of The Ride To Conquer Cancer. We walk through life thinking we are so small in the grand scheme of things, that it is very difficult for us to make a big difference in the fight against cancer. I beg to differ, and I have proof that, that it isn't so.

Team iConquer-Little/Kosick. This is a group of men who have combined their passion and loss for the greater good of those still fighting the fight and for the memory of those that were taken from us too soon. I could go into the detail of their losses, but I believe it is enough to say that these men have been touched by cancer in a staggering way that has inspired them to do what is within their ability in order to make a difference.

I am so proud that this team of men, who have NOT had any corporate sponsorship, have achieved an amazing fundraising goal of $150,000.00. I could not be prouder to call many of these men, my friend. I am also immensely proud of the women behind them who have supported their efforts in a very major way. For every man on the team, there is a wife and children that have shown incredible love and appreciation for the efforts spent by these men and they themselves have coordinated highly successful fundraisers on these riders behalves.

This week my own family has been faced with another fight against cancer. This Ride To Conquer Cancer has an especially deep meaning for us this year. Each participant in the ride has deep appreciation from everyone in our clan. They all have our deep gratitude as always, and in past years we have remembered those we know who are fighting cancer and those who have fought this ugly disease. This year we call on all of the angels that are watching from above, supporting the riders and ask them to work a little over time this year and to watch over our young family member who is new to the fight and needs a little extra help from above to stay brave and to heal quickly and for courage for his parents that are trying so incredibly hard to be strong at this time of transition.

Along with the help of everyone's angels, we are counting on the power of prayer to aid in the healing journey of this young person. I was delighted to sponsor a few of my friends this year on the iConquer team, never did I realize that I would be as grateful to them as I am for doing their part in a search to help my very own family again, by so selflessly fundraising for this year's ride.

Team iConquer is proof that we can all make a difference, especially when we join forces and decide that we are going to make a change and to make a difference. Thank you to each of those honourable men.

It makes me wonder... does the iconquer team accept girls?

xo t.

Unplugged.

Now that we have settled in after our recent return from Mexico, we have been able to digest all of what we saw and experienced. Being away in Mexico for over two months with my immediate family was a gift that just keeps on giving.

The purpose of our trip was to unplug from society and to really dive into our family unit as a whole, while experiencing new things together that would further bond us. Our foundation as a family has always been solid, but nothing would have been able to further solidify our connections the way moving to a different country where everyone else speaks a different language could. We did not go to a popular vacation destination, rather we went to a small town that happened to be a kite surfing mecca, that also worked in our favour.

The trip itself was outstanding. The people we met, the way the country treated us, the memories that were made, all were simply beautiful. Nothing however, could have prepared us for the fun and laughter that we would share together as a family unit. When we are amongst our daily routines, the work, the school, the social and business expectations, all of these responsibilities make it entirely impossible to have the levity to embrace the ease that it takes to find yourself in a space of that kind of lightness where simple pleasures reside.

Upon our return, I have had many people ask me what was the greatest take away. I have to say that despite how many people showed concern about us taking that kind of time off and away, it was the greatest gift we have given ourselves. The greatest take away was that life is a hamster wheel, and it was the first time we had ever gotten off of it. We for the first time were not on anyone's schedule except for our own whim of what feels right for us in that moment. Living in the moment, truly for the first time as a family. Watching our children live in the moment was the real highlight.

I wish this experience for each of you. It need not be a two month adventure, but ask yourself when the last time was that you actually unplugged the computer, put away your iPhone, didn't once turn on a radio or television, for the entire two week holiday you were on? How about even for a week end? I promise you that you won't be disappointed at the sense of freedom you will get, when you also make the decision to unplug and jump off the hamster wheel.

Happy Unplugging!

xo t.

ps- follow us on Twitter at :  @tiffanyhaziza

Golden Friends.

Presently I am in California and have just finished lunch with a good friend I have not seen in ten years.
It is difficult to stay in touch sometimes and with young families it can be even more difficult regardless that we are at opposite ends of the west coast.

It always amazes me that regardless that the amount of time that has passed since our last encounter, when you are with a good, authentic friend, it feels like no time has passed at all. Within an hour we can be caught up on all the real things going on in our lives, and touch base on what is to come.

I have golden friends. They come and they stay in  my heart forever. The older I get the more defined these friendships are, and the more important they are in my heart. I find that all too often we get caught up with comfortable, easy friendships that are a matter of convenience. As I embark on my return home, that I am going to allow myself to gently let go of the few convenient friendships that had been lingering around my day to day life. I need to and have some golden gems of friends that deserve my time and attention.

I am also going to commit to picking up a pen and contacting my beloveds afar by regular mail. When was the last time you got a letter from a friend? Remember how nice it feels to receive a letter by mail? I do, and I crave the basics of days gone by. I am happy to attempt to return to it even by way of snail mail.

Reach out and touch some one...

xo t.

Carpe Diem

With all of this talk lately about healthy living and using your life to live each day to it's highest potential it begs the question... "Are we really living our best lives.?"

 It is so easy to answer this question with a resounding YES! Of course that is the answer we want to give. Of course we want to be using every moment of our lives to the greatest possible use and enjoyment. The real question though is what is holding us back from living out our dreams? Whether the dream is a job, a possession or travel, what binds us from having those dreams come to fruition? More commonly than not, the number one answer I get when I ask this question is that the need to earn money somehow always comes between the dream and reality.

 Imagine for a moment if money wasn't an object. Imagine if your bills were paid, you had all of your basic needs met... would you still feel like money was an object between you and that job, that car, or that extended fishing vacation? Imagine for a minute that you redefined what was a need in your life and what is a want. What if you realized that what you thought you needed is actually what you have come to believe you need vs. your actually needs. Society has an amazing way of imposing needs upon us when really all we really need are basic essentials, our family, our friends and our own sense of need vs. want. There are so many demands placed upon via society, social media, and advertising, that if we bought into all of these demands we would all be blond haired, barbie dolls, driving convertables that very few of us can afford, all the while dressed in one designer label after another.

Don't get me wrong. I love beautiful things. I love many designer wares, but I love them because they are well made and I will likely own them forever which means they are made with amazing quality and are classic designs. Yes, I love some of these brands. No, I cannot afford many of them and yes, there have been moments where the thought of having them reigned supreme over the reality that I did not need them. I have recently come into a place of happy medium that I am very comfortable with. It took me long enough to figure it out, but it's true that there are many other high end brands, and designer names that have nothing to do with the initials, LV, CC, or YSL. There are gorgeous well made things in the world that may not last me forever, but will easily get me through the next ten years. Just long enough for my preferences to redefine themselves if they wish.

In this revelation, my family and I have found a way to find more balance between wants and needs and where and how to invest our means accordingly. No we will not be heading to the runways of Paris this year to personally hand pick next falls collection that I will be wearing, no, instead I will be heading back to my closet to revisit last year's gear that served me quite well then and will do so again I am sure. With this concession and many others like it, we have found a way to take ourselves out of society's grasp and have willed ourselves the luxury of 'unplugging' from this ever present race we all find ourselves in. Even if this reprieve is temporary, it is a starting place to grow from and it gives me hope that the simplicity that I have craved in my life is one step closer to living a more authentic life, and one step farther away from 'needing'.

 I hope this post encourages you to take inventory of what it is that has eluded you and to find a way to manifest it in your own life. We all have it in us to live our dreams, it is more about determining when is the right time for ourselves to claim that dream once and for all. In the meantime, this will be my last post for a while. Carpe Diem.

 Gone Fishin',
t.

"National Let's Talk Day"

Anyone who really knows me, knows that 'wellness' to me, means more than just physical wellness.
Mind, body and spirit wellness are equally, if not more important than just the wellness of our vessel.
Today is "Let's Talk Day." It means let's talk about the unmentionable, awkward, uncomfortable subject
that as a society we have for generations not discussed. Depression. There, I said it. ;)

To know me is to know I am loud and I am proud. I have a reputation of living my life out in the open.
I have championed many causes that are not even my own. It should be expected that today of all days
that I would rally and own the fact that my family, like many others knows a thing a two about depression/
bipolar disease.

Unlike many Canadians, I am not affected by the harsh stigma that comes with the topic of Mental Illness.
I have my own personal experience with this and I am here to tell you that it would be easier to have
a permanently broken arm rather than having a mental illness. At least with a broken arm you have a visible
cast that garners understanding, compassion and acceptance of the medical condition that needs medical attention.
Depression is so invisible that it is not greeted by the same, much needed love.

Mental Illness has been seen as a weakness, a flaw, a damaged and unreliable mind, which is as far
off as could be. Mental illness, in the case of Bipolar disease is in fact genetic and represented
in Chromosome 22. With the proper medication this disease can go without any significance in ones life.
Gone untreated is a very different and destructive story. It can lead to behaviours that alienate life
long friends, poor decision making which can often lead to suicidal tendencies. #harsh.

There are telltale signs of mental illness and all you have to do is google depression or bipolar
to read for yourself the ways that you can spot an ailing friend. A few obvious ones are that they
seem to fall off the face of the earth. They stop calling, calling you back, showing up when they
said they would. When they do surface their behaviour is erratic and nonsensical compared to what
their 'normal' would be. Those are just a few of the initial signs that you would notice. My personal
recommendation would be to show up on their doorstep and get inside their 'cocoon'. From there
you have a chance to 'reach them'. Otherwise you will notice that there is very little opportunity
to actually engage them. Just a few thoughts for you on this day when we need to break the silence
and find those friends that may be suffering in silence.

I can speak to depression and bipolar with some authority and I would like to mention that
along with being a little crazy (I speak that with the utmost respect and humour)comes a
a little bit of brilliance also. Among a few of my favorite bipolar peeps, you will find are
none other than Oprah, Bill Clinton, Sarah Mclachlan, Andy Warhol, Albert Einstein, Marilyn Monroe,
Catherine Zeta-Jones,Charlie Sheen, Lindsey Lohan, Bono, Ben Stiller, Britney Spears, Vincent Van Gogh,
Ernest Hemingway, Kurt Cobain, Robert Munsch, Amy Winehouse, Jane Pauly, Lady Gaga, Angelina Jolie,
Dan Brown,Sting, John F.Kennedy, JFK Jr, Jacqueline F. Kennedy...to name a few.

You see, a few brilliant people all dealing with the highs and lows of mental illness.
The disease has no preference, it can hit any of us. Anytime.

My hope is that this blog entry inspires you to talk about depression with those you
live with, love and work with and those you haven't heard from in a while.

Love & Light,

t.